


Built Upon Such Memories

by WritingEmi



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Depression, Dorian Pavus Has Issues, F/M, Family, Family Drama, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Iron Bull Feels, M/M, Pining, Post-Canon, Post-Trespasser, Romance, Sexual Content, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-10-26 14:16:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 45,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10788396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingEmi/pseuds/WritingEmi
Summary: Twenty years after the defeat of Corypheus, Dorian finds himself living in Orlais for his daughter's sake. His life carries on in a predictable fashion of taking care of his daughter, trying to remain active in Tevinter politics, and fending off Vivienne's constant meddling.That is until he receives unannounced, though not unwelcome, guests in his home, but meeting up with the Iron Bull stirs up memories and long unacknowledged feelings. And Vivienne really can't stop meddling in Dorian's affairs.





	1. Welcomed Intruder

**Author's Note:**

> A work in progress that might take awhile to complete. Also, I cannot seem to stop writing about Dorian and the Iron Bull as fathers, it's a bit of a problem.

_The night air was sharp with the sting of cold as autumn was quickly making way for winter, but for once, Dorian didn’t make a comment on the weather. His heart sank down further and further the longer he rode away from his home and the leaden weight of dread settled in his stomach. Riding next to him was Krem, with his eyes hardened in grim determination and his face pinched with stress as they made their way south to the Tevinter and Nevarra border to meet up with the Chargers._

_The small form in front of Dorian squirmed from under his cloak and his daughter’s face peeked out from the protective covering, a bright smile on her lips from the excitement of being up long past her bedtime and the romance of a midnight ride. At six years old, Dorian’s daughter, Evelyn Maevaris, possessed very little understanding of the gravity of the situation and Dorian worked hard to keep it that way. However, he knew that very night her comfortable bubble of protection would soon burst._

_“Papa, can I ride with Uncle Krem?” Mae asked, twisting her neck to look up at Dorian with light, pleading eyes._

_“Later, love,” Dorian murmured, his chest tightening at the sight of the campfires from the Chargers’ encampment ahead of them._

_“Finally,” Krem breathed, slumping just a bit in his saddle._

_They dismounted right outside of the camp, but Dorian made no move remove his things from his horse and only grabbed Mae’s pack. Taking off the chain with his sending crystal attached to it from around his neck, he handed it and Mae’s bag to Krem. Krem’s face twisted and he nearly snarled as he stepped away from the offending items, not wanting to take them._

_“No! You’re coming with us, Dorian,” Krem snapped. “I told Evelyn and the Chief that I’d make sure you and the kids make to Ferelden safely and I’m keeping my promise.”_

_Shoving the items into Krem’s hands, Dorian’s eyes burned and he was forced to take a moment to control himself. “I’m going to the temple to help Evelyn and her people. Solas needs to be stopped and I cannot sit idly by while he tears apart our country in his attempt to take down the Veil.”_

_“You’ve done your part, Dorian, and you know there’s a reason why Evelyn didn’t ask you to come with her, why she didn’t ask any of the old Inquisition members to come help with this. She’d have left behind the Chief if he wasn’t attached to her damn hip.”_

_“That is not a mental image I wanted to ever entertain,” Dorian teased, but his joke fell flat as Krem’s gaze hardened. “As long as it is still within my power to help Evelyn, I will do so. Pray tell, who in Evelyn’s group of misfits knows anything about Tevinter lore and history? And yet they plan to seize an ancient Tevinter temple without such knowledge? I do not have the expertise that Morrigan or Solas, for that matter, possess, but we both know they’re going in there blind.”_

_“I will knock you out cold and drag you to Ferelden.”_

_“I would very much like to see you try, Cremisius.”_

_Krem’s took in a long, shuddering breath. “Fuck you and your damn heroics, Pavus, I knew you would do this.”_

_“Papa? What’s happening?” Mae asked as she furrowed her brow at Dorian._

_Kneeling in front of his daughter, Dorian cupped her cheeks with his hands and tears started rolling down his face. “Mae, my love, I’m going to go help your Aunt Evelyn and Uncle Bull.”_

_Mae’s body froze and she began shaking her head in denial._

_“I need you to be a good girl and go with your Uncle Krem to Ferelden. Do everything he says and never let him out of your sight. Do you understand, Mae?”_

_All the color drained from Mae’s skin and her eyes became wide saucers of panic. “No! I’m going with you!”_

_“You’re going to Ferelden to be with your Uncle Cullen and his family,” Dorian began to waver. “You’ll have lots of fun, love, and Alana will meet you along the way. Won’t that be nice?”_

_Launching herself at Dorian, Mae locked her arms around Dorian’s neck and sobbed into his shoulder. “No, no, no! I wanna go with you! Take me with you! Don’t leave me, Papa!”_

_Swallowing down the lump in his throat, Dorian’s wrapped his arms around his daughter’s trembling body. “I’ll come back for you, Evelyn Maevaris, I promise. I love you too much to leave you behind for long.”_

_Too soon, Dorian was forced to carefully untangle himself from his daughter and handed her to Krem, who hugged Dorian fiercely and promised to protect Mae with his life. Dorian watched as Krem carried Mae into the camp, each step away from him was a like a stab into his heart. Mae didn’t wail or scream, but she stared at her father from over Krem’s shoulder, the light of the campfires reflected in the watery sheen of her large, hazel eyes._

_Those eyes would haunt Dorian for the weeks to come._

-

A small hand gripped Dorian’s shoulder, long fingernails bit through the cloth of his robe, and shook him with irritation.

“Ugh, Papa! You fell asleep!”

Dorian opened his heavy eyelids to reveal the annoyed expression on his thirteen year old daughter’s face. Her normally pretty, classic Tevinter features were twisted into a scowl, the space between perfectly shaped dark eyebrows was scrunched up, and her large hazel eyes were narrowed in on him. Evelyn Maevaris Pavus was not Dorian’s daughter by blood, but she mimicked his scowl and his grumpy expressions with perfection.

“Apologies, my love,” Dorian straightened up in his seat as Mae took a step back and huffed.

“You’re the one who wanted me to read to you,” she complained, waving the book of Tevinter poetry she was reading from at him.

Mae came home that afternoon after shopping with a friend and showed Dorian the hand painted, silver Orlesian mask she bought and asked if it made her look dashing and mysterious. Dorian nearly gagged in horror and made her read to him Tevinter poems after dinner to reestablish her sense of heritage. They lived in Val Royeaux, but Dorian would be damned if he allowed his daughter to consider herself Orlesian.

It wasn’t a punishment, Mae liked to read aloud to Dorian and it was how they often spent their evenings after dinner, though she usually chose much more exciting books than tomes of Tevinter poetry. And that night, full from a good meal, relaxed from a glass of wine, and the less than stimulating reading material, Dorian could not keep his eyes open as Mae read to him, much to her displeasure.

Luckily for Dorian, Mae didn’t remain annoyed for long and soon pressed a kiss on his forehead, saying, “I think it’s time for bed, Papa.”

“I believe you’re right, Mae,” Dorian agreed, suddenly feeling his fifty years. “Don’t stay up too late, your violin teacher is coming in the morning.”

“I won’t, Papa. Good night.”

“Good night, love.” Dorian got up and kissed his daughter’s cheek before leaving her behind in the library, knowing that she would spend half the night reading.

The house he kept in the city was quiet as Dorian climbed the stairs to the second floor where the bedrooms were, the servants were dismissed after dinner was finished and Mae wasn’t one to make much noise. As Dorian paused at the door leading into his bedroom, the sound of unexpected shuffling from within made his heart leap before a steely calm overtook him. Looking over his shoulder to make sure Mae wasn’t close by, Dorian summoned lightning into his hand as he opened the door.

“Ah, shit! Wait, Uncle Dorian, it’s me!” A familiar voice squeaked as Dorian entered the room, his magic crackling off of his skin.

The voice soothed Dorian’s nerves and instead of throwing lightning, Dorian lit all the candles and the fireplace in the room, revealing the intruder. Inside his bedroom was a tall, muscular young woman, who was human in all appearances except for her short, white hair and small horns, which spoke of her Qunari heritage. She was crouching by Dorian’s writing desk with a worn pack at her feet and was rummaging through the drawers, but he knew she wasn’t looking for incriminating secrets.

“My good Antivan brandy is in the bottom drawer to the right, Alana,” Dorian told the young lady lightly, unable to hide the smile forming across his face.

“Should’ve known it was in the magically locked drawer,” she pouted. “I guess I’ll have to settle on your shitty Kirkwall whiskey.” She opened the top left drawer and pulled out the bottle of whiskey Dorian kept there and placed it on the desk with a loud and disappointed thump.

Then Alana Trevelyan got up and threw her arms around Dorian, the force of the hug made Dorian rock back on his heels and she squeezed the breath out of his lungs with her strong arms. She reminded Dorian fiercely of her mother and he always got a little misty eyed whenever he saw Alana. Her height, strength, and horns all marked her as the Iron Bull’s daughter, but her face, her dark eyes, her tanned complexion, and her sheer determination were all from Evelyn.

After Alana let him go, Dorian motioned for her to sit in one of the plush armchairs by the fireplace as he did. Alana grabbed the bottle of whiskey and sat down, giving Dorian the same smirk her mother did years ago. Dorian liked to imagine that Evelyn had the same attitude as Alana when she was a seventeen year old, flippant, defiant, and passionate.

“The last I heard, your grandmother was threatening to send you to a convent. Are you visiting to say farewell before you take your vows and devote your life to the Maker?” Dorian asked.

Alana rolled her eyes and groaned. “Grandma’s got a lot of ideas of where to send me, but I haven’t seen her or been back in Ostwick for almost six months.”

“Six months?” Dorian asked, feeling and sounding startled at the news as Alana was in finishing school in Ostwick the last time he saw her just over a year ago. “What have you been up to since then?”

“Went traveling with Dad and then I headed off on my own. I’m a Red Jenny now,” Alana said with pride, her dark eyes sparkling in the light, and she tugged on the red scarf around her neck. “Aunt Sera introduced me to some people a couple months ago while I was in Denerim and now I’m riling up nobles left and right.”

Dorian laughed, Alana always chafed under rules and the boundaries of her noble heritage, and wanted to make her own way and to get past her mother’s legacy. “I cannot imagine a more fitting group for you. Now, what brings you to Val Royeaux? Are you here to ruffle my noble feathers?”

“Nah, not this time at least,” she claimed, taking a sip of the whiskey straight from the bottle. “Mae’s turning fourteen in a couple of weeks, right? I was in the area and thought I’d drop by for her birthday. It’s been over a year since I saw her, not since you guys moved from Tevinter. Still can’t believe you guys left.”

Longing tugged at Dorian’s very soul, but he shrugged and replied neutrally, “There were too few opportunities for Mae in Tevinter. Here she has access to better education and society, and if Vivienne has her way, Mae will be married to some stuffy Orlesian nobleman within a year.”

Alana shuddered. “Are you sure that’s any better?”

Dorian remembered Mae’s face pressing into his chest, her shoulders shaking, and tears soaking his robes, all because the daughters of Dorian’s peers teased her about being lowborn, even though she was Dorian’s heir. As it became apparent that she would not become a mage, tutors and masters started declining her as a pupil, despite Dorian’s ample payments and her sharp mind and hunger to learn. Then, one day, Mae begged Dorian not to make her go to the theatre with him, because she could not bear to go out into public and have people sneer at her due to her status and lack of magic.

“It’s much better,” Dorian said with heaviness. 

“How is she doing now?”

“I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised, she’s made a lot of progress since we’ve moved to Orlais. She’s more confident and outgoing and Mae is rather popular in her class, I had to put a limit on how many people she could invite to her birthday party.” 

Dorian enrolled Mae in a prestigious girl’s academy in the city and he could see the improvement almost immediately. While her Tevinter features and name caused some pause, her lack of magic was a boon for her and her own refined and engaging manners earned her many friends. It also helped that Vivienne took a keen interest in Mae and her education, so Mae was seen in all the right places with the right people. Few people thought twice about the fact that Mae was the orphaned daughter of Dorian’s Laetan steward and wife, not when Dorian was a member of the former Inquisition and known to be a beloved friend of the Herald of Andraste.

Alana grinned. “That’s great! She doesn’t talk much about her friends, so I was worried. What else is she up to?”

“Mae is getting ready to spend the summer with your Uncle Cullen and his family at Lake Celestine.”

“Are you going with her?” Alana’s eyes widened when Dorian shook his head. “Really? I can’t believe that, she never wants to leave your side.”

“It’s a great improvement for her to even agree to go without me, but we’ll see what happens when the time comes.”

“What about you, Uncle Dorian? Do you have an Orlesian boyfriend yet?”

“I'm the same as always,” Dorian’s smile suddenly felt stiff. “But enough about Mae and I, tell me, how has your father been? I haven’t received a letter from the Iron Bull in several months, normally he’s a faithful correspondent, but I’ve been feeling rather neglected by him.”

Alana squirmed a little, looking away guiltily, and Dorian’s heart dropped. She caught his expression and hastily reassured him, “Dad’s fine! He’s fine, still kicking around, you know? It’s just that … I haven’t exactly kept in touch with him after I left.”

“What!?”

“It was all fine for a while, you know? It was just us in the Free Marches, no one telling us that we have to go to some party or take lessons for things I’ll never use again or have tea with some suitor. We even met up with Uncle Krem and the Chargers. That was so much fun! But then Dad wanted us to go back to Ostwick so I could finish up school and I disagreed, so I kind of left. Sort of like you and your father, right? He wanted you to be someone else and you left.” She took another sip of the whiskey.

“This is nothing like my situation with my father, young lady, and you know it.” Dorian rubbed his face and sighed loudly. “You know that he’s tracking you down as we speak. The Iron Bull must know by now that you’re in Val Royeaux and it’s only a matter of time before he’s pounding on my door.”

“Uh, yeah, probably. A Red Jenny saw him outside of the city just a couple days ago.” 

“Sweet Maker! I’m going to be chest deep in Trevelyan family drama in an hour, aren’t I?”

Alana handed Dorian the bottle of whiskey with a sympathetic look and he took a good, long drink from it. 

“Whatever happens, Uncle Dorian, will you promise me not to let him take me back to Ostwick? I really don’t want to go back.”

“I’ll make no such promise.”

“I thought you’d understand!” Alana protested indignantly. “You left home too and you refused to go back when your father came for you.”

“Alana, there’s a great difference between your father wanting you to return to school and my father kidnapping me as an adult to use blood magic to change me,” Dorian’s voice dropped dangerously and the teenager’s spine straightened immediately. “If I thought for a second that your father was going to hurt you, I’d protect you from him in a heartbeat, but that’s not the case.”

Alana deflated in her seat and pouted.

“You’ll stay here until your father comes and Andraste help you if you leave before then, because I will not deal with an angry Qunari at my door on my own.”

“Tal-Vashoth,” Alana corrected quietly.

“Let’s get you settled in for the night,” Dorian said gently as he stood up and clasped Alana’s shoulder, “and we’ll talk in the morning.”

“What if Dad doesn’t actually come?” Alana asked in a small voice, sounding younger than her seventeen years.

Dorian’s heart broke. He could only imagine the fight Alana and Bull had that caused her to leave, but he knew that Bull would be at his door any day now. He didn’t think there was anything that could diminish the Iron Bull’s love for his daughter. 

“Alana, you know that’s not the case, your father loves you more than anything. But you always have a place here with Mae and I, you’re always welcome to our home as family.”

“Thank you, Uncle Dorian,” she whispered, blinking back tears and getting up to kiss on Dorian’s cheek.

Dorian settled Alana in one of the guestrooms, and then went downstairs to check on Mae in the library, who was stretched out on the sofa, her book resting on her chest as she snored softly. He shook her awake and steered his barely conscious daughter to her room before retiring to his own. Stripping out of his robes, Dorian slipped into his large bed and laid there awake, thinking about both the pleasure and burden of seeing Iron Bull in the following days. He was eager to see Bull again, as he always was, but he didn’t look forward bearing witness to Bull and Alana’s confrontation. 

Bull and Alana loved each other, Dorian knew that, but they were too different. The Iron Bull grew up under the Qun and did what was expected of him, while Alana spent much of her youth trying to buck what people expected of her, and they often clashed over the best course for her future. Even if Bull didn’t think that Alana would thrive in school, he would push her in that direction because it was what Evelyn would’ve wanted for their daughter.

Dorian was flattered that Alana related to him and turned to him, though their situations were vastly different. Alana felt suffocated by Bull and her grandparents, but she was always treated with love and kindness despite some of the scandals she caused, which wasn’t a luxury that was afforded to Dorian during his willful youth. Even Alana’s grandmother, the strict and overly religious Lady Trevelyan, had real affection for her. Because of that, Dorian wouldn’t protest if Bull insisted Alana return to Ostwick, though Dorian would do nothing to help him and would be highly amused to see Bull try.

Still, Dorian didn’t think that Bull was going to force Alana into anything, he was sure that Bull just wanted to see Alana, make sure she was fine, and to spend some time with his daughter. Knowing the Iron Bull, he was probably only a couple steps behind of Alana the entire time, waiting for a good opportunity to approach her and waiting for her to find herself. Now, after establishing herself as a Red Jenny and seeking out Dorian’s home as neutral ground, he was sure Bull would approach Alana.

There was no possibility that Bull would not come to reconcile with his daughter, Dorian thought to himself, because ever since Evelyn died, Alana was all the Iron Bull had.


	2. Never Easier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Iron Bull invites himself to Dorian's home.

_“Krem said you’d be coming,” Iron Bull called out and lifted a hand in greeting as Dorian rode into the outskirts of Evelyn’s basecamp, which was situated several miles south of an old Tevinter temple. “You should’ve seen the look on Evie’s face when it was him talking to her through that crystal and not you.”_

_“I assume Evelyn has yet to stop cursing me after she realized what was going on,” Dorian gave Bull a half smile as he swung off his horse, groaning at the ache in his limbs from riding almost nonstop to meet with Evelyn and her allies. He swayed a bit, a lack of rest and food made him lightheaded, but Bull reached out and gripped his shoulders, steadying Dorian before he fell over._

_“I think you look bad enough that Evie won’t touch you. Besides, she softened up after the Chargers picked up Alana and she got to hear our daughter’s voice. They’re all doing good, Mae keeps asking for you.”_

_“I’d like to talk to her before we take the temple.”_

_Bull nodded. “You made it just in time, we’re infiltrating the temple in a couple of days. We’re going in with four of Evie’s agents and Fenris.”_

_“Fenris? Varric’s friend?”_

_“Yeah, you’ll like him. Likes long walks on the beach and tearing out the hearts of slavers, he’s easy on the eye too.”_

_“Well, he does sound like my kind of man, perhaps I’ll even buy him a drink after this is over with. It’ll be quite like old times, won’t it? I’ll rain down fire on our foes and you and Evelyn will chop them up into bits. She was always exceptionally good at wandering around ancient ruins and killing things.”_

_“Not quite, Fenris and I are hanging back and cutting down anything that tries to follow.”_

_Dorian blinked in surprise and saw the Iron Bull’s mouth dipped in a frown and his normally clear blue eye was darkened. During the days of the Inquisition, Iron Bull stood at Evelyn’s side as her bodyguard, taking the hits aimed at her even though she was more than tough enough to stand on her own. To be delegated to the rear, to be far from Evelyn, must have been hard on Bull and Dorian imagined he didn’t take it well._

_“Then I will take point with Evelyn. These young ones she’s gathered here don’t have the experience I do at keeping her out of trouble,” Dorian sniffed._

_“Evie wants you with me.”_

_“Evelyn should know that I don’t do very well obeying orders,” Dorian grinned as the tight lines on Bull’s face eased. “I promise to watch out for her, as I always have.”_

_“Thanks, big guy,” Bull said as he suddenly pulled Dorian into a tight hug. “I like the people Evie and Cassandra gathered, but I trust you.”_

_Letting Dorian go, Bull brought him into the camp and got Dorian settled by a fire with a bowl of hot food. They sat side by side, their shoulders brushing against each other as Dorian listened to Bull as he filled Dorian in on what was happening. It reminded Dorian of their time in the Inquisition, camped out in the middle of nowhere to kill zealous followers of some ancient evil, eating poorly seasoned food that tasted amazing because it was hot and filling, and Bull at his side, musing out loud about different ways a battle could go._

_Evelyn came by, pacing the camp as she spoke into the sending crystal, her eyes lighting up and then narrowing at the sight of Dorian. He knew she was going to chew him out once she was finished talking to her daughter. She sat down next to Iron Bull, still speaking to Alana, who was on her way to Ferelden with Mae and the Chargers for protection._

_“I love you, Alana,” Evelyn said into the crystal. “You keep an eye on Mae and keep her safe, ok? You be brave and strong for her when she can’t, your Uncle Dorian is counting on you and so am I.”_

_Those were to be Evelyn’s last words to her daughter._

-

“Alana!” Mae all but screamed as she came into the dining room for breakfast and spotted Alana sitting at the table. She launched herself at Alana, her long, wavy hair still wild from sleep and dressed in her pajamas and dressing gown.

“Mae!” Alana laughed, hugging the younger girl.

“Papa, did you send for Alana for my birthday? Is Uncle Bull coming too?” Mae asked after she pulled away from Alana and took the seat next to her.

“Alana thought of this all on her own, love, and her father will be along shortly,” Dorian answered, raising an eyebrow at Alana’s wince.

Mae didn’t seem to notice as she took Alana’s hands in her own and started, “You must tell everything that’s happened to you since we last spoke! Did you get to meet with Aunt Sera like you hoped? How are she and Aunt Dagna? Oh, tell me if you saw Uncle Cullen and his family while you were in Ferelden! Tell me all about traveling through the Free Marches with your father, did you see the Chargers? Is Uncle Krem well?”

Dorian hid the roll of his eyes behind his cup of coffee as it was obvious Mae knew more about Alana’s life than he did. It was little wonder that she did, as Mae often used Dorian’s sending crystal to speak with Alana, who kept her mother’s crystal. The girls caught up with each other while Dorian half listened and idly wondered how long it would take Iron Bull to figure out where his daughter was hiding and come knocking on his door. 

He wasn’t held in suspense for long, because halfway through breakfast his housekeeper came into the dining room to announce the Iron Bull. That morning Dorian instructed the housekeeper to let in any large, one eyed Tal-Vashoth mercenaries into the house. The housekeeper, an older elf who served Dorian back in Tevinter and came with him out to Val Royeaux, only sighed wearily at her employer.

The Iron Bull still cut an impressive figure as he entered the room and Dorian smiled at the sight of his old friend. His stomach was still soft with fat, but his chest and arms were as well muscled as always. His face was aged, though not terribly so, there were some wrinkles alongside his old scars and his stubble was peppered with white, but he looked very much as he always did.

“Uncle Bull!” Mae jumped up from her chair, knocking it down in her haste, and threw her arms around her uncle, stretching up on her tippy toes to kiss his cheek.

“Look at you, Mae, you’re all grown up!” Bull managed a smile and hugged Dorian’s daughter, who looked ridiculously tiny compared to the towering Tal-Vashoth.

Dorian got up as well and followed in Mae’s example by embracing his friend. He was too old for frivolous formalities in his own home and didn’t even pretend to go through the motions with his friend. Bull squeezed him extra hard, not unlike Alana the night before, and he could almost feel Bull smiling into his hair.

“Hey there, big guy,” Bull rumbled.

“You need a bath, you big lummox,” Dorian complained halfheartedly as he gave Iron Bull a sniff.

Bull’s smile widened. “You like it.” He rubbed Dorian’s jawline with his thumb, along Dorian’s neatly trimmed and short beard. “Aw, your new beard is cute.”

Dorian exhaled loudly. “What would you know? It makes me look dignified.”

The entire time, Alana didn’t move an inch from her seat. Her arms were crossed and sulking as she stared at her breakfast as if her poached eggs had done something to offend her. 

Bull disengaged himself from Dorian and Mae, took a couple steps towards Alana and quietly said, “Imekari …”

Alana stayed in her chair, but Dorian could see the watery shine in her eyes and the small tremble in her chin.

“Come on, love, grab your breakfast and we’ll eat outside,” Dorian said softly to Mae. She opened her mouth to protest, but Dorian gave her a stern look that made her scramble for her plate and went right out the door. Dorian closed the doors to the dining room behind them as they left to give Bull and Alana some much needed privacy.

The porch at the back of the house offered them a fine view of the property’s gardens, of lovely rows of hedges, flowers, and small trees, all tastefully managed by the gardener. But Mae’s eyes were fixed on her plate and Dorian stared into his cup of coffee, his thoughts wandering to his friend who was undoubtedly having a painful conversation with his daughter. Mae frowned as she polished off her meal and Dorian knew that she had questions.

“Papa?” she asked. “Why do Alana and Uncle Bull fight? Is it like you and Grandmother?”

Dorian tried to shield Mae from the worst of his mother’s sneers. She did not approve of Dorian adopting a lowborn orphan child as his daughter and heir, and made her opinions clear to him several times in front of Mae. He eventually stopped speaking to his mother for Mae’s benefit until his mother fell ill and he finally made his peace with her before she passed away. One of the most difficult moments of his life was cradling his mother’s thin, yellow hued hand in his own as she looked away from him and muttered into her pillow, “I did not expect for you to be such a good father.”

“No,” Dorian said quickly to Mae. “It’s nothing like your grandmother and I, Alana and her father love and respect each other. We’ve talked about this before, Alana just wants to be herself and your Uncle Bull wants to give her the life that your Aunt Evelyn wanted for Alana. Unfortunately, those aren’t the same thing and it hasn’t been easy for either of them.”

Mae stared down at her hands in her lap. He knew that the friction between Alana and Bull always made her uncomfortable as she and Dorian were close. But Mae wasn’t the child of the Herald of Andraste and was barely a year old when she lost her parents, while Alana lost her mother at the age of nine.

Mae met her father’s eyes. “Are we going to be like that when I get older, Papa?”

“I sincerely hope not, love.”

Dorian didn’t let Mae dither after breakfast, because despite the interruption to their usual routine by their unexpected guests, Mae still had her music lessons that day. School wasn’t in session until the fall, but Dorian wanted to make sure that Mae kept up with her music, language, and fencing lessons over the summer. Once Mae was dressed and her violin teacher arrived, Dorian retreated to the library, noticing that the doors to the dining room were still shut. 

Alana’s voice carried out from behind the closed doors, a notch or two louder than her normal speaking voice, but not loud enough for Dorian to clearly hear what she was saying. The tone wasn’t angry though and there was no yelling or screaming, which Dorian assumed was a good sign. He silently wished the Iron Bull luck.

In the library, Dorian caught up on his correspondence, mostly to his political allies back in Tevinter, which kept his mind occupied throughout the morning. Earlier Maevaris sent him a bundle of motions she was going to propose to the Magisterium and Dorian wrote to her his comments as he worked through the pile. The work was a far cry from his old life in the Tevinter and long hours at the Magisterium, but it kept him busy and made him feel that he didn’t completely abandon Maevaris and their political faction. Dorian was in the middle of writing to Maevaris when the door to the library opened and Iron Bull stepped inside holding a tray with lunch.

“Mae has strictly forbidden me from taking my meals in the library,” Dorian commented as Bull put the tray down on his desk. On the tray were a couple of glasses of wine, sliced up fruit, and sandwiches of cold ham and cheese.

“She said that’s because you don’t actually eat your meals when you’re in the library. I told her that I’d make sure you cleaned your plate.” Bull pulled up a chair and made himself comfortable, picking up his sandwich.

“I fully expect both you and Alana to stay for Mae’s birthday,” Dorian informed Bull as they ate. “It’s in two weeks.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, Mae already got us to promise that we would,” Bull replied around a mouthful of food.

“Ugh,” Dorian wrinkled his nose in disgust, “do not speak with your mouth full.”

Bull then did the unthinkable and opened his mouth wide to show Dorian his half chewed food.

“Maker have mercy, that’s disgusting! And you wonder why Alana has no manners to speak of!”

Bull swallowed his food and grinned. “It’s damn good to see you, Dorian.”

Dorian’s expression softened. “It’s good to see you too, Bull. How did your talk with Alana go?”

Sighing, Bull shrugged, “It went ok, she isn’t going to leave the city or avoid me and we’re speaking to each other again.”

“You weren’t before? What happened, Bull?”

Bull just grunted and answered vaguely, “You know how it is between us. I want to do everything Evie would have done, but fuck it up and Alana just wants to run off and join a mercenary company or the circus or whatever catches her fancy, then both of us get stubborn. I know this would be a whole lot easier if I stopped trying to fight Evie’s battles.”

Dorian’s heart ached and his mind turned to a memory of visiting Ostwick one summer and of Evelyn arguing with an eight year old Alana about wearing a dress for Chantry services, who adamantly refused. Mae pressed her face into Dorian’s stomach to hide her giggles as Evelyn chased Alana around the parlor, waving the dress with her one arm, and Alana finally found shelter behind of her father, who had just entered the room. Even at a young age, Alana was defiant, her attitude was not something new that she reserved for Bull.

With a flippancy that he didn’t feel, Dorian said, “If it brings you any comfort, I am certain that these are battles Evelyn could have never won. There is no scenario in which Alana would have happily gone to school and played the part of a sophisticated Free Marcher noblewoman. She has always seen the hypocrisy and tedious of it all and rightfully despises it, which I believe she got from you.”

“Thanks, big guy, that’s sort of comforting,” Bull gave Dorian a weak smile. “But I still feel like I’m screwing it up.”

“As someone who came to greatly resent his parents, trust me when I say that you are far from ‘screwing it up.’ Alana still loves you, still respects you, and the fact that she’s willing to listen to you and not flee the country should tell you something.”

“You talked to your father and he was a major asshole.”

“Only because Evelyn emotionally blackmailed me!” Dorian exclaimed, then mimicked Evelyn’s Free Marcher accent, “‘Oh Dorian, talk to your father, please don’t leave it like this, you’ll never forgive yourself, blah, blah, blah.’ And you remember how well that turned out. If you can avoid such a reaction from Alana, I believe all is not lost.”

Bull huffed out a small laugh. “That’s a pretty low bar for me to clear. Don’t use blood magic on my kid and don’t drive her to try to poison herself with alcohol just from speaking to me.”

“One must have standards, my friend.”

The amusement on Bull’s face slid away and his broad shoulders sagged. “Raising a kid on your own never gets any easier, does it?”

“Please let me know when it does, I would very much like to know when I’ll stop getting grey hairs.” Dorian ran a hand through his still mostly black hair, his hair wasn’t long enough to pull back anymore as he kept it in Tevinter and the shorter length made it obvious that Dorian was grey at the sides.

“Will do. At least I had Evie for a while and then her parents to help raise Alana. You’ve been going it alone the entire time.”

“It’s for the best, considering my options in Tevinter.” Dorian shifted uncomfortably and swiftly changed the topic, “I assume you’re not taking Alana back to Ostwick?”

“No, I’m not forcing her back, she isn’t happy there and she’s practically an adult now,” Bull frowned and Dorian could see his shoulders tense. “She’s going to stay in Val Royeaux for the time being, she said that she likes it here and has a place to stay.”

“Alana is always welcome here and so are you, Bull, for as long as you like.”

Some of the tension drained for Bull’s body at the offer. “Thanks, I appreciate it, Dorian.” Then, with an old sadness and hurt, Bull lamented, “I wish Evie could see Alana now, a fucking badass Red Jenny, she’d be so proud.”

Dorian snorted loudly. “Proud? You mean Evelyn would be tearing her hair out as Alana drove her up the wall.”

That got a large and wistful smile from Bull. “True, but she’d be secretly proud.”

-

Dinner that evening was a lively affair, mostly because Alana was busy telling tales about her short time as a Red Jenny. She wasn’t a skilled storyteller like Varric, but she had a quality to her that drew people in and quickly hooked them in on her tales. 

It reminded Dorian sharply of Evelyn telling a story about her aunt as they all sat around the table playing Wicked Grace at Varric’s behest. He could remember Evelyn’s wicked smile, her loud laugh, the way she sloshed her ale as she described the scene, and the way she leaned against Bull, pretending to snuggle up with him, but was actually peeking at his cards. Dorian taught her that one.

Mae was entranced by Alana as she always was and begged the older girl for more details about her adventures. Dorian’s daughter laughed openly in a way she rarely did and became animated as Alana’s stories became more outrageous. 

Sitting next to Dorian, Bull quietly ate his dinner and was entertained by his daughter’s outlandish stories of meeting with Sera and the mayhem they caused, but he didn’t say much. Bull’s smiles were genuine enough, though more reserved than usual, and stories that normally would have gotten a boom of laughter from him only received a small chuckle. Throughout dinner, Alana’s eyes kept darting towards her father, watching his reactions.

“Uncle Bull, I hope you’ll stay with my father in the city for the rest of the summer,” Mae addressed Bull after dessert was served. “I’m to go to Lake Celestine soon and I’d be much happier knowing that someone was around to help take care of Papa.”

“You may want to take note, my love, that I am not a child who needs watching,” Dorian reminded his daughter gently.

“But will you stay, Uncle Bull? Until I return? I can cut my sojourn short if you cannot stay the entire summer,” Mae pressed eagerly as she ignored Dorian’s protests and Alana’s snickering.

“I’m sure Dorian can take care of himself, but I’d be happy to keep an eye on him, if your father wants me around,” Bull answered and his eye settled on Alana, who was suddenly fascinated by her dessert. “I’m planning to stay in the area either way.”

After the evening meal, Dorian invited Bull into the library for a drink while the girls ventured out to go to the small park down the street from the house. Dorian was sure that Alana would convince Mae to sneak out further into the city with her and he found that he didn’t mind. Mae needed to get into a little mischief and Alana’s appearance would scare off anyone wanting to cause trouble, plus she was strong and wickedly fast with her daggers.

“You’re limping,” Dorian noticed as he and Bull made their way inside the library and Bull sat down heavily on one of the chairs. The sudden tiredness on Bull’s face instantly explained his quiet demeanor at dinner. While the Iron Bull was still strong and could still swing a battleaxe or a greatsword with ease, he was several years older than Dorian and his old injuries were catching up with him.

“Getting old sucks,” Bull grumbled.

“Did you even try to take proper care of yourself while you were traveling all these months?” Dorian complained and without really thinking about it, he kneeled in front of Bull, channeled heat in his palms and ran his hands over Bull’s aching leg.

He didn’t know why he did it, the last time Dorian massaged Bull’s leg was when they were in the Inquisition. A long time ago, in the damp cold of the Storm Coast, Dorian and the Iron Bull shared a tent after Evelyn dragged the two of them and Blackwall to search for signs of the Grey Wardens and Dorian noticed that Bull was limping slightly by the end of the day. It was before Bull and Evelyn fell in love and when Bull and Dorian fell into an easier trust. They weren’t as close of friends as they would become later, but the hostility Dorian harbored for Bull had faded and he thought of Bull as a trusted ally, if not a friend.

“Let me do this for you,” Dorian had murmured in the darkness of their tent as he took off the metal brace off of Bull’s leg.

Bull drew in a sharp breath as Dorian’s hands enclosed over his ankle and slowly worked up to his knee. It took a couple minutes, but Bull finally relaxed under Dorian’s ministrations and groaned softly when Dorian worked out a particularly bad knot.

“You’re a real sweet guy, Dorian,” Bull had rasped.

Dorian had been grateful for the darkness as he could feel the blood rush to his face and his heart sped up at the comment. It was rare for someone to pay him such a compliment and no one had ever called him sweet before. He didn’t acknowledge the comment and continued to massage the pain out of Bull’s limb.

In the present, Bull sighed loudly in relief, “Fuck that feels good.” His eye fluttered closed and he said, “This is really fucking awesome, but you know that you don’t have to do this.”

Dorian didn’t bother to reply and eased out the knots in Bull’s leg, feeling the muscles go lax as he worked. A comfortable silence settled over them, the crackle of the fire in the hearth was the only sound in the room for several minutes.

“I remember when you first did this for me at the Storm Coast,” Bull said suddenly, his eye still closed. “I was surprised and a little afraid that you’d burn my leg off, but it was good and it was the nicest damn thing.”

“Evelyn thought we were being intimate from all the noise you made,” Dorian chuckled at the memory. At the time Evelyn was pursuing Blackwall, before his secrets drove Evelyn away, and so there was no hostility or awkwardness in her inquiry, just curiosity and excitement.

“She should’ve known that I would’ve made you scream,” Bull smirked with confidence.

“Scream? I would have done no such thing!” Dorian wrinkled his nose, but his lips twitched upward. “I am most discreet with my affairs.”

Bull grinned, showing off his teeth. “That’s because you have your affairs with boring noblemen and not with me.”

“You know full well that there’s nothing boring about the men I have slept with.”

Bull already knew of Dorian’s sexual past, which was certainly not full of noblemen. Bull heard about his trips to brothels and the debauchery he indulged in during his youth, and noticed Dorian’s string of affairs with soldiers in the Inquisition. Though after he returned to Tevinter, Dorian did seek out the company of his social peers, those willing to engage in brief trysts before parting ways and could be considered dull noblemen, though the things they did could never be thought of as boring.

Finally, Dorian let his hands fall away from Bull’s leg and grunted as he tried to get up off the floor. He wobbled embarrassingly as his joints protested angrily over their abuse, he might have fallen over if Bull didn’t stand up and grab him by the arms in time to steady him.

“To think that we used to run all over Thedas, killing demons, Red Templars and Venatori without a second thought, and now I’m nearly brought down by too much kneeling and not in the way I am used to,” Dorian said with frustration.

Bull chuckled lightly and he pulled Dorian into an embrace. “Don’t worry, I’m here to protect you from the evil floor.”

Dorian smiled into Bull’s chest, “I expect my knights to be in shining armor.”

“You like the view.”

Closing his eyes, Dorian remembered his complaining to Bull about how the Qunari should wear full armor all the time as they roamed Crestwood, Bull’s prodding to rile Dorian up, Evelyn’s amused look, and trying very much not to admire the view.


	3. Wicked Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vivienne enjoys meddling in Dorian's life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Managed to get another chapter in after only a couple of days!

_“Dorian!” Evelyn’s scream echoed through the antechamber of the ancient Tevinter temple._

_Solas’s ice spell tore into Dorian, shattering his barrier like it was cast by an apprentice and caught him in the left side of his chest and stomach. The sheer shock of the impact kept Dorian standing for a few seconds before he crumpled at Evelyn’s feet. He had stepped in front of her when he felt the beginnings of Solas’s spell crawl across his skin and he tried to deflect the attack with a powerful barrier, pouring all of his mana into it. His barrier saved him from being instantly killed, but it did little to protect him from Solas’s wrathful ice._

_For all of Solas’s declarations that he respected Evelyn and thought of her as a friend, he had meant to kill her. Or, perhaps, Solas understood Dorian’s nature too well and knew that Dorian would take the blow._

_Lying on the chilled and cracked marble floor, all Dorian could see was the ruined ceiling of the temple, lush vines were growing along the edges of the long shattered glass dome and the sunlight caught the shards of colored glass, making them shine like jewels. He could taste, smell, and feel his blood, a warm wetness was spreading through his armor and the metallic bite of copper was thick on his tongue and filled his nostrils._

_In that moment, through the cold and numb shock of his wounds, Dorian could only think of two things: That he would break his promise to Mae that he would return to her and that he fulfilled his promise to the Iron Bull to watch out for Evelyn._

_Evelyn fell to her knees next to him, her fingers tangled in his hair. “I told you to go to Ferelden. I told you to stay back with Bull,” her voice cracked painfully. “I wanted to keep you safe, you stubborn bastard. Oh, Dorian ...”_

_He wanted to say something sarcastic to Evelyn to comfort her, but all that came out was a gurgle of blood and saliva. A quiet sob escaped from Evelyn._

_Another pair of familiar hands were on him and Maevaris stared down at him, anger and grief twisted up in her features. How shocked he was when he found out that she was one of the agents Evelyn recruited to fight Solas, but Dorian was glad for it, that he could have her there with him in his final moments. Maevaris was no healer, but she was pouring her magic into him, trying to stitch together the worst of his wounds, though Dorian seriously doubted her success._

_“You’re not dying today, my hothouse orchid,” Maevaris told him. Looking over to Evelyn, she snapped, “I have him. Go now! Follow Solas and kill that bastard for me!”_

_There was a brief moment of hesitation before Evelyn nodded and got up, and she and her people followed Solas into the Eluvian that he escaped into. Dorian closed his eyes, thinking of his daughter’s face, of her pleas for him not to leave he behind, and her quiet sniffles through the sending crystal just that morning, begging him to come back to her. To cause her such pain and to orphan her for a second time was his only regret in life._

_Heavy footsteps echoed through the large space of the antechamber and the clank of something heavy and metal dropping onto the marble tile rang in Dorian’s ears. Someone knelt by him, large rough hands cupped his face and calloused fingers stroked his clammy skin._

_“He saved Trevelyan’s life. She and the others went through the Eluvian after Solas, but it went dark after they went in,” Maevaris’s disembodied voice told the newcomer, her magic filling Dorian in comforting pulses._

_“Fuck, Dorian,” the Iron Bull whispered, drawing in a loud, shuddering breath. “Hey, big guy, you’re going to be ok, you’re going to be fine. Open your eyes, come on, Dorian. Open your eyes—”_

_Dorian didn’t hear the rest._

-

For as large and tall both Iron Bull and Alana were, they both managed to avoid being intrusive guests. Alana often disappeared during the day while Mae had her lessons and appeared back in the evening to spend time with Mae and to eat dinner. Then she’d disappear again, sometimes coming back to spend the night, other times not. 

Iron Bull was also prone to go out on his own to let Dorian go about his business during the day. But sometimes he sat in the library reading as Dorian wrote letters to his political allies back in Tevinter or sorted out the last details for Mae’s birthday celebration.

“This is what you do all the time now? Write angry letters to the Magisterium?” Bull asked one afternoon while Dorian was hunched over his desk with his correspondence.

“Hardly. I give counsel to Maevaris and our allies when they ask for it, I inquire about the current events back at home, and Leliana has given me access to her spy network to root out Venatori sympathizers in the Magisterium. Unsurprisingly, the Divine’s network is astounding, I consult with them when I can and pass along the information of Maevaris. She has killed a lot of Venatori in my stead.”

“Still going after the Venatori with vengeance, huh?”

Dorian leaned back in his chair and laid down his pen. “After two kidnappings, hours of torture, and countless assassination attempts, it’s hard not to take it personally. Plus I broke my favorite staff over one of their hard heads, a completely unforgivable offense. If I cannot be in Tevinter to take them down and bring about reform, I will make use of my resources here.”

Bull looked at Dorian with concern. “Are you happy living here? I haven’t seen you since you moved and I know how much you love your crazy country.”

“Mae is happy here and that is all that matters.” Dorian stared down at the ink drying upon thick parchment paper. “However, I do find Orlais less than ideal when compared to the better aspects of Tevinter.”

“But you’re safer here,” Bull said earnestly, “unless you piss off some Orlesian dowager, your life isn’t in as much danger.”

“That is true, I certainly do not miss the constant threat on my life.” 

“I don’t miss it either.”

Dorian gave Bull a small grin, but he let it fall. “It was never supposed to be this way, I know. I was to bring reform crashing down upon the Magisterium, destroy the Venatori, and save my homeland from itself. But over fifteen years in the Magisterium and all I managed was to chip away at the corruption. Now I cling onto relevancy through letters and scribbles on the margins of laws drafted by others.”

“Regret it much?” Bull asked not unkindly.

Shaking his head, Dorian answered, “Mae will have a better future this way and I will do for her what my parents never did for me by putting her happiness and wellbeing above my own ambitions. She is doing well here, better than I expected, and she has already established a good reputation for herself, her opportunities will be plentiful.”

Bull reached over and his hand enclosed over Dorian’s, his thumb rubbing over Dorian’s knuckles. “You’re a good dad, Dorian.”

Warmth bloomed in Dorian’s chest and his cheeks felt unexpectedly flush, even as he said, “Of course. I do everything with perfection.” 

There was a certain comfort to Iron Bull’s presence, to be able to talk to an adult so openly. Maevaris was always Dorian’s confidant back in Tevinter and since his move to Orlais, he was sorely missing her company. With Bull there, he listened to Dorian ramble about the politics back at home, let Dorian rant about the guest list to Mae’s party, and rubbed Dorian’s tense shoulders at the end of the day. 

And even better, Iron Bull divided Vivienne’s attention from Dorian when she came to Dorian’s house for tea.

Though Vivienne could never be described as soft or motherly, she was a positive influence in Mae’s life. Impressed with Mae’s grace and manners, her dedication to her education, and her superb talent in music, Vivienne took an interest in Mae’s life. That also meant that she was interested in arranging an advantageous marriage for Mae, something that Dorian wasn’t ready to consider with his daughter turning only fourteen.

Now in the company of the Iron Bull, Vivienne became focused on him and Alana. Vivienne was exceedingly disappointed with how Alana turned out as she was very fond of Evelyn in her own way. Evelyn’s own willfulness was forgiven in Vivienne’s eyes due to her actions and power, but she had hoped that Alana might play the part of a well-bred lady that Evelyn never did. Vivienne at least didn’t fault the Iron Bull and placed most of the blame on Alana’s grandmother, Lady Trevelyan, for not bringing her to heel.

“A Red Jenny?” Vivienne asked archly, the disgust in her voice thinly veiled. She raised a delicate eyebrow at Iron Bull after she spent nearly half an hour interrogating him about Alana, and he finally relented and told her what Alana was up to. Dorian was glad that he thought ahead and warned Alana of Vivienne’s visit, giving her ample time to run off before Madame de Fer arrived.

“Yes, ma’am, it seems to make her happy,” Bull replied, carefully sipping his tea, but there was the slightest of tremors in his fingers.

“I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised,” Vivienne sighed, “though I am disappointed that she did not complete her schooling.”

“It wasn’t doing much good for her, ma’am. And frankly, I think the headmistress was a prank away from a nervous breakdown.”

The room literally felt colder and Bull was forced to look away from Vivienne’s disapproving stare. Vivienne finally turned to Mae and said to her, “I hope, Mae, that despite her noble birth, you do not take Alana as an example to follow.”

Mae sat on the sofa next to Vivienne with perfect posture and sweet expression on her face. “I hope that one day I might be as strong as Alana, Madame, but I enjoy my lessons and I would like to finish school. Papa hopes to send me to the University of Orlais and I would not want to disappoint him.”

Vivienne gave Mae a satisfied smile, “I’m sure that there is little you could do that would disappoint your father, my dear. Now tell me, how is your progress with the piano? You must play for me the next time you come to visit.”

“I’m doing a little better.”

“She continues to excel at it as she does with the violin,” Dorian corrected. “The master you sent to us is over the moon about her performance.”

“I knew you were being modest, darling,” Vivienne’s cool voice was warmed. “I’m terribly sorry that I won’t be able to attend your little party, the Empress simply cannot spare me, but I have seen the gown your father bought for your birthday and it is stunning. I dare say that you will make quite the statement and your guests will talk about your dress for the rest of the summer, your dear father always did have excellent taste. Here, I’ve brought you a little something to go with it, go ahead and open it.”

She handed Mae a small, long box, neatly wrapped in shimmery paper and tied with a silver bow. Mae looked delighted, but she restrained herself and carefully removed the ribbon and the wrapping paper. Inside was an elegant mother of pearl hairpin with pearls and diamonds set in a flower and leaf design. 

Mae’s eyes went wide and she immediate expressed her gratitude, “Oh, thank you, Madame! It’s so beautiful! I can’t wait to wear it in my hair!”

“It’s a wonderfully generous gift, thank you, Vivienne,” Dorian admired the pin and Bull hummed in appreciation.

“I will send my maid to help you dress and do your hair for your party,” Vivienne told her, even though Mae’s maid did a wonderful job with getting her ready for parties and outings. Still, Dorian just bit his tongue and let Mae beam under Vivienne’s attention and favor.

“Thank you, Madame, you are too kind,” Mae said with all sincerity and enthusiasm.

“You deserve it, my dear, I would not spoil you so if you did not. Now, I must speak with your father in private. I promise to call on you during your stay at Lady Rutherford’s summer home,” Vivienne said, rising to bid Mae farewell with kisses to her cheeks. “You may stay, Iron Bull,” Vivienne amended as Bull got up to leave as well, “I hope to use your good judgement to reason with our dear Lord Dorian.”

Dread filled Dorian as Mae left the room, because there was only one thing Vivienne would want to discuss with him without Mae present. Once the door to the parlor clicked shut, Dorian narrowed his eyes at Vivienne and instantly said, “Whoever you want to introduce Mae to, the answer is no. She is still too young for suitors.”

“Don’t be so hasty, Dorian,” Vivienne sighed, leaning back on the sofa. “I merely wanted to discuss something of a peculiar nature that your daughter shared with me.”

His spine went straight and his hands clenched into fists in his lap. Dorian’s heart raced, but his mind reasoned that Mae would not keep anything serious from him.

“You’re always so melodramatic, dear, that’s why you have so many grey hairs,” Vivienne chastised him. “I only wanted to inform you that when I took Mae to the theatre last week, she made a drastic declaration to me. She told me that she simply refuses to marry until your own situation settled.”

Automatically, Dorian’s hands covered his face to muffle the embarrassed groan that escaped from his lips.

Bull tilted his head in curiosity. “What do you mean, ma’am, until his situation is settled?”

Vivienne’s smile was sharp and nearly triumphant. “Merely that Mae wants to see her father married before she considers it herself, the poor dear can’t stand the thought of leaving Dorian on his own. Even a steady lover in Dorian’s life would put the girl at ease. Though tell me, dear, when _was_ the last time you took on a paramour? I don’t recall you acquiring one since you moved to Orlais.”

The combination of Mae worrying about him in such a way, Vivienne’s obvious pleasure in meddling in his direct affairs, and the fact Bull was there to witness it all, made Dorian actually blush. He rarely felt embarrassed by his carnal pleasures, but discussing the lack of them left him feeling oddly uneasy and exposed. Partners were hard to come by in Tevinter and with his daughter to protect, finding one was always low on his list of priorities. Even after moving to Orlais, Dorian found it best not to dwell too much upon it as he had long been on his own and found himself far too busy even after being removed from the Magisterium.

“I will speak to Mae and reassure her that this is not a matter that she needs to worry about,” Dorian ignored Vivienne’s question.

“Really, darling, I’d be happy to introduce you to a few people. I know an Orlesian lord who has a second son in need of an advantageous connection. The young man is rather honest, not adept at the Game at all, but would make a suitable companion for you. He’s quite handsome, likes to read, and has a remarkable singing voice.”

“I’m not interested, Vivienne.”

“Truly, dear, it would be no bother and it would put dear Mae at ease.”

“Dorian said he wasn't interested, ma’am,” Bull interrupted, using a low and serious tone with Vivienne.

Dorian was afraid that Vivienne might strike Bull down for his imprudence, but Vivienne gave Bull a small and amused smirk as she waved him off. “Very well, we’ll discuss it another time.” She turned to Dorian and sighed, “I should have known that you would be out of humor with Mae about to leave for the summer.”

With the topic dropped, Vivienne soon took her leave, but not before telling Bull that she fully expected to see Alana before they left Val Royeaux and that she trusted him to be a more faithful correspondent. After they saw Vivienne out and she was down the street in her carriage, Bull’s posture slouched.

“Fuck, you deal with her like that all the time?” he asked Dorian as they headed to the gardens behind the house to sit outside until dinner.

“Unfortunately, yes, but it’s the price I pay for her attentions to Mae. Normally, she’s trying to arrange Mae’s marriage and not my own. And I suppose I got off easy today, since you were around.”

“You’re not actually going to take her up on that, right?” Bull asked adamantly. “The last thing Mae would want is for you to be in an unhappy marriage and it’s the last thing I’d think you would want for yourself.”

“It’s furthest thought from my mind at the moment,” Dorian replied. “I’m more concerned that Mae is worrying about such things.”

Despite his dismissal, he did question how long it would be until he took Vivienne up on her offer. Dorian despised the thought of an arranged marriage, but he wasn’t looking forward to the prospect of life by himself in Orlais once Mae was grown up. However, Bull seemed to approve of his apparent lack of interest, so he didn’t bring it up.

Dorian sank down onto the wooden bench padded with silk cushions, shaded under a large tree, and Bull joined him, his long arm stretched over the back of the bench, brushing up against Dorian’s shoulders.

“Mae cares about your happiness, that’s not a bad thing. If I brought another woman home, Alana would skin me,” Bull chuckled and his hand drifted down to the pouch on his belt. Bull no longer wore his dragon tooth necklace around his neck, but he always kept it on him and Alana kept her mother’s half.

It made Dorian think of the dragon’s tooth Bull had given him not long after Solas was defeated, a sort of going away present before they parted ways. The tooth was wrapped carefully in a silk bundle and lying in the magically locked desk drawer along with his Antivan brandy. The gesture was a kind one, though Dorian thought it was extremely optimistic as Bull seemed to think that Dorian would find someone to split it with.

-

“I can’t believe that you willingly spend time with Viv,” Alana grumbled, looking down at the cards in her hands.

“Madame Vivienne is very kind to me and she takes me to Chantry services when Papa wants to sleep in, which is always,” Mae replied. “I’m raising the bet to two candied dates,” she pushed the candy from her pile to the center of the table.

“Vivienne is a very attentive and condescending neighbor, who is best in small doses if you can choke down all of her pearls of wisdom. And you know I cannot take you to Chantry services, love, I need my beauty sleep and I am subjected to hens pecking at me whenever I enter a Chantry building,” Dorian added as he tossed in two candied dates in with the rest of the wagers.

“Why are you seeing her bet? You can’t have anything better than a pair of swords,” Iron Bull complained, looking at Dorian suspiciously, but threw in the extra candy. “Vivienne isn’t that bad, she’s just assertive.”

“Assertive? You’re frightened of her!” Dorian laughed and pulled his cards closer to his chest as Bull leaned closer to him, almost snuggling up to his side. “Keep your eye on your own cards, Bull!”

“Dad says that she reminds him of a strict tama he knew growing up,” Alana clarified as they got ready to show their hands. “She used to rap his knuckles all the time with a switch until his own tama got her to stop.”

Mae was the winner with three face cards and she reaped her rewards of candied dates, chocolates and spiced nuts, though Bull was highly skeptical of Dorian’s own pair of face cards. 

With a sudden thunderstorm rolling through the city that night, Alana decided to stay at the house for the night and they passed the evening playing Wicked Grace in the dining room. Bull was upset that they weren’t playing with real money, but Dorian took out the spiced nuts he liked so much and Bull was content.

It struck Dorian suddenly that this was the first time he saw Bull and Alana spending time together outside of mealtimes. They didn’t seem to be actively avoiding each other, but there was a certain fragileness to their interactions that made Dorian fret. At least the game hadn’t devolved into a shouting match and no threats or weapons were brandished, so Dorian assumed that everything was going well enough between the two of them, despite his feelings otherwise.

“Vivienne seems impressed with you, Mae,” Bull observed as he dealt out the next hand.

“Madame Vivienne enjoys it when I play the piano or violin for her and I am happy to oblige her,” Mae answered modestly, though she sounded rather pleased with herself.

“If Vivienne likes it, then you must be really good. You doing ok with the rest of your lessons?”

“Yes, I really enjoy the school Papa sends me to and I like all of the subjects I’m learning, especially music and fencing.”

Dorian discreetly watched Alana as Bull and Mae talked, and saw that her eyes were stuck on her cards and her mouth was pressed into a firm line. He knew it wasn’t lost on Alana that Mae acted the part of a proper young lady, the kind of lady that Alana’s grandmother would have been thrilled to have as a granddaughter.

“If you like fencing, you should get Alana to spar with you, she’s great in both Free Marcher and Orlesian styles. She’s got a lot of potential and it would be good for both of you to brush up on your skills. I’m betting three chocolates,” Bull put in his bet.

Alana’s eyes fluttered up to her father’s face as everyone else saw his bet. Her gaze lingered on Iron Bull long enough that Mae asked Alana was still playing. She just smiled at the younger girl and raised the stakes, making everyone grumble, but they all called her bet.

“You should see her fight all those poor suckers her grandmother tries to set her up with. She’s fast with a foil as she is with her daggers and those idiots never see her coming.” Pride warmed Bull’s voice and he chuckled at memories Dorian and Mae weren’t privy to, but a large grin spread over Alana’s face.

“That guy that Uncle Maxwell introduced me to was worse than anyone Grandma insisted I meet. Remember how he thought it was cute that I fenced? But then I knocked him right on his butt!” Alana bragged. 

Bull laughed loudly, slapping his hand on the table. “That guy was such an asshole! That fight was over in less than a minute, I think you made him cry!”

“Now let’s see if I can make you cry. I have a straight flush!” Alana laid out her cards smugly.

“That’s because you’ve been holding onto two extra cards, imekari.”

“Hey! I’m just playing by Tevinter rules, just like Uncle Krem taught me. Besides, Uncle Dorian has at least three in his sleeve.”

“He has two in his sleeve and one on his lap,” Bull corrected.

“Mae’s been holding an extra card the entire game,” Dorian quickly tattled on his own daughter, whose jaw dropped at his swift betrayal.

“Papa ate one of your candied dates when you weren’t looking, Uncle Bull,” Mae shot back.

“Fuck, have you guys been cheating this entire time?”

With mock severity, Alana countered, “It’s not our fault you’re not playing by Tevinter rules, Dad.”

Bull paused before another deep and loud laugh escaped from him and devilish grin spread across his face. “I’ve been going easy on all of you. Now I’ll show you how the Ben-Hassrath play.”

By the end of the night, Bull had a large pile of candied dates, spiced nuts, and chocolates in front of him. Alana swiped a handful before she and Mae went to bed, and Dorian snorted at the sight of Bull’s hoard. 

“I hope you choke on your ill-gotten winnings,” Dorian sniped without heat.

“That’s rich coming from you,” Bull retorted as he sorted out the candied dates from the rest of his winnings and pushed them towards Dorian.

“Maker, we used to play Wicked Grace until no one had any coin left and someone lost their smalls. When did we start playing with candy and snacks instead of money?” Dorian asked as he popped one of the treats into his mouth, they were one of his favorite snacks.

“I think after Alana’s grandmother caught us teaching the girls how to play Wicked Grace. I thought we were easing them into it by letting them bet coppers, but Lady Trevelyan flipped her shit, she was so mad we were gambling with money. Damn, Alana was how old? Ten? Eleven years old?”

“Eleven, I believe. I think switching to candies actually made the girls more competitive and encouraged their current gambling habits.” Dorian looked down at the pile of treats that Bull had given him and observed, “You always give me the candied dates when you win. Why?”

A small smile appeared on Bull’s lips and he simply answered, “Because they make you happy.”


	4. Great Occasions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mae has a birthday party and both she and her father dance with a boy.

_“It should have been you.”_

_Dorian slowly opened his eyes and was instantly disoriented by his surroundings. The last thing he remembered was the temple and now he appeared to be in a tent. He was overwhelmed by the persistent sharp pain that blossomed in his chest and stomach, and his head pounded with agony. It was a struggle just to place the female voice speaking to him, let alone understand what was being said. For a moment, he thought it was Maevaris, the pitch was about right, but accent was all wrong._

_“The world doesn’t need another blighted Magister, but it needed the Herald.”_

_A sharp intake of breath only enhanced the pain, but Dorian couldn’t help it as he began to slowly comprehend the words being said to him. Carefully turning his head, he spotted a young woman sitting next to him, her knees drawn up to her chest and she stared at Dorian with hard, dark eyes. The young woman was one of Evelyn’s agents, a former slave of the Imperium._

_“Maevaris could have made all the difference, she was the only mage we brought, the only one with any healing magic, but she was too busy helping you,” the woman spat. “You should have let Solas kill you, then maybe Maevaris could have saved the Herald and she would still be alive.”_

_All Dorian could hear was the pounding of his own heart as the realization of what had passed sank in. Evelyn was dead. Maevaris stayed behind to save Dorian’s life, but it left Evelyn’s team without a mage. They went to face Solas with smaller numbers and Evelyn paid the highest price. If he had forced Maevaris to leave, if he hadn’t tried to deflect Solas’s spell and just died, then Maevaris might have saved Evelyn._

_Squeezing his eyes shut, Dorian could feel the tears sliding down his cheeks and the tremble in his body, both from his wounds and the knowledge that his best friend was dead._

_“Solas is still alive and we needed the Herald to stop him,” the agent continued with growing rage, “we don’t need you. It’s your fault she’s dead.”_

_“For fuck’s sake!” Iron Bull’s voice roared suddenly as he ducked into the tent. “None of this is his fault! You know that he protected Evelyn.”_

_“And she still died! He took Maevaris from us! She could have done something to help the Herald.”_

_In a low and dangerous growl, Bull said, “Get the fuck out of here.”_

_The woman stiffened and scrambled out of the tent. Bull took her place and he wiped away the tears on Dorian’s cheeks._

_“Don’t cry, big guy, don’t cry. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about, she’s angry and is lashing out at everyone. What happened wasn’t your fault, it’s Solas’s. He killed Evie and he’s going to pay for it,” Bull’s tone went from soothing to hard._

_Dorian dared to open his eyes and once his sight came into focus, all he could see were Bull’s tired features. His single eye was bloodshot, there was a shallow and half healed gash on his chin, and the lines on his face were deepened with exhaustion and grief. Then Dorian spotted Evelyn’s dragon tooth necklace, resting side by side with its partner on Bull’s chest. If Dorian couldn’t see her body, then that necklace was all the proof he needed to confirm that Evelyn was gone._

_There was nothing Dorian could do to stop his sobs._

-

The birthday party of Evelyn Maevaris Pavus was the talk of many social circles for the rest of the summer. Not because anything dramatic or garish happened, but because it was hosted with such grace and civility by a Tevinter Magister that it shocked all the Orlesian nobles who attended. The event was a simple garden party at the Pavus home with games and dancing for the kids, a string quartet provided music, tables were setup with plenty of food, punch, and cake, and servants were running around with an ample supply of wine for the adults. 

Everyone agreed that Dorian Pavus’s dashing attire and appearance was only eclipsed by the pretty bloom of his daughter, who many predicted would soon become a great beauty as she matured. They also admired her sense in fashion, her gorgeous silver and blue dress, her simple white shoes adorned with pearl buttons, and the elegant hairpin she wore in her pinned up dark hair.

The caliber of the guests also caused people to talk favorably of the Pavus family. Many members of Orlesian elite were invited as their daughters were friends with Mae through school, but it was the people who were outside their social circle that excited the Orlesians.

Everyone was eager to pay their respects to the Iron Bull and the daughter of the late Inquisitor, even though Lady Alana Trevelyan loathed playing nice with them. While Madame Vivienne was absent, everyone made note that her personal maid was attending to Mae. The attendance of Ser Cullen Rutherford and his only son, fourteen year old Daniel Rutherford, caused many ladies, and several men, to fan themselves and gather around to flatter the father and son pair, much to Cullen’s dismay. 

And most favorably of all, a courier from Divine Victoria came to hand deliver a personal note to Mae, along with a gift of beautiful idol of Andraste carved from dawnstone. This was done in the middle of the party, in front of all of the guests, so that they may see that the Divine favored the young lady and her father. There was also an open invitation to the Iron Bull and Alana to dine with the Divine, though that was to be expected.

Those who were uneasy about being connected to a Tevinter family and to a lowborn woman now found it a highly desirable match for their children who would not inherit family estates and fortunes. More than one parent approached Dorian to setup a time for Mae to become more intimately acquainted with their sons. Those who were smart enough brought their sons to the party and tried to leverage the friendship between their daughters and Mae to their advantage. The rumors of Mae’s dowry and future inheritance was draw enough for many, but her connections cemented her desirability as a prospective daughter-in-law.

Thankfully for Dorian, he had the excuse that Mae would soon be leaving with Ser Rutherford to spend the summer with his family at their home in Orlais and deferred the invitations. It also helped that the Iron Bull stood next to Dorian, narrowing his eye and growling at pushy parents eager to make a good alliance for their sons.

But there was at least one guest of Dorian’s who was not completely satisfied by the party.

“Maker’s breath, Dorian, I thought this was supposed to be a simple children’s birthday party!” Cullen griped after he managed to excuse himself from his latest admirer. “I’ve had three propositions to carry out an affair, more than one person has pinched my bottom, and I’ve received countless requests for marriage interviews for my children!”

“You are happily married an Orlesian noblewoman, my dear Commander, certainly you should be used to this by now,” Dorian grinned as he poured Cullen a healthy glass of wine.

“I married the only Orlesian noblewoman with any sense and we live in Ferelden most of the year. Perhaps if I stand by Bull like you, no one will bother me,” Cullen hoped as he accepted the glass from Dorian and took a very long drink from it.

Lady Aimee Rutherford, formerly Lady Aimee Maron, first spotted Cullen at the Winter Palace when the Inquisitor made her first appearance there. The young lady possessed a superior intellect to her social peers, because, despite being far from shy, she didn’t dare approach Cullen to flirt him after seeing his dour expression at the ball. She would later declare that she had never seen a more miserable creature at the Winter Palace than Commander Cullen Stanton Rutherford, and she included Duchess Florianne and Duke Gaspard in that assessment. 

Aimee found a second opportunity to speak with Cullen at the Exalted Council two years later, where she accompanied her father to the talks. There she recommended herself to Cullen through virtue of becoming enamored by the dog he found and the dog responded in kind. It was her distaste for the Game, her kindly disposition, and her fierce aptitude for chess that all but sealed Cullen’s good opinion of her.

“Ser Rutherford,” an Orlesian noblewoman in a green painted mask approached Cullen, “I wish to introduce myself to you, I am Lady Helene Maron, your wife, Lady Rutherford, and I are third cousins. I must insist on introducing you and your son to my daughter, as we are family! She has just finished dancing with Lady Pavus.”

Cullen could barely suppress his groan and was dragged away, his eyes pleading Dorian and Bull for help, but both let the former commander go off to his fate.

“I always forget how pushy Orlesian nobility are.” Bull shook his head at poor Cullen, before shifting his attention to watch the kids dance in the garden to the music of a string quartet and kept his eye on his own child. 

Alana sat to the side and refused to participate in the dancing, her patience for the nobles and their children was quickly wearing thin. She stayed because she loved Mae, but her scowl indicated what she truly thought of it all. Dorian offered to have clothing made for her for the party, but unsurprisingly Alana refused and simply wore whatever pants and tunic she thought were best from her bag. At the very least, she consented to having her clothes laundered and ironed and managed to wipe off most of the dirt from her boots. She did find herself inclined to wear her mother’s dragon tooth necklace, which Dorian was pleased to see as he knew she only wore it on rare occasions.

Despite her efforts though, Alana was still a striking young woman and her status drew in unwanted attention, which she bore to the best of her abilities for Mae’s sake. Though Dorian did spy her hand wandering down to her belt, where he was sure she was hiding a knife or two.

“You’ve spent too much time amongst Free Marchers, their scheming is rather quaint. Still, I must say that I’m rather refreshed that I can have a birthday party for Mae and not worry too much about assassins,” Dorian sipped on his wine, still on his first glass and if he was really good, it would be his only.

“Don’t relax too much, big guy. Alana looks ready to stab someone and that nobleman over there wants to sleep with you.”

Over by the spread of petit fours, a nobleman was looking at Dorian, his eyes visible through the holes in his mask were appraising and a pleased smile was dancing on his lips. Dorian couldn’t the upper half of the man’s face, but he had a strong jawline, a fine looking mouth, and pleasing body.

“You don’t want to sleep with him,” Bull said offhandedly.

“I don’t?”

“Nah, he looks like a jerk. Anyway, you should be more worried that Mae is on her third dance with Cullen’s boy, that’s more times than she’s danced with any other boy.”

Dorian looked over at the dancing teenagers and saw his daughter laughing sweetly as Daniel dipped her. “That is hardly surprising, since she barely knows any of the other boys here. You know, you would have been a most valuable asset at all the balls I attended in Tevinter. You may have saved me a few assassination attempts and a single abduction by the Venatori.”

Bull snorted. “I would have stopped all the attempts on your life before you even noticed them and prevented both Venatori abductions.”

Dorian opened his mouth to quip something back, but the quartet started up another song, a lively waltz that Dorian immediately recognized. He remembered hearing it at the Winter Palace as he leaned against the railing and watched the couples down on the dance floor, his eyes fixed wistfully on a pair of men dancing together. Evelyn had saved the day, the Empress was alive, her elven lover was elevated to the court, and Dorian finally allowed himself to get drunk off of the spicy punch.

Iron Bull came to stand next to Dorian, causing Dorian to ask, “Shouldn’t you be dancing with Evelyn?” His eyes didn’t leave the couple below him.

Bull shrugged, the motion made the red velvet across his chest stretch painfully. “I got one dance in, and then she wanted to sit down and fell asleep right away. Josephine is making sure she gets to bed.” He followed Dorian’s gaze and gently elbowed him. “Hey, wanna go take a turn? Give these nobles something to be scandalized over?”

Even from up above, Dorian could spy the coy smiles between the couple from beneath their masks, the pair of men had been fighting all night, but seemed to have made up. Dorian knew all too well the look of a couple that despised each other, but he didn’t detect it between the two men he was busy watching.

His heart ached in the gentlest of ways.

“I will decline the honor for tonight,” Dorian had replied, feeling too vulnerable and knowing that dancing with the Iron Bull was dangerous in more than one way. “Perhaps another time.”

Bull’s shoulder pressed against his own and Dorian, in his drunken state, had become hyper aware of how close Bull was to him. He could even feel the low vibration of Bull’s chest as he said, “I’ll hold you to it, big guy.”

Just like in his memory, Iron Bull stood at Dorian’s side again, but this time he didn’t take no for answer as the quartet struck up the familiar song. He grabbed Dorian’s arm and tugged him along. “Come on, we’re going to dance.”

Objections crept up in Dorian, but he swallowed them down when he saw the happy look on Mae’s face and the amused one on Alana’s, her hand falling away from where it was reaching for something in her belt. He allowed Iron Bull to spin him around the garden, surprisingly graceful for a great hulking Qunari, and his guests whispered in excitement.

“Prevented Alana from stabbing that noble kid there and I stopped that nobleman from propositioning you,” Iron Bull murmured into Dorian’s ear. “And now Mae is on her fourth dance with Cullen’s boy, but there was no stopping that.”

While Dorian’s party for Mae was an overwhelming success, his dance with the Iron Bull, and consequently his first one in public with another man, became the most speculated dance of the summer.

-

The door to Dorian’s bedroom quietly opened and closed, and the familiar pitter patter of light footsteps came towards where he was lying in bed, only half asleep. The mattress dipped down and someone wiggled under the covers. Icy cold feet pressed against Dorian’s leg, a head settled on his shoulder, and soft hair tickled his cheek and neck.

“You have an early morning, love,” Dorian mumbled, cracking his eyes open.

“Come with me to Lake Celestine,” Mae whispered.

“Oh love,” Dorian wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back, “we talked about this already. I know it’ll be difficult at first, but you’ll have a wonderful time with your Uncle Cullen and his family and you’ll hardly notice I’m not there.”

Mae did not do well when she was separated from Dorian, not that Dorian was surprised by her apprehension at all. When she was four, Dorian was traveling near the Nevarran border when he was taken by the Venatori and nearly killed before he was recovered by Evelyn, Iron Bull, and the Chargers. Then when she was six, Dorian sent her away to Ferelden so he could join the fight against Solas and was grievously injured. And when she was nine, Dorian was abducted by the Venatori again when he was traveling alone with his retainers, that time Maevaris led the rescue and brought him back to his daughter in a sorry state. It was little wonder that being away from Dorian made Mae fearful that something would happen to him.

When Cullen’s wife invited Mae to spend the summer with the Rutherfords, Dorian eagerly accepted on his daughter’s behalf. Lady Rutherford’s family home was at Lake Celestine, where every year she managed to drag Cullen away from Ferelden long enough for him to relax a little. Dorian thought it would be a good opportunity for Mae to spend some time away from him in a less dire situation and he knew that Cullen and his wife would take good care of her. And Lake Celestine was far enough where Mae would not have easy access to Dorian, but close enough that he could quickly get there if he needed to.

The excitement of her birthday party and the anticipated pleasure of spending the summer with the Rutherfords rallied Mae’s spirits and she was determined to be brave. But the time between her party and her departure made her nervous and her joy wavered in the face of leaving her father behind.

“I don’t want anything to happen to you while I’m away,” Mae pressed her face into Dorian’s neck and her hand clutched onto the sleeve of his pajamas.

“Nothing will happen to me, my love.”

She just sniffled loudly.

“I’ll be ok, I promise you.”

The door creaked open again and Dorian peeked over Mae’s head, catching the sight Bull taking a look in. Dorian chuckled quietly, knowing that Bull must’ve woken up at the sound of Mae leaving her room. He remembered once how comfortably Bull fell asleep in their tent in the Hinterlands despite the chatter of the Inquisition soldiers and the roar of the nearby waterfall. But the moment Dorian got up in the middle of the night to relieve himself, Bull snapped awake, his hand reached for the dagger under his pillow and he moved his body between Dorian’s bedroll and the tent flap. It took a few seconds for Bull to realize what was going on and muttered an apology before going back to sleep.

“Everything is fine, Bull,” Dorian said softly as he continued to soothe his daughter.

Bull nodded in acknowledgement and closed the door behind him.

In the morning, the Rutherfords arrived at the house early enough that Bull had to receive them as Dorian was barely awake and not even dressed. Bull had the good sense to order a hearty breakfast for the travelers before they arrived and he kept Dorian’s cup of coffee full during breakfast to rouse him into consciousness. 

After their meal, Dorian directed the servants to take Mae’s trunk to the carriage he was lending to Cullen. Cullen came to Orlais to meet with Cassandra in the Hunterhorn Mountains, taking his son with him, and they came back through Val Royeaux to attend Mae’s party and to escort her to Lake Celestine with them. But the ridiculous man did not think to bring a carriage to transport Mae and sheepishly had to ask Dorian to lend out his own. 

As Dorian followed the servants out of the house, he caught the sight of Bull and Mae in the foyer. Bull was listening attentively to Mae and Mae’s face was tilted up to look at her uncle with a serious expression as she spoke to him a low voice.

“The two of you together can only mean trouble,” Dorian said as he approached the pair. “Mae, I hope you are not hiring your uncle to take out the lady who criticized my choice of punch at the party. You shouldn’t waste your pocket money on such trivial things.”

Mae stepped away from Bull to give her father a frail smile. “Of course not, Papa. Uncle Bull was just confirming his plans to stay in Val Royeaux for the summer, I’m happy that you’ll have company while I’m gone.”

“Now you can rest easy, love, since your Uncle Bull will be here to keep me out of trouble in your stead.” He kissed his daughter’s forehead and started to usher her outside. “Let’s not keep Cullen and Daniel waiting.”

Mae grasped Dorian’s hand in a tight grip and watery tears brightened her eyes, though she refused to let them fall. She gave Dorian a long hug before she finally stepped away to enter the carriage where Daniel was waiting for her. Daniel, a boy who was essentially a smaller version of Cullen, though better dressed and less scars, stood right outside the carriage like a gentleman to take her hand from Dorian to help her in. He climbed inside after her and promptly handed her a handkerchief from his coat pocket.

“I will depend on you, young Ser Rutherford, to keep my daughter out of trouble,” Dorian addressed Cullen’s son.

“I will defend Mae with my life if need be, Uncle Dorian,” Daniel answered with a seriousness that came directly from his father.

“I am sure it will not come to that,” Cullen said from his horse, a weary smile tugged on the scar on his mouth. “We’ll take good care of her, Dorian.”

“I know you will, Cullen. Now, enjoy yourself, my love,” Dorian reached up and grasped his daughter’s hands, kissing her cheeks as she leaned out of the carriage. “Everything will be as it was when you return home, remember that.”

“I will write to you every week, Papa,” Mae promised and her voice shook just the slightest bit. “Promise to write me back and send me an express if anything happens. Divine Victoria once promised me access to her ravens if I ever needed them, I am sure she would allow the same for you, Papa.”

“I will write to you and if such a dire situation calls for it, I promise to use the Divine’s ravens,” he vowed teasingly.

Bull patted Dorian’s shoulder and reassured Mae, “Don’t worry about him, I’ll be here to protect your dad.”

“Do make sure my father eats regularly, Uncle Bull,” Mae asserted, “and do not let him fall into the habit of taking his meals in the library. Do remind him to take walks when he can and to keep his appointment to spar at the College of Enchanters, he needs the exercise. And tell him to use his glasses when he reads, Papa is very vain about it, but he is only making his eyes worse.”

“Maker, Mae! I am not a child!” Dorian admonished his daughter, but Bull absorbed everything she said and nodded with great solemnity.

“Mae!” Alana rode up to the carriage on Dorian’s bog unicorn, Princess. 

Dorian blinked at the sight of both his beloved mount, who after twenty years was still going strong, and Alana, who he thought was still sleeping the morning away. 

“Do you have your sending crystal?” Alana asked.

“Yes, of course!” Mae answered, immediately perking up at the sight of the older girl.

“I’ll lend mine to your father.” She opened up a pouch on her belt and took out her mother’s sending crystal, handing it to Dorian.

“Thank you, Alana! Thank you so much! Papa, I will call you every night. I’ll let you know when we break for lunch today and I will call you right away if anything of note happens.”

Dorian suppressed a sigh, but the tension that was building in his chest unwound at the familiar weight of the sending crystal in his hand. Bull grunted at the bog unicorn and asked, “You ask your uncle to borrow that creepy thing he calls a horse?”

“Aw, she needs to stretch her legs! I’ll see them out of the city and come right back,” Alana promised and rode off ahead of the carriage without ever really answering her father.

Mae kept waving from the carriage until it disappeared out of sight and Dorian stood outside of the house for several minutes afterward, missing his daughter already, but also happy to see her off to find new amusements at Lake Celestine.

“She’ll be fine,” Bull wrapped his arm around Dorian’s shoulders. “I bet she’s putting on a show for Cullen’s boy. Hey, are you crying?”

“I’m not doing any such thing!” Dorian scrambled to wipe at his eyes.

“Ah, don’t do that, you’re smudging up your makeup.” Taking out a clean linen handkerchief from his pants pocket, Bull held Dorian’s chin, keeping his face still like he was a squirming child as he cleared away the smeared kohl. “It’s ok to miss your daughter,” Bull told Dorian patiently with a little grin.

“I know that,” Dorian snapped peevishly, but Bull kept smiling gently at him and his thumb brushed away a lingering tear at the corner of Dorian’s eye.

Bull’s palm cupped Dorian’s jaw, his fingers rubbing against Dorian’s beard. “Don’t worry, Mae will be fine and I’ll be here to make sure you’re ok too.”


	5. Hasty Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian has too much time to think.

_Whenever Dorian opened his eyes, he always regretted it instantly. The constant dull throb of pain encompassed his entire body, the jostle of the wagon that carried him aggravated his injuries even more and the elfroot potions that the healer kept pouring down his throat kept him dizzy and disconnected. He couldn’t quite understand what was going on, where they were going, or why he could hear so many angry voices that were never too far away._

_Beyond the pain, Dorian was barely aware enough to notice when the Iron Bull bathed his fevered forehead and stroked his hair. He could hardly make out Maevaris’s soothing words, urging him to live. He couldn’t feel the lob of spit that landed on his cheek when one of Evelyn’s agents expressed displeasure at seeing him alive. Though he was always vividly aware of when the healer peeled back his bandages to check on his festering wounds, but it always took him awhile to realize that the howls of agony were his own._

_Sometimes he saw Cole when his eyes were open, the young man rattling off about twisted pain and guilt, telling Dorian he wouldn’t give him a dagger because they were friends. Cole’s words were always clear in Dorian’s ears, but when Dorian asked for him once, Bull had no idea what he was talking about and only looked worried._

_Things didn’t get much better when Dorian closed his eyes. His dreams were troubled, they were always a mixture of old wounds and current horrors, clawing at him and tearing his psyche to shreds._

_Sometimes, in his dreams, Dorian would lie naked in a pool of his own blood, oozing out from his chest and stomach, and in the background he could hear the low murmur of chanting of an ancient ritual and magic hung thick in the air. The sudden cry of his daughter cutting through the chanting roused Dorian into action as he tried to drag himself in the direction of where he heard Mae. But every time he made progress, every time he thought he was close to his daughter, his father grabbed Dorian by his hair and dragged him back towards the ritual._

_Other times he watched as Tevinter burned and witnessed the destruction of everything he knew and loved. Dorian would run down the halls of his family estate, his daughter’s name tearing from his throat as he tried to find her. Each room revealed someone else mutilated and dead, the Iron Bull, Varric, Felix, Sera, Alexius, his mother, Vivienne, room after room after room. But Dorian could never find Mae, he couldn’t even hear her._

_Most frequently, he saw Evelyn die in horrific ways, often being mauled by dark wolves. The sky was always torn open, the Breach reaching everywhere like Dorian had seen in the dark future, and the world was burning with righteous fire. Dorian was never able to save Evelyn and he was always drenched in her blood. In every one of those dreams, there was the large shadow of a wolf, slinking regretfully in the corners of Dorian’s mind._

_After one such dream, Dorian was greeted by the sight of the canvas covering of the wagon and his constant companion of pain. To his right was Maevaris, his appointed guardian for the hour, who was sitting in the wagon and slumped against a wooden crate._

_“Fuck, Trevelyan,” Maevaris murmured, the heels of her hands were pressed against her eyes, the kohl that should have rimmed her eyes was in dark streaks down her cheeks. “Maker, did I make the right decision?”_

_Licking his overly dry lips and trying to bring some moisture to his parched and aching throat, Dorian managed to say, “Maevaris.”_

_Her head snapped up and her face flushed at seeing Dorian stare at her. Maevaris grabbed his hand, her voice shaking as she rushed, “Oh my dear boy, ignore me, just ignore me.”_

_Dorian closed his eyes again and drew in a shallow breath. “You didn’t.”_

_Maevaris withdrew a bit. “What?”_

_“You didn’t make the right decision.”_

-

Dorian found Alana practicing with a fencing foil in the garden, moving gracefully through different stances, lunges, and attacks. Evelyn hated fencing, Dorian recalled, she would complain that all she needed was a greatsword and she could end any duel. Even after she lost her arm, she trained with a one handed sword and a modified crossbow that Bianca made for her, but she never picked up a foil. Alana loved it, Dorian could see that much as he sat on the porch and watched her practice, though Alana loved most things that involved hitting or stabbing something.

He was actually a bit surprised to see Alana around. In the couple of weeks since Mae left, Alana became more of a giant cat than a houseguest. She came and went as she pleased with no rhyme or reason to her schedule, other than she often appeared when there was food. Dorian sometimes found her napping all over the house, often where she could find a spot next to a window that let the sun in, such as Mae’s bed, the sofa in the parlor, in Dorian’s armchair in the library, and on the floor of the kitchen. He once found her down in the cool and dry wine cellar on a particularly hot day.

“You know, you could come down here and duel me instead of sitting there,” Alana suggested as she performed a particularly vicious lunge, stabbing at a poor and innocent hedge. “Mae says you need the exercise.”

“I don’t think you could stand up to my particular methods of dueling,” Dorian retorted, letting a bit of electricity dance between his fingers.

She let out an annoyed puff of a breath and glanced at the extra sword near her. “You know what I mean.”

“I only know the Tevinter style of fencing.”

“Good, then you can help me practice, because I want to be able to beat Mae when she comes back. She’s far too pleased with herself whenever she wins.”

Dorian leaned forward in his seat. “Will you be around for that long?”

Alana shrugged and tipped her head. “We’ll see. So, are you going to sit on your ass, Uncle Dorian, or are you going to pick up that sword?”

“So pushy,” Dorian grumbled, but he got up and took off the outer layer of his robes so he was only in a thin cotton tunic and trousers. He picked up the extra sword and stood across from Alana, easing into a familiar fencing stance. 

As child, Dorian learned the basics, but he quickly moved onto staff forms and dueling with his magic, which he excelled at. He only picked up the sword again when it became apparent that Mae would not become a mage and he felt that she needed to learn some fighting style, especially while they were living in Tevinter. Dorian sparred with her often as Mae threw herself into it with the same passion she threw herself into her other studies. Mae seemed to determine that if she could not be a mage, then she would excel at everything else.

Alana’s stance was less natural, she held herself too stiffly in the unfamiliar forms, but eased into as Dorian attacked, though she often slipped into Free Marcher styles. She cried foul whenever Dorian claimed a point for something that was against Free Marcher rules, but he insisted were legal within Tevinter rules. After a few such strikes, Alana looked at Dorian with suspicion and he could tell that she was a point or two away from outright accusing him of making things up as he went along. 

“Guard your left side, imekari, don’t use your Free Marcher tactics on him,” Bull called out as Dorian managed to get a strike in and Alana’s grip on her sword fumbled at her father’s sudden words. “Remember that vints don’t fight fair, they’ll change the rules on you in an instant.”

“I know, Dad,” she growled under her breath, but she became conscious of her left side where Dorian was landing most of his points.

“Get in close, your opponent is a mage and is uncomfortable in close quarter fighting. Put him on the defensive and press your advantage,” Bull advised, sitting on the porch steps and watching the duel with his keen eye.

“Did you want to fight him?” Alana snapped, but she moved in close and Dorian reacted predictably. He tried to move out of range and instinctively arched his sword up like he was about to slash with his staff blade, leaving himself open to another stab.

Being a fast learner and a skilled fighter for someone so young, Alana quickly adjusted to Dorian’s attacks. When he found an opening, she corrected herself and Dorian wasn’t able to use it to his advantage for a second time. And every time Bull barked out an order, Alana would grimace and curse under her breath, but she always did as Bull instructed, much to Dorian’s chagrin and he was soon on the defensive.

“Will you shut up, Bull?! Your daughter is going to run me through!” Dorian gritted out as Bull told Alana to lunge and she nearly stabbed Dorian. He took a couple large steps backwards and held his sword out to Bull. “I am rather tired of being your daughter’s training dummy. You entertain her, I’m going to take a bath.”

“But you take a beating so well,” Bull teased.

“If you do not take this sword,” Dorian jabbed the weapon towards Bull, “I will set your hideous pants on fire.”

“Alright, alright, don’t get your smalls in a twist.”

Bull took the offered weapon and stepped towards Alana. Dorian didn’t stick around to watch them, instead he headed inside and upstairs to ask his housekeeper to draw him a bath in the private bathing room attached to his bedroom. Once the porcelain tub was filled and Dorian heated the water, he stripped off his sweaty clothes and sank into the tub, his muscles aching from their abuse. While he was used to sparring with Mae, Alana, who was a much more aggressive fighter, did not go easy on her aging Uncle Dorian.

The bay window of the bathing room overlooked the garden from the second floor and he could see Bull and Alana sparring. He could hear Bull still barking orders, Bull was always a bit of a harsh instructor, but he could also hear Alana’s laugh when she got a strike in and Bull’s cheerful praise. It was good to see them like that, their quarrelling set aside for their mutual love of hitting things. 

However, Dorian did notice that Alana was taking a more subdued approach to Bull, being careful not to provoke any fights during their stay in Val Royeaux. It certainly wasn’t for Dorian and Mae’s benefit, they had both seen Alana storm out of a room on more than one occasion when Bull pushed for her to study or to attend her lessons. Perhaps Alana was maturing and coming into her own, and eased by the fact that Bull wasn’t going to drag her back to Ostwick.

Dorian wondered if Evelyn had lived, if things would always be so easy between the Iron Bull and his daughter, if Evelyn would have fought as much with Alana as Bull did about her education or if Evelyn’s level headedness would have won out. He thought about how much happier Bull and Alana would be. And he questioned if Mae would have been better off if Evelyn had survived and had taken her in as he and Evelyn agreed upon long ago.

His hand drifted to his chest, touching the ugly mass of scars on his left side that traveled down to his stomach where Solas’s ice tore into him.

Knowing where his thoughts were going, Dorian quickly washed and got out of the tub, hastily wrapping himself in a dressing robe to hide his body from his own sight. Not feeling much like company, Dorian retreated to his room and found refuge in bed. Settling under the blankets, Dorian closed his eyes and let his tired body rest for a moment and to silence his mind.

When he opened his eyes again, it was to the sound of the door opening. Dorian lifted his head from his pillow as Bull stepped inside with a tray with leftover roasted druffalo, bread, and vegetables from lunch. Glancing at the clock on the wall, Dorian saw that he napped through dinner.

“You ok, Dorian?”

“Yes, I’m fine, I didn’t mean to sleep the day away.” Dorian peeled back the covers and sat up as Bull put the tray down on the nightstand. He consciously wrapped his robe closer to his torso, making sure it didn’t hang open. “Sparring with Alana is nothing like sparring with Mae, only one of them has a keen interest in keeping me alive.”

“Alana is worried that she was too hard on you.”

“Only my pride was damaged, I assure you.”

Bull pulled one of the armchairs close to the bed and sat down, apparently not about to give Dorian any privacy. “Good to know. I’d be pretty crappy guest if I let my daughter beat you up at your own house.”

“You’d still be better guests than most that I received at my home in Tevinter.”

Bull chuckled. “It’s not hard to have better manners than a vint Magister looking to assassinate you.”

His eye flickered towards the tray of food and back to Dorian. Sighing, Dorian grabbed the piece of bread and started to eat.

“I sent your servants home early, Alana already left for the day and it didn’t look like you’d be getting up for dinner. I just threw together some leftovers for you, can’t let Mae down in just the first couple of weeks,” Bull explained while Dorian chewed on the soft Orlesian bread. “She has very specific instructions about caring for you.”

“Don’t I know it and here I thought I’d have a couple months of relief,” Dorian griped, despite the hollow ache in his heart at his daughter’s absence.

“You know,” Bull started, leaning back, “if you want Alana and I to get out of your hair, you just have to say the word.”

Dorian frowned, not knowing what Bull was getting at. “What makes you say that? You know I enjoy your company.”

“I know you don’t get much time away from Mae and you probably want to take advantage of that. Not that either of us would judge, though Alana would definitely blab to Mae about anyone coming and going.”

“What are you—? Oh!” Dorian could feel his cheeks flush unexpectedly as he understood Bull’s meaning. “Oh, no, there’s nothing like that going on. You needn’t worry about it.”

“Really?” Bull’s eye widened. “I know you weren’t really involved with anyone in Tevinter, but you’re in Orlais now, I thought you’d have lover.”

All the excuses Dorian had for himself dried up on his tongue. Letting out a long breath, Dorian felt his shoulders sag and he couldn’t even bring himself to give Bull a reassuring smile. “Kaffas, it’s been how long? I stopped seeking out partners in Tevinter once I realized how much the scandals hurt Mae, after too many of my partners tried to harm her, and that was years ago. Then ever since we came to Orlais ...” Dorian just shook his head.

“Hey, you’ve spent the last year moving to a new country and establishing a life for your daughter and for yourself. It just hasn’t been the right time for it, you know?”

“It never seems to be the right time for me, does it?” A sigh pushed out from between Dorian’s lips. “I hardly know where to begin anymore, the way things are done in Orlais are quite different than Tevinter. People are much more open about it all than I’ve ever experienced.”

“You weren’t so subtle about it when we were in the Inquisition. Cullen knew that you and Rylen were together.”

That pulled a weary laugh from Dorian. “That is only because he walked in on us while Rylen was visiting Skyhold, I will never forget the _shriek_ Cullen let out when he saw the things his friend was doing to me. But Rylen and I were never really together, we indulged in a quick affair on the side, something known, but never to be acknowledged in polite company.”

“Nobody says that you have to find something serious right away. Maybe you need something casual to start off with. We’ll go to a nice tavern and I’ll help you find someone to spend the night with,” Bull offered. Though Bull didn’t sound terribly enthusiastic as he usually did when he trying to find conquests for his friends nor did Dorian feel excited about the plan.

“A kind offer, but I think I’ll decline. I’m feeling a little too old for such fleeting affairs. I should just take Vivienne up on her offer and have her introduce me to some hapless second or third son of a noble family, trying to seek his fortune.”

Bull got up and sat next to Dorian on the bed, the heat radiating from his body seeped through the thin robe Dorian wore. His arm wrapped around Dorian’s shoulders and pulled him close. “Fuck, don’t give Vivienne the satisfaction, you know she’s just going to pick out an idiot for you. You can find someone that you actually care about on your own, I know it.”

Dorian leaned on Bull’s side, closing his eyes as Bull pressed his lips to Dorian’s temple. He didn’t give a reply to Bull’s statement, Dorian didn’t find a need to air out his doubts to his friend.

-

“Are you eating all of your meals? You’re not getting too distracted with your work, right?”

“I’m eating regularly, love.”

“And you’re not sleeping in your armchair, right? I know how it hurts your back.”

“No, I’m not, I sleep in my bed.”

“Are you using your reading glasses?”

“Yes, of course I am.”

“That’s not what Alana says.”

“Maker, Mae!” Dorian exclaimed, his exasperation leaking through. “You needn’t worry about me, my love.”

A soft sigh came through the crystal and Mae answered, “I’ll always worry about you, Papa, who else will take care of you when I’m away? Uncle Bull is doing his best, but he won’t be around forever.”

Dorian nearly flinched and his grip on the sending crystal tightened. “Mae, I’ll be fine this summer. Just focus on enjoying yourself while you’re away.”

Another little sigh reached his ears and Mae replied, “I just can’t wait to come home and see that you’re safe, Papa.”

“I can take care of myself, Mae,” Dorian said gently, guilt twisting in his stomach. “Now, tell me all about Lake Celestine, you’ve been there for three weeks and I’ve hardly heard a word about it from you. Are you getting along with Rosamond and Daniel?”

Mae paused, obviously not done with her interrogation over Dorian’s wellbeing, but then answered, “I am. We’re all having fun together and I do love them very much. Rosamond takes me shopping and we go to the theater and musical salons with her mother. Daniel and I go fishing with Uncle Cullen and we go riding every day in the evening. And my Aunt Aimee took us all to a ball at her sister’s estate just the other night.”

“You go fishing? How very Fereldan of you! Tell me about it.”

Dorian listened to his daughter’s tales about Lake Celestine until he glanced at the grandfather clock in the library that cheerfully ticked away the time. “It’s getting close to dinner time, my love, you’ll have to save the rest for later,” Dorian insisted.

“Ok, I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Papa. I love you.”

“I love you too, Mae.”

Setting aside the sending crystal on his desk, Dorian ran his hands over his face and tried not to seethe in frustration at his own shortcomings as a father. A teenager like Mae should have been delighted to spend the summer away from her parent, should have been excited by the freedom and new amusements, but instead all Dorian caused her was worry. Three weeks into her stay at Lake Celestine and Mae still called him every day to inquire about his health and safety, and to express her eagerness to be at his side again to take care of him.

Dorian knew he did nothing to ease her worries as he didn’t care of himself as he should. When he was caught up in research or his work, he stopped for neither food nor rest. A history of endangering his life left Mae with concerns that a child should never have about her own parents. He never had a significant relationship to give Mae any confidence that he wouldn’t end up alone after she was grown up and ready to start her own family. And he was admittedly vain about wearing his blighted reading glasses, which was making his eye sight worse as Mae feared.

Mae’s dependence on him was strongly linked to her isolation back in Tevinter, but now in Orlais, Mae was far from isolated from society and was thriving in it. Still, Dorian knew that her worries and her attachment to him held her back and so far he had done little to remedy it beyond urging her to go to Lake Celestine. It was a problem that Dorian should have addressed long ago, but his own fears, loneliness, and acceptance of his situation in life prevented him from taking action. Mae’s dependence on him would not diminish until he demonstrated that he could function independently without her constant companionship.

Pressing his lips together in determination, Dorian knew what he needed to do for his daughter. Snatching a piece of paper and his pen from his desk, he wrote a quick missive to Vivienne and gave it to his housekeeper to send out immediately before he completely lost his nerve.


	6. Rather Sudden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iron Bull wins an argument.

_“I’ve sent for the girls,” Bull told Dorian a couple weeks after they arrived at the Seekers’ fortress. Cassandra gave up her own room so Dorian could recover in private and Bull had yet to leave Dorian’s side. “I told Krem what happened and I spoke to Alana ... Krem and the Chargers are bringing the girls here, they should be with us.”_

_Dorian swallowed. “Won’t they be safer with Cullen in Ferelden?”_

_Bull closed his eye. “They should be with us now. Just in case.”_

_No one told Dorian how much Solas’s plans had progressed since Evelyn’s death, but even as he was laid up wounded, he could feel the hopelessness and despair. It was strikingly similar to the mood after Haven was attacked and destroyed, as the refugees and Inquisition forces marched through the snow towards an uncertain future._

_An invisible weight crushed Dorian’s chest and he managed a nod. “Ok.”_

_He looked at Bull, really looked at Bull with clarity and saw a man tired and in mourning. There was a heaviness to Bull’s slouch as he sat in the chair next to Dorian’s bed, a deep bruise colored circle hung under his eye, and his mouth seemed to be curved down into a permanent frown. Dorian felt responsible for Bull’s grief and he knew that many others agreed with that feeling._

_The woman’s words, the one who was with Dorian when he first woke up, echoed in Dorian’s head and her blame bounced around in his mind until he made it his own. He took Maevaris out of the fight, the one person who might have saved Evelyn. If he hadn’t raised his barrier, the Iron Bull might have just been mourning a friend and not his wife, the mother of his child. And Dorian couldn’t even imagine what Alana was going through, knowing that her mother was dead and being away from the only person who might bring her comfort._

_His hand gripped the blankets under it and he tried to drown out the insidious whispers in his brain._

_“Bull, do you have Evelyn’s sending crystal on you? May I use it?” Dorian asked, a small edge of desperation colored his request._

_“Oh, yeah. Just a sec. Sorry, I should have figured you’d want it.” Bull fumbled around with his pack lying on the floor and dug out, handing it to Dorian. He settled back into his seat, apparently not ready to leave Dorian alone._

_“Mae?” Dorian said into the crystal. “Mae?”_

_He kept repeating her name and fear rose up in him the longer his call went unanswered. Then finally, a small voice replied._

_“Papa?”_

_“It’s me, love.” A wave of fresh tears overcame Dorian and he struggled to keep it out of his voice._

_“Papa! Papa, are you ok? Uncle Krem told me that Aunt Evelyn is gone and you were hurt and that’s why you couldn’t talk to me. Oh Papa, I cried and Alana cried, she never cries. Papa, Uncle Krem is taking me to see you. You’ll be there when we get there, right?”_

_“Of course I’ll be here waiting for you.”_

_“Are you in pain? Is it very bad?”_

_“No, love, there’s no pain, I’m ok,” he lied. “Just … Will you tell me about Ferelden? Tell me about your Uncle Cullen’s family? I would very much like to hear it.”_

_Dorian clutched onto the crystal with one hand as Mae did as he asked, her words wavered, struggling through her own grief and worries as she described the wild beauty of Ferelden and all the time she spent playing with Cullen’s boy, Daniel. She told him how Alana taught her how to swim and how Lady Rutherford tucked her into bed at night. She talked about how Cullen’s daughter, Rosamond, had a tea party with her and how Cullen taught her to play chess. As she spoke, Dorian bit his lip to keep from crying aloud, though there was nothing he could about the steady stream of tears that poured down his cheeks._

_Bull took Dorian’s hand and held it the entire time._

-

Dorian Pavus aged well enough to ease his own vanity and apprehensions about getting older, but at the age of fifty, Dorian knew he was no longer the stunningly handsome man he once was. He looked better than a man his age should, but he held no illusions about his appearance. His hair was greying, he had more deepening lines on his face than he cared to admit, and he was more on the thin side rather than fit and toned these days. At this point of his life though, Dorian knew that what he had to offer in a relationship was less physical and more material. He was a rich man, well connected, and could provide a very comfortable life to a young man whose family fortune was waning or going to an older brother or sister.

The swift and rather pleased response that he received from Vivienne almost made Dorian pause and nearly made him retract his request. Anything that brought Vivienne such joy should always give Dorian pause. But Mae’s fears and his growing dread of spending his days alone once Mae was grown up overruled his hesitation and he kept his appointment with Vivienne and the family she quickly chose for him to interview with. The speed at which she made the arrangements made him wonder how long Vivienne was contemplating Dorian’s nuptials.

Vivienne was kind enough send him a note that morning to remind him to check his feelings and urged Dorian to look at the process in an objective manner. Love was not a part of this interview, only the mutual comfort and benefit of both parties.

Looking at himself in the floor length mirror in his room, Dorian took in the sight of the dignified gentleman in the reflection. His robes were made of silk and supple leather, and dyed in a rich dark red color and trimmed in gold satin, and he wore black trousers that flattered the shape of his legs with tall dark boots. His makeup was done up tastefully, a thin line of kohl around his eyes and a little gloss to bring a shine to his lips. His beard was trimmed, and his hair and mustache were tamed with his long tried and true products, his favorite wax to curl his mustache and a hair cream to take the wave out of his mostly dark hair.

Taking in a deep breath, Dorian tried to make himself relax and to ease the knot of anxiety that was tangled in his chest.

The sudden, heavy knock on the door startled Dorian and he tensed realizing who was at his door. “Come in, Bull,” Dorian bid.

The Iron Bull stepped inside, a smirk twitched on his lips as his eye moved up and down Dorian’s body. “You’re all fancy today,” Bull noted and sniffed the air, undoubtedly catching the scent of Dorian’s perfume. “That’s jasmine, right?”

“Very observant. Was there something you needed?”

“Alana told me you warned her that Vivienne was coming for dinner before she ran off, but from the way you’re dressed …” Bull narrowed his eye.

“I will be dining with Vivienne,” Dorian confirmed, “along with Lord Abernache and his son. It will be a private affair, I’m afraid, as I have something of a personal nature to discuss with my guests. You needn’t leave the house, I’ll have the maid bring you dinner out in the gardens or in the library.”

“What’s going on, big guy?” Bull frowned.

Sighing silently, Dorian answered, “I have asked Vivienne to arrange a marriage interview.”

Bull looked confused. “For Mae?”

“For myself.”

“What?!” The word was sharp and surprised, Bull seemed to withdraw for a moment, but then stepped into Dorian’s space and towered over him. “I thought you weren’t interested in that.”

Dorian straightened his posture, though he was still dwarfed by the Iron Bull’s height. “I have taken this into careful consideration and I believe it would be in my best interests to explore my options.”

“To marry someone you don’t even know, let alone care about? Isn’t that what you rebelled against? Isn't that exactly what your parents tried to do to you? You know, the thing that your father was willing to resort to blood magic over?” Bull had the gall to bring up Dorian’s father and it made Dorian bristle.

“Maker’s breath, Bull, this is completely different,” Dorian snapped. Dorian knew that Bull would be surprised about his decision, but he was thrown off guard by Bull’s reaction. “No one is forcing me to marry a woman so I can breed the next generation of the Pavus family. I am merely looking into my options for my future.”

“You mean by planning on marrying some Orlesian nobleman looking for his next meal ticket.”

Dorian clenched his hands, his fingernails digging into his palms. “I mean by holding a few interviews to see what my prospects are. At my age I cannot be blind to what I can offer a prospective partner, which is connections, money, and a comfortable living. Vivienne can help me leverage that to find a respectable, kind man to spend my days with.”

“You’ve got way more to offer than cash and who you know. You’re smart, funny, a talented mage, and a good person, you deserve more than someone who doesn’t want to have to work or take vows.”

“I’m looking into marriage, Bull, not searching for my soulmate.”

“Do you even hear yourself, Dorian?”

He clenched his hands harder. “I do and I am being perfectly reasonable.”

“By asking Vivienne to get you hitched to someone you get to meet a couple of times? Fuck, this is about what Vivienne said to you, isn’t it? Is this what you think Mae wants for you? You have to know that this will crush her.”

“What would you know of any of this? Why do you even care?” Dorian’s words were unfair and unkind, but he couldn’t help himself.

Bull didn’t seem fazed and said softly, “I know you. I know this isn’t what you want or what you deserve, you deserve to be happy and to be loved.”

The well-meaning meddling struck a nerve in Dorian, an old annoyance that Dorian once harbored when Evelyn used to talk to him in similar way. A few summers before Evelyn was killed, Dorian and Mae traveled to Ostwick to visit Evelyn and her family. Evelyn and Dorian celebrated the occasion as they always did, by getting drunk together and catching up with each other in her room.

At the time Dorian was stuck in a wretched mood, his brief affair with Rilienus recently came to an end for the sake of both of their families, even though they both had strong feelings for each other. Evelyn was sympathetic and launched into her platitudes that Dorian would find love one day and that he would find the right person. He felt numb as she spoke, Evelyn’s once inspiring speeches rang hollow in his ears, and a terrible, unfair bitterness curled in his gut.

The Herald of Andraste got her happy ending, she had a husband and a family and they were celebrated wherever they went. In the meantime, Dorian was reviled by his peers in Tevinter for his efforts towards reform, his mother refused to acknowledge Mae as her grandchild, and he had no hopes of living openly with a partner that he loved and cared for, let alone finding one. He regretted those feelings immediately and that regret only intensified after Evelyn’s death, but Dorian didn’t believe her comforting words that evening nor did he believe her ever again when the topic was brought up.

And now, to have the Iron Bull chastise him for his choices, for facing his reality head on, hurt deeply and something in Dorian broke.

“For Andraste’s sake, Bull! Not everyone gets to fall in love! Not everyone gets to have what you had with Evelyn!” Dorian snarled, unable to hold it back any longer. 

Bull actually flinched at Dorian’s sudden anger. It was only a slight movement, but a rare thing for the old Ben-Hassrath spy. Other than his small wince, Bull didn’t react to the outburst and stood silently as Dorian launched into his rant.

“I’m fifty years old and I’ve never been with anyone for longer than a couple months and those could hardly be described as relationships. The closest thing I’ve ever had to a relationship, to love, was with a married man, who has three children, and we were only together for two months. There is no great love for me,” Dorian spat bitterly, “so please pardon me for not living up to your ideals, for being realistic, and for settling so my daughter doesn’t have be afraid that I will die alone!”

Dorian’s cheeks were overly warm, his eyes were damp, and a deep sense of horror filled him at the sight of Bull’s hard, unmoving face.

“I’m so sorry, Bull,” Dorian started, his whole body felt shaky, “that was unworthy of me, I—”

The Iron Bull was always deceptively fast, even in his advanced age, so Dorian could barely comprehend what was happening when Bull’s large hands framed his face, his blunt nails scraping against Dorian’s scalp, and his mouth covered Dorian’s. For a brief, silly moment, Dorian thought Bull was merely trying to silence him, trying to quiet his ranting, but a hot tongue carefully brushed his lips as if politely seeking entrance. 

Without thinking, Dorian parted his mouth and all politeness in the kiss was gone. His mind was blank as Bull invaded his mouth and the only thing that Dorian was really aware of was Bull’s teasing tongue, his lips pressed tightly upon Dorian’s mouth, and his nipping teeth. Dorian felt like he was being devoured and all he could do was to cling onto Bull as he sank deeper and deeper into the kiss.

Finally Bull pulled away, letting Dorian take a breath, and growled, “Tell me now. Tell me now if you don’t want this.”

“Don’t stop, you great brute.” Dorian tried to come off as lofty, but he was too out of breath and his voice trembled too much.

Strong arms wrapped around Dorian’s waist and the world shifted for Dorian as Bull lifted him up, balancing his weight on one broad shoulder. It was a bit alarming to being suddenly picked up clear off of his feet and Dorian managed a short yelp of protest that turned into a winded chuckle as Bull carried him to the bed and put him down carefully on the mattress. 

Bull’s sheer size struck Dorian as he loomed over him, but he didn’t get much time to ponder over it, because Bull’s body was on top of him. His mouth latched back onto Dorian’s right away and his hands seemed to be everywhere, groping Dorian through layer of clothing. Fingers gripped Dorian’s hair, and then wide palms were traveling down Dorian’s sides, until finally hands pushed up his robes, letting the fabric pool around Dorian’s waist, and fingers hooked into the front of his pants.

Bull pulled away from Dorian a little and paused. Dorian just tilted his hips up towards Bull and that was all the Bull needed before tearing open the offending piece of clothing and tugging down Dorian’s silky smalls just enough to free his confined erection. Reaching up, Dorian fumbled with the front laces of Bull’s terrible striped pants and shoved them down so they were bunch around Bull’s thighs.

And then Bull was covering him again, his lips and tongue were hot against Dorian’s mouth and skin as Bull rutted against Dorian. His length was wet and hard, sliding easily alongside Dorian’s cock and Dorian was convinced that his whole world was about to come undone as soon as Bull’s large hand enclosed over both of their erections.

“Fuck,” Dorian hissed, tearing his mouth away from Bull and tipped his head back into the pillow beneath him. 

His hands clutched at Bull’s shoulders, his nails digging into grey skin as his hips rocked up in time with Bull’s strokes. Just the heat from Bull’s hand, Bull’s heavy grunts in his ear, and the feel of his large cock rubbing along his, was enough to quickly overwhelmed Dorian. It had been a long time since someone touched Dorian in that way, too long for Dorian to have any sort of endurance anymore.

“Oh fuck, Bull, it’s too much, I’m going to …”

“Come on, I want to see you come apart, come on,” Bull urged in a low growl, his breath coming in ragged draws.

Dorian didn’t need much more encouragement than that and his sank his teeth into Bull’s shoulder to smother the keel that tore from his mouth. The whole thing was over shortly and Dorian might have felt embarrassed if the Iron Bull had not come as quickly as he did. Dorian lay boneless on the bed, all too aware that he was still fully clothed with drying semen on his pants and undershirt, and his pounding heart slowed as his sweat cooled his exposed skin.

Bull sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, but instead of leaving, his hand cupped Dorian’s cheek and his thumb ran over swollen lips. “I’ll make it worth your while to cancel on Vivienne,” Bull offered, a playful smile on his face.

“Do you know what kind of ruin she will rain upon me for canceling?” Dorian teased back, tilting his face into Bull’s touch.

Bull bent down to kiss Dorian again and his mouth trailed down Dorian’s bearded jawline to his neck. “I’ll tell her you’re unwell,” Bull said upon sensitive skin, “and that I’m busy taking care of you. That you can’t be bothered today or tomorrow, because you’ll be confined to your bed with me attending to all of your needs.”

The idea had merit and a sucking bite on his collarbone made Dorian both agree and moan. “Very well, but I will place the blame solely on you if she retaliates against me.”

“Fair enough, since I’ll be the reason why you can’t get out of bed.” His hand gripped Dorian’s upper thigh and gave it a squeeze. “I’ll go have your housekeeper send a note to Vivienne,” Bull kissed Dorian lazily before getting up, checking the state of his own clothing before leaving the room.

Alone with his thoughts and his heart finally calmed, Dorian stared up at the ceiling and let reality sink in. This was certainly not a good idea, Dorian thought as he slowly peeled himself out of the bed and stripped off his soiled clothing. It could not end well as Dorian doubted his ability to keep his emotions out of the affair and he knew he wasn’t like Bull, who was taught under the Qun to separate feelings from sex. Dorian knew that this dalliance could potentially ruin his close friendship with Bull, which he relied heavily upon.

Wrapping a thin, clean dressing gown around his form, Dorian resigned himself to tell Iron Bull that it was a mistake and that they couldn’t let this happen again. 

All of that resolve was gone the moment Bull stepped back inside the room, looking at Dorian with a tenderness that Dorian could only ever recall receiving from Rilienus. He was a weak man and continued to be weak when Bull strode over to him and all but threw him back onto the bed. It was only when Bull’s hands took a hold of the flimsy dressing gown did Dorian grip at his wrists as if to stop him.

“Hey, I know,” Bull whispered. “I know, but you’re beautiful and I want to see you. You’re so fucking beautiful.”

Dorian swallowed and remembered others who said the similar things, but ended up recoiling and sneering with disgust. Time and too many battles left Dorian less than perfect, but the Iron Bull was no fawning beauty either nor a squeamish nobleman. He finally released Bull’s wrists and let him take the dressing gown off and Bull’s gaze was still warm and unflinching.

“So fucking beautiful,” Bull repeated.

-

“This is all rather sudden, don’t you think?” Dorian was sitting up in the bed naked, the scarred left side of his body turned away from Bull’s line of sight and his eyes were fixed on the open window next to the bed, a warm summer night breeze fluttering the curtains. A pleasant ache consumed muscles that Dorian hadn’t used in a long time, bites on his skin throbbed gently, and an overall sleepy and sated feeling washed over Dorian, despite his racing mind.

Bull was still lying down, his hand on Dorian’s back and his fingers traced invisible patterns along his spine. “Do you really think so?”

“I had planned to spend this evening suffering through a marriage interview, not to sleep with one of my closest friends.”

“Fair enough, but I like to think of this as more spontaneous than sudden.”

“Isn’t that the same thing?” Dorian glared at Bull and he could see from Bull’s grin that he was trying to rile Dorian up and was succeeding. “Kaffas, you’re insufferable.”

“That isn’t what you were saying earlier.” Bull grinned up at Dorian.

“Andraste help me,” Dorian sighed, finding that he needed help in more than one way.

For nearly as long as Dorian knew the Iron Bull, he was a man that Dorian was forbidden to think about for a variety of different reasons. The hostility and suspicion Dorian first felt when he met Bull prevented him from thinking of Bull as anything other than a potential threat to himself and possibly the Inquisition. But then their relationship eased into trust and friendship, teasing and bantering, and nights drinking with Sera and the Chargers. And there was the potential of something more. 

There was a fleeting flirtation in their relationship that made Dorian curious and left him wanting, a gentleness and suggestion to Bull’s teasing that left the door open to something else. Dorian was hesitant, not because he was proper by any stretch of the imagination, but because he feared that Bull could deliver on his promises. 

That kindling of desire within Dorian was quickly cut off as Bull and Evelyn started sleeping together after Evelyn’s fledgling relationship with the man they knew as Blackwall deteriorated before it ever really started. Once Evelyn and Bull were a couple, once it was apparent that there was more than just sex between them, Dorian refused to think of Bull in that way. He couldn’t allow himself to think about how he might have squandered his chances at happiness.

There was always that little nagging question in the back of Dorian’s mind as he watched Bull and Evelyn’s relationship progress from sex to love to a fully realized life together. The Iron Bull was the great “what if” in life that Dorian would never face. He loved Evelyn too much, she was a true friend on par with Felix, and to think of Bull as anything other than a friend seemed too great of a betrayal.

His feelings envy over Evelyn’s happy situation in life had already tainted him and he couldn’t add lusting over her husband to his sins. After she died, Dorian knew no one else could occupy Bull’s heart the way Evelyn did and in his own crushing grief and guilt, Dorian could never dare to approach Bull. Not that it could have ever worked out with Dorian in Tevinter and hopes for any sort of a relationship with anyone were long dashed.

Now to be sitting in the darkness of his room with Bull lying naked in his bed felt more surreal than anything else Dorian ever experienced and he once tumbled physically into the Fade. It also felt more comfortable than he expected after having sex with one of his closest friends, who happened to be the widower of the Herald of Andraste. 

“Hey, come here,” Bull tugged on Dorian’s waist and pulled him back down so he was lying on Bull’s chest.

Bull’s hands were wandering, rough and calloused palms exploring the expanse of Dorian’s skin and his fingertips traced the long faded scars on Dorian. Bull touched an old scar on the back of Dorian’s shoulder where an arrowhead went straight through during an assassination attempt. His nail scraped against a faint scar on Dorian’s right hip where a Terror’s claw grazed Dorian before Varric shot a bolt between its eyes. Bull traced along the almost invisible spider web marks on Dorian’s upper left arm from being struck by a Venatori’s lightning spell. His hand firmly and purposefully stroked Dorian’s left side, where his mess of scars faded into smooth skin.

Finally, Bull cupped Dorian’s chin, lifting up Dorian’s face to kiss him.

“I want this,” Bull said between kisses. “I want this with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally some Dorian/Iron Bull! Sorry for the wait :P


	7. Kept Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian takes a day of leisure.

_“Papa!”_

_Dorian woke up to Mae half sobbing and running to his bed, looking ready to jump on him like she did when she had a nightmare in the middle of the night._

_“Whoa! Wait, Mae!” Bull grabbed Mae and swung her up in his arms before she could throw herself on Dorian. “Your papa is still healing and he can’t handle you jumping on him. You can climb into the bed, but you have to be gentle.”_

_Mae nodded solemnly and let her uncle place her carefully on the bed on Dorian’s right side. She immediately curled herself up against his uninjured flank, her face buried in his shoulder. Dorian wrapped his arm around her and held her close to him._

_“See, I’m ok, love, just a little hurt,” Dorian whispered to her when he felt tears dampening his skin and her small body shook under his arm._

_The mattress dipped down at the foot of the bed and Dorian looked up to see Alana sitting there. She was unusually quiet, she looked paler than usual and her eyes were reddened, her gaze purposefully looking away from Dorian. His heart seized and for a minute he was certain she blamed him for her mother’s death, but then Alana scrambled up the bed, lying on the other side of Mae and gripped his hand._

_“I’m happy you’re ok, Uncle Dorian,” she murmured and pressed her face into Mae’s hair, hiding her own tears._

_An hour later found both girls asleep, Mae snuggled against her father and Alana was resting in Bull’s arms as he sat in the armchair he usually occupied next to Dorian’s bed. Dorian was honestly surprised that Bull remained at the Seekers’ fortress with him, even knowing that the girls were coming to join them. Shortly before Alana and Mae arrived, there was a flurry of activity and Evelyn’s agents were on the move again, the time for mourning and retreat was long over with. A new determination renewed Evelyn’s people and they were once again marching on Solas._

_Maevaris came by only a few days ago to say goodbye, her fingers combing through Dorian’s hair and she looked at him as if memorizing his face. It left Dorian wondering if he would ever see her again. Cassandra came to bid similar farewells, looking graver than she usually did and she spent several minutes speaking to Bull in hushed whispers outside of the room._

_Dorian thought that Bull would go with them, that he would not let the chance at revenge slip by him, because Dorian wanted it himself, but his condition was still serious and prevented him from doing so. But seeing Bull sitting there with Alana in his arms and idly rubbing one of the little horns growing in on her head, Dorian understood why he stayed behind. They would sit this one out, as Dorian’s encounter with Solas proved that they would most likely perish at his hands._

_Bull leaned over a little and his hand reached out to touch Dorian’s forehead, his eye widening at the feel of Dorian’s overly warm skin._

_“You’re feverish again,” Bull said worryingly. “You should’ve said something earlier.” He shifted in his seat to get up to fetch an elfroot potion and Alana made an unconscious noise of protest._

_“No,” Dorian shook his head feebly, causing Bull to pause. “I’ll be fine for a while. Let Alana have her rest, she needs it, she needs you.”_

_“You need me too,” Bull replied as he stood up and settled Alana in the chair so he could grab more medicine for Dorian._

_Dorian couldn’t take his eyes away from Alana’s small form, huddled alone in the chair._

-

The sun was barely up when Dorian woke up next to a large and overly warm body in his bed and it took him a long and groggy minute to remember that it was Bull sleeping in the bed with him. Dorian fought the urge to move, knowing that the Iron Bull would instantly awaken. He managed to remain still and listened to Bull’s deep, even breathing and watched his face twitch in sleep. Bull looked younger as he slept, the creased lines of thought and worry in his skin were relaxed, his scars were softened by the darkness of the room, and his soft mumbles were strangely endearing.

Dorian couldn’t count how many times he watched Bull sleep as he was recovering from Solas’s attack so many years ago. He found comfort in hearing Bull’s thundering snores and snorts, his occasional grumble, and seeing him resting for once as he slept in the chair next to Dorian’s bed. Even when Dorian was pained with hunger and thirst and was unable to get up himself, he refrained from waking up Bull, unless it was obvious that Bull’s dreams were less than pleasant.

Regardless of Dorian’s silence and stillness, it didn’t take long for Bull to wake up, his single eye blinking slowly and his mouth curling into a smile at the sight of Dorian.

“What a nice way to wake up,” Bull said, gathering Dorian into his arms and pulled him in close, his large hand stroking up and down his back.

“Nice? Just nice? I would imagine this is the best way for you to wake up.” However, Dorian was conscious of the fact that most of his makeup was smeared away, his hair must have been positively wild, and that he was suffering from morning breath.

“Nah, the best would be waking up to you riding or sucking me.”

“I suppose that’s something to take into consideration.”

Bull grinned and rolled his hips up into Dorian’s. “It’s something we could remedy right now.”

“Maker, you brute,” Dorian moaned, “don’t you think you’ve done enough to me already? I’m certain I’ll be limping for the rest of the day.”

“Then it’s a good thing that I said that you’d be confined to your bed today.” Bull rolled on top of Dorian, his erection pressing against Dorian’s thigh. 

“I could take care of that for you,” Dorian offered as he rubbed his leg along Bull’s cock and his hand reached down.

Bull quickly grabbed Dorian’s wrists and pinned them above his head. “I’ll take you up on that later. First, I want to watch you fall apart over and over again.”

“Well, if you insist,” Dorian replied weakly, unable to resist.

Ever since the early days of the Inquisition, Dorian had heard many servants, Chantry sisters, scouts, and soldiers whisper about their encounters with the Iron Bull, and then he heard about it in much more detail from Evelyn. Still, Dorian always convinced himself that much of it was embellishment. Bull was certainly as well-endowed as people talked about, which bathing together in streams and lakes while on the road had shown Dorian, but he figured that Bull probably was not as talented. Dorian was happily proven wrong.

He didn’t want to admit out loud to Bull that he was probably the best sexual partner Dorian ever had, it would do terrible things to Bull’s ego that Dorian was unsure that he could handle. Dorian could at least comfort himself with the fact that part of it was from the lack of fear of being caught and the luxury of time, not needing to rush through a quick tryst and part ways immediately. Even when he was with Rilienus and in the safety of his own home, their time together was tainted by the fear of discovery and its fallout. In the end, it was too much for either of them to bear.

With Bull, there was none of that and Dorian could enjoy himself almost completely, there was only a little irritating voice in the back of his mind reminding him this wasn’t a good idea. But when Bull touched him, kissed him, fucked him, Dorian was able to ignore that trickle of worry.

The other half of it was that Bull was a far more considerate lover than Dorian could have ever hoped for. Bull was bossy in bed, that was for sure, and was constantly telling Dorian where to put his hands manhandling him into different positions, using the belt of Dorian’s dressing gown to bind his wrists, and using his superior strength to pin Dorian down as he pleased. But he was single minded in his quest to give Dorian as much pleasure as possible, even to the point of ignoring his own obvious desires.

Even in between bouts of sex, Bull was affectionate and caring. He held Dorian close after he came down the high of his orgasm and cooed words of praise in Dorian’s ear. He rubbed soothing circles on Dorian’s back and pressed kisses along exposed skin as Dorian laid on top of Bull, too tired to move. Bull fetched meals and drinks for them from the kitchen and playfully handfed Dorian portions of his breakfast, lunch, and dinner, only grinning when Dorian snapped his teeth at his fingers. Then, once both of their strength was renewed, they went at it again.

However, the reality of it all was abruptly brought up as they were lying in bed that evening, Dorian’s head pillowed on Bull’s shoulder, their limbs tangled together and their bodies sticky after what was possibly the most satisfying marathon of sex that Dorian had ever experienced.

“What should we tell the girls?” Bull asked into the top of Dorian’s head.

“This is your idea of pillow talk?” Dorian retorted, their children were the last thing on his mind at the moment and he found himself reluctant to pull away from the pleasant haze of he was currently in. Other than briefly speaking to Mae before dinner, for once Dorian hadn’t thought much of his daughter, not when Bull kept him so thoroughly engaged.

“Not really,” Bull conceded, “but it’s something we need to think about.”

“I suppose you’re right, but perhaps we should keep this to ourselves for now,” Dorian answered and Bull just hummed into his hair, neither an endorsement of the idea nor a protest.

The thought that there was something to tell, frankly, left Dorian lightheaded. It was probably best to tell at least Alana about the affair, as she was busy going in and out of the house and was bound to walk in on them if they continued on in such a way. They lucked out that day as Alana did not come by the house, but that wouldn’t last for long. However, telling Alana could be complicated, Bull wasn’t celibate since Evelyn’s death, but he carried his liaisons with a discretion he hadn’t practiced before and never with anyone had Alana known. 

Telling Mae would probably just disappoint her in the end. Dorian imagined that she would be excited for him, especially considering what Vivienne told him about her concerns, but she would be devastated when the affair ended whenever Bull decided to leave Val Royeaux. If anything, it might increase her anxieties, which was the last thing Dorian wanted. There were also potential complications in telling Mae as she never met any of Dorian’s partners in the past, as brief as they lasted, and never had to deal with having to share Dorian’s attention.

“This doesn’t have to be a secret, we’re not in Tevinter,” Bull reminded Dorian.

Dorian fought the urge to roll his eyes at Bull. He knew that he wasn’t in Tevinter, that there would not be the sort of repercussions to him as there were back at home, but Dorian knew when discretion was needed and this was such a situation. He didn’t want to hurt either of the girls and tongues were bound to wag just from Bull staying with Dorian through the summer. He was sure Bull would not see reason, so instead Dorian played a more personal card to get Bull to see his way of thinking.

“During the entire course of my life, I have never openly admitted to being with anyone. Perhaps you should give me this,” Dorian recommended to Bull, causing the other man to laugh quietly.

“I guess you got me there. Ok, I’ll resist the urge to grab your ass in front of all of your servants and half of Val Royeaux.”

“Then you are a man of great resistance to temptation.”

“Not that great,” Bull corrected as he gave Dorian’s ass a firm squeeze and leaned in for another kiss.

“I don’t think I can take you again tonight. I’m afraid I can’t move my legs anymore,” Dorian griped.

“Then I’ve done my job,” Bull teased.

Bull then carefully pulled away from Dorian and got up out of the bed. Biting back a complaint that he was cold, Dorian watched Bull move towards the vanity, instead of picking up his clothing scattered on the floor to dress. Grabbing the pitcher of water off of the vanity, Bull poured it into the nearby washbasin and looked over at Dorian to ask him to heat the water. Dorian did as he was asked and continued to watch as Bull brought the basin over to the nightstand next to the bed, along with a soft cloth that Dorian used to wash his face with.

Dipping the cloth into the warmed water, Bull wrung it out and started to wipe away the dried semen and sweat on Dorian’s skin, moving up from his stomach to his chest. His strokes were firm enough not to excite Dorian again, but they were comforting.

“You don’t have to do that.” Dorian laid his hand over Bull’s wrist, stilling his movements.

“I want to, I like this part.” Bull brushed Dorian’s hand away and continued, moving the cloth down between Dorian’s thighs, careful to clean off oil, sweat, and seed there. “This is when I get to see you after I’ve wrecked you, I get to see you relaxed and sated. I need this part, to see that I gave you what you needed.”

“Oh? And what did I need?”

Bull kissed the freshly cleaned skin of Dorian’s stomach. “To let go of your control for a while. To be worshipped. To be fucked so hard that you couldn’t overthink everything.”

“Then I must say that you have accomplished all you set out to do.”

“Good.”

Bull reached over and grabbed a small tin from the nightstand that he brought over from his room at some point during the day. When he opened it, the smell of elfroot hit Dorian, and Bull dipped his fingers into the tin before pressing them against the rim of Dorian’s entrance. Dorian automatically tensed and a protest that he couldn’t go another round was on his lips, but he relaxed and let out a long breath as Bull gently massaged elfroot salve into his abused and tender hole.

“First thing tomorrow, I’ll draw you a hot bath and wash you from head to toe,” Bull promised as he withdrew his fingers from Dorian and wiped his hand on the cloth.

“Why do I feel like that will be counterproductive to getting me clean?”

“I never said it was for getting you clean.”

Dorian rolled his eyes. “Maker help me. Now, will you hurry up? I am getting cold.”

“Don’t worry, big guy, I’m almost done.” 

Bull cleaned himself off before massaging Dorian’s aching thighs and arms, and then kissed the marks on his wrists where Bull had pinned him down and rubbed the salve into bite marks on Dorian’s skin. Once the whole ritual was over with, Dorian found himself grabbing one of Bull’s horns and tugging him down for a kiss, wrapping his arms around Bull’s neck. He didn’t let go of Bull for the rest of the night. 

-

The bath in the morning that Bull promised didn’t do much to get Dorian clean, as he predicted. Instead, Dorian straddled Bull’s lap and facing him in the tub, the water sloshed out from the sides as he worked himself up and down on Bull’s cock. Dorian’s thighs were screaming in exhaustion, his ass was already aching when he woke up, and he had to rely heavily the upward roll of Bull’s hips and the leverage he could get from hanging onto Bull’s shoulders. He could easily tap out, he knew Bull wouldn’t mind, but it was too good, he didn’t want to stop.

Dorian worried a spot on Bull’s shoulder with his mouth to drown out his moans, self-conscious of the fact that his servants and housekeeper could probably hear them that moment and had heard them all the day before. But there was little to stop Dorian’s noises when Bull took hold of his straining erection in a warm and slippery grip.

“Bull, please, please, just a little more.” Dorian panted into grey skin, his legs were beginning to shaking as his body tensed.

All it took was just a swipe of Bull’s thumb over the sensitive head of Dorian’s cock and he was spilling over Bull’s hand and into the water. He slumped forward onto Bull’s chest, all of the strength in his limbs was gone and he was too blissed out to care about moving anymore. Dorian was hardly aware as Bull grabbed him by the hips and picked up the pace of his thrusts into Dorian’s still twitching hole, chasing his release.

“Fuck,” Bull murmured, his lips pressed up to Dorian’s temple as he shuddered through his orgasm. “Fuck, you feel so good.”

They finally got out of the tub by the time the water became lukewarm and Dorian honestly didn’t have the will to heat it up again. Dorian’s legs felt weak as he stepped out of the porcelain tub and it took a moment for him to regain his balance.

“Maker, I’m too old for this kind of nonsense,” Dorian complained.

“Not too old, but we do need to build up your stamina. Good thing for you that I’ll be here to help,” Bull patted Dorian’s butt, earning him a growl from Dorian. “Though next time maybe we won’t fill up the tub so much.”

A quick look of the room showed Dorian the mess they made and he could only imagine the exasperation his housekeeper and other servants would experience.

“Ella,” Dorian said, referring to his housekeeper, “has been with my family for over forty years and she did not leave after I freed her in Tevinter and she continued to serve me when we came to Val Royeaux, but this,” he gestured to the water on the marble floor and the soaked towels and clothing on the floor, “might just cause her to walk out the door.”

“Nah, she loves Mae too much. She just might never let Mae leave you alone with a strapping Tal-Vashoth mercenary again. Go back to bed and I’ll clean up the worst of it.”

“Back to bed?! I’m hoping you aren’t expecting a repeat performance of yesterday.”

Bull chuckled. “No, but I thought you might like a good cuddling. I could read to you from Varric’s latest book, it’s about a gruff warrior with a terrible secret and a charming ambassador from Antiva.”

“I can only wonder who he based those characters off of,” Dorian snorted. “It’s tempting, though I believe I should make an appearance in my own household to reassure everyone that I was not indeed fucked to death by a Qunari,” Dorian replied. “We’ll go down for breakfast and then I’ll dismiss the staff for the day.”

But the world was not inclined to let Dorian have another day of leisure as his housekeeper brought him a missive from Vivienne at breakfast informing him that she would come by in the afternoon for tea. She coolly expressed her concern over his health and her disappointment over his cancellation. Then, in not so subtle words, declared that if he refused her at his home, that she would have no choice but to inform Mae that he had taken ill when she saw Dorian’s daughter at Lake Celestine in the next few days. Vivienne was always exceptionally good at emotional blackmail.

Unable to escape the honor of the appointment, Dorian wrote a reply welcoming Vivienne over for tea.

“My word, Dorian, you are certainly looking rather tired. Perhaps I have called on you too soon after your brush with illness,” Vivienne stated, her sharp eyes examined Dorian’s appearance as they sat outside with Bull on the back porch for tea, enjoying the afternoon sun.

Dorian made sure his clothing covered any telling marks and bruises, and Bull was good enough not to leave any on his neck or any other obvious places. The faint marks left on his wrists from being pinned down and tied up were covered by well-placed bracelets. Bull on the other hand, wore no shirt and while the marks and bites Dorian peppered across him were fading, they were still visible. Dorian just hoped that Vivienne assumed that Bull was finding his pleasure in at the taverns with servers and waitresses as he was known to do.

“As you can see, Vivienne, I was no state to receive you and our honored guests the other night. I do apologize for the inconvenience and I hope I did not offend Lord Abernache and his son, but it was a sudden illness,” Dorian replied. “I don’t even have the energy to insist that I look anything short of perfection.”

“And here I thought you allowed your nerves to get the better of you and made poor Iron Bull lie to me about your condition,” Vivienne told him, managing to sound both sympathetic and accusing.

“Dorian really wasn’t up to having visitors, ma’am,” Bull confirmed with a straight face. “He couldn’t get out of bed yesterday.”

“I will take your word on it, Iron Bull. It’s such a pity as Lord Abernache was very eager to meet with you, Dorian, he views a marriage between you and his second son in a very favorable light, as do I. It would be a great shame if negotiations fell through because you were unable to make yourself available,” Vivienne said, laying on the guilt with a heavy, sophisticated hand. “Perhaps we should try to arrange another visit before I leave for Lake Celestine at the end of the week.”

“I don’t think Dorian will be up to it, ma’am,” Bull declined on Dorian’s behalf. “I imagine you’d want this lord to see Dorian at his best and I don’t think he will be by the end of this week.”

Vivienne’s intense stare settled on Bull, the corners of her mouth twitching ever so slightly, though Dorian couldn’t tell whether or not she was about to smile or frown. “You have certainly taken a keen interest in our dear Lord Dorian’s health, Iron Bull.”

“Mae left me in charge of his care while she is gone and it’s a task that I don’t take lightly, ma’am.”

“I suppose, given Mae’s strong attachment to Dorian, this is indeed a serious matter to take on. I will be glad to tell Mae that you are taking such good care of her father,” Vivienne replied and her gaze went back towards Dorian. “I will not keep you any longer as you certainly look unwell, my dear, do rest up. I expect that we will pick this back up after I have returned to Val Royeaux, Lord Abernache and his son are most eager to make your acquaintance.”

“Of course, Vivienne,” Dorian reassured her with actual sincerity. He did expect to resume looking for a husband after Bull eventually departed from Val Royeaux. Bull was a wonderful distraction, but Dorian did not expect him to stay in city permanently and he wouldn’t fix anything in the long term.

“Iron Bull, darling, see me out,” Vivienne commanded as she rose from her seat and Bull did as he was told.

Bull returned about five minutes later and Dorian had to ask, “Pray tell, how angry is Madame de Fer at me?”

“Not as mad as you’d expect, I think she’s just disappointed that she doesn’t get to butt into your life even more than she already has,” Bull replied, pouring Dorian a fresh cup of tea and urged him to eat another scone.

Dorian accepted the cup, enjoying the heat from the tea as it warmed his perpetually cold hands. “How lucky am I that Madame Vivienne, Court Enchanter, has the time to try to arrange both my daughter’s marriage and my own. Yay on me.”

“I think she gets a power trip out of it, she gets to toy directly in people’s lives. She’s going to be pissed when you won’t be able to keep any those interviews she sets up for you,” Bull smirked. 

“Is that so?” Dorian smiled slyly, though his heart pounded eagerly in his chest. “And why would I be such an unreliable host?”

Bull took Dorian’s hand and kissed his fingers, smiling wickedly. “Because I’ll be keeping you tied up for the foreseeable future.”


	8. Obvious Affairs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian receives a kiss in public and manages to confuse Alana.

_Evelyn was lying in a pool of blood, her face was bruised and battered, her hair was matted with gore, and her one arm stretching out to Dorian. She was begging him, “Please, Dorian, help me. Alana and Bull need me, I can’t let my little girl grow up without me, I can’t leave Bull all alone. Oh, please, Dorian, please help me, only you can help me. After all we’ve been through, I need you to do this one thing, please, Dorian, please.”_

_Dorian reached for her shaking hand, but even before he could touch her, he could feel the unnatural cold radiating from her skin and he recoiled instantly._

_In the waking world, Dorian’s eyes snapped open and he immediately launched himself out of bed._

_“Fuck, Dorian! What’s wrong!?” Iron Bull bellowed._

_“Papa!?” Mae’s bewildered and frightened cry cut through Dorian’s panic, but not even she could stop him from racing out the door._

_Dorian ran out onto the battlements of the fortress. Pain tore through his body as his injuries protested the movement, but it was nothing to the chill of anguish creeping through his skin, the echoes of Evelyn’s begging in his ears, and the wails of a despair demon clawing at his mind, becoming louder and louder. Dorian moved automatically, not realizing what he was doing until he was climbing over the edge of the wall, his eyes fixing down at the long drop._

_“NO!”_

_Strong, binding arms wrapped around him and tore Dorian from the ledge, his back hitting a solid wall of muscle before he went limp in those arms. Behind him, the Iron Bull was trembling as he lowered both himself and Dorian to the stone floor. The warmth from Bull’s body eased the icy chill that was consuming Dorian, but it didn’t last long as a voice, Evelyn’s voice, began to whisper to him._

_“You took me away from Bull. You took me away from my husband. You’ve always wanted him, you’ve always wanted what I had. Is that why you let me die, Dorian? Is that why I died?”_

_“Dorian,” Bull’s deep, commanding voice cut through the demon’s accusations. “What the fuck, Dorian?”_

_“A demon. There’s a demon and I don’t think I can fight it.” Dorian was shivering and couldn’t stop, he couldn’t get warm and it had nothing to do with the wind or the late winter temperatures._

_“Yes, you can,” Bull told him. “You’re one of the strongest mages I know, you fought a damned nightmare demon in the Fade, remember? Tell this one to fuck off.”_

_“No, something’s wrong,” Dorian shook his head. “Something’s wrong, it feels too close, the Veil feels too thin …” At that observation, Dorian looked up at the sky and his heart dropped at the light green tinge to the normally blue sky. It was the same green as the rifts, the same green as the Fade. Below, in the courtyard of the fortress, Dorian could hear the Seekers gasp and cry at the sight of the sky as it began to darken._

_Behind him, Bull tensed and his hold on Dorian tightened. “Oh shit. That’s not good.”_

_“Dad! Uncle Dorian! What’s happening!?” Alana came running out onto the battlements, her cries were filled with panic as she pulled Mae along with her, gripping the younger girl’s hand._

_“Kill me,” Dorian whispered harshly as the girls approached them. “Kill me now before I become an abomination.”_

_“I’ll kill you if you become possessed, but not a second before.”_

_“Bull, please, before I hurt you and the girls.” Dorian collapsed back into Bull, his shivering becoming more violent._

_“Not a second before.”_

_One of Bull’s long arms let go of Dorian to hug the girls once they reached their fathers. He held onto both of them closely and it scared Dorian that Bull didn’t tell them that everything was ok. He whispered words of love and comfort to both the girls and Dorian, but Bull gave no reassurances._

_They sat there on the battlements together and clinging onto each other as the Veil was slowly coming undone._

-

Dorian looked up from his work when the door to the library opened and one the maids came in to hand him a letter, saying, “Lord Dorian, this just came in from the post. I thought you might want it directly since it’s from Madame de Fer and I hear that she has recently seen Lady Mae.”

“Ah, yes, thank you.”

He took the letter from his maid and opened it right away. While Dorian spoke to Mae on a daily basis and occasionally to Cullen, he knew that Vivienne would give him a bitingly objective point of view about his daughter’s welfare. However, he was a little surprised to find that much of what she wrote had very little to do with his daughter.

After her pleasantries over how well Mae was doing and the hospitality that she received from Cullen and his wife, Vivienne wrote to him about Maxwell Trevelyan. While at Lake Celestine, Vivienne ran into Evelyn’s baby brother, a man ten years Dorian’s junior, and who many declared would be a lifelong bachelor. Vivienne wished to setup a time for Maxwell to dine at Dorian’s house as Maxwell would be staying at Val Royeaux for some time after his visit to Lake Celestine and the younger man expressed a desire to meet with Dorian.

Because of his acquaintance with Maxwell, Dorian could not turn the man down for dinner and normally he wouldn’t mind think twice about it, but he knew what Vivienne was doing. It would be highly unusual to hear that Maxwell was seeking a spouse, but Vivienne was not a fool and Bull recently confirmed a rumor that Lady Trevelyan was threatening to cut off her youngest child since Maxwell refused to take Chantry vows or join a respectable order. Vivienne would not push the match if she did not think Maxwell was not interested and she must have known that she was playing a rather appealing card to Dorian.

Maxwell Trevelyan was a handsome man known for his good humor, generous spirit, and impeccable taste in fashion, though he was not without his faults. He was stuck up at times, felt a distinct pride about his sister being the Herald of Andraste too keenly, and enjoyed a bachelor’s life to excess. But if Maxwell was indeed seeking to settle down and if Bull did not intend to stay in Val Royeaux, he would not be a poor choice for Dorian. 

They knew each other and got along well, they were compatible sexually from what Dorian could recall from a drunken encounter, and probably most importantly, Mae liked him. It also helped that Evelyn pushed the match for a time, she had been eager to see both her little brother and best friend settled. If Dorian did not demand complete faithfulness from Maxwell, then he could make a suitable partner for Dorian.

The thought of marrying Maxwell didn’t fill Dorian with any kind of excitement though, just a cool acceptance that Maxwell was a good prospect after Bull left. That particular thought made Dorian’s heart sink.

“What do you have there?”

Dorian’s head snapped up to find the Iron Bull standing in front of his desk, he hadn’t even heard the man come in and felt flustered as if he was caught doing something wrong. Hastily, Dorian folded up the letter and placed it in a pile of other correspondence for careful consideration later. “Just a letter from Vivienne,” he explained, “I had hoped she might have some news on Mae, but there was nothing of note.”

“Then you’re at a good stopping point. Put away your work and let’s go out to dinner. I saw place the other day that I want to take you to.” 

After they started sleeping together, Bull sought out Dorian’s company more frequently for his outings into the city. In the last couple of weeks, they patronized countless cafes and shops, drank at respectable and lowbrow taverns, toured numerous parks, and even attended plays and operas together.

“Let me finish a report from Charter first,” Dorian told him, hiding a smile as an earnest, pleased feeling settled in the pit of Dorian’s stomach at Bull wanting to spend more time with him. “She has some new intel on the Venatori that Leliana thought I would be interested in.”

“Come on, we both know you’re going cross eyed from reading at this point and besides, you take forever getting ready. By the time we leave, it’s going to be dark.”

“Fine, fine.” Dorian got up from his desk and threw Bull a mock glare. “You should be grateful that I bother to dress up for you.”

“Oh, I didn’t say that I dislike it. I like tearing off all of your fancy robes at the end of the day.”

“Insatiable brute.”

It did not take Dorian forever to get ready, but it did take him nearly an hour. He reapplied his makeup, changed into a fresh set of teal and silver robes, styled his hair again, and dabbed on sandalwood oil. The hungry look that Bull gave Dorian as he exited his room made him feel wanted and like he was still the attractive young man he once was. Bull never held back on his praise of Dorian’s appearance, of how amazing he felt, and of how good he was for Bull. The Iron Bull certainly had a way of making Dorian feel appreciated.

“Where are we going?” Dorian asked as they left the house, walking down the streets of Val Royeaux.

“Just to a little place I’ve been before,” Bull said vaguely.

Bull led Dorian towards a part of the city that Dorian rarely spent time at. It was in a lower economic area, not a slum by any means, but a place where merchants, scribes, assistants, and city guards spent their time away from the nobility. It was an area that several members of Evelyn’s inner circle escaped to when they stayed in Val Royeaux and found the extravagance of the city overwhelming. Dorian had no such aversion to the elegance of Val Royeaux, but he had often followed his companions into the area, desiring their company over scheming Orlesian nobles trying to gain favor with Evelyn.

They ended up at a small cafe situated happily next to a pretty courtyard with a large fountain decorated in white and blue mosaic tile and surrounded by perfectly manicured flowerbeds. Dorian looked around the cafe, catching some northern styles in the elaborate Orlesian décor, and something deep and familiar struck him. 

“I’ve been here before with you.”

It took a minute, but the memory of sitting in that very cafe with Bull came to mind. After they had met with the assassin who helpfully informed Josephine about the contract on her life and who they promptly killed, Bull took Dorian out while Josephine, Evelyn, and Sera went off elsewhere. 

Bull had been particularly excited about the place, mostly because much of the food, while Orlesian in style, was seasoned with northern spices and they served cups of hot cocoa similar to the kind served in the north. The dinner they shared provoked a strong nostalgia for home in Dorian, which after his confrontation with his father, felt further away than ever. He imagined that it was much of the same for Bull, who was recently declared Tal-Vashoth.

But Bull didn’t let Dorian slip into a melancholy mood during their dinner twenty years ago. He picked lighthearted fights about the best combinations of spices, the superior way to make and consume cocoa, and teased Dorian about his robes, which Bull insisted were skirts. It worked wonders as Dorian quipped back and his mind was occupied with keeping up to Bull that he had nearly forgotten his own troubles, and it probably helped Bull to his own mind occupied.

“I was surprised to find it was still here twenty years later,” Bull grinned at Dorian as they were ushered to a comfortable outdoor table.

“I had completely forgotten about this place.” Dorian looked around and found that the area was very much the same as he remembered it. The streets were lined with taverns and restaurants, vendors peddled their wares in wooden carts and stalls, and most of the patrons were bare faced, lacking the ornate masks that the nobility wore.

The waiter came by and took their orders for dinner and brought out a bottle of wine for them to share. Over dinner and into their second bottle of wine, they mused to each other over how quickly their daughters had grown up, talked about their old companions, the surprise of receiving an announcement of the engagement of Josephine, who was long widowed, and Thom Rainier, and a hundred other little things.

Feeling comfortable from the wine, Dorian smiled softly at Bull and unexpected warmth spread in him at the sight of Bull’s relaxed and cheerful face. Bull normally put on a jovial front, but Dorian knew of the stress he carried, though he could detect none of it as Bull told him about the latest letter from Krem that he received. The other man was animated as he told Dorian about a job the Chargers took, his laughter was loud and eager, and he looked happy in a way that reminded Dorian of better days, long before Solas and his attempt to tear down the Veil.

Bull caught Dorian staring, his eye slightly widened and he gave Dorian a terribly tender look that made Dorian’s heart skip a beat or two.

Suddenly, Bull leaned over and closed the gap between their faces, his slightly chapped lips brushing against Dorian’s soft mouth. It was a shock to be kissed out in public, but the wine had loosened Dorian up and before he knew it, he was leaning into the kiss. There was a certain thrill and fear to experiencing his first public kiss, late as it was in his life. Even while he was in the Inquisition, Dorian always found dark corners and locked rooms to enjoy his affairs, never out in the open. The kiss only lasted a few seconds, but it left Dorian winded and excited in a way he rarely felt.

The excitement and enjoyment Dorian experienced was quickly shattered as he pulled away from Bull and something fleeting in the corner of his eye caught his attention. It was a woman. A tall, young woman with short white hair and horns. Dorian’s heart clenched and he froze with fear.

“Sorry, I really couldn’t help myself. Um, are you ok? Did I fuck this up?” Bull asked, seeing Dorian tense up.

“Oh, uh, no. I mean, I’m ok. It’s just ...”

“I get it. A little fast, huh?” Bull’s hand rested on top Dorian’s, his smile was apologetic, but also encouraging.

Dorian almost shivered from the scrape of Bull’s calloused hand upon his skin and he briefly forgot about his previous apprehensions. “Perhaps, but it was not unwelcomed.”

After dinner, they took a different and longer route home, taking their time and enjoying each other’s company. Dorian even let Bull link arms with him, though Dorian’s eyes kept darting around and was silently convinced that they were being followed. Bull just looked content that Dorian allowed him that little bit of physical affection and seemed to take Dorian’s skittishness in stride. Once at home, they spent the rest of their evening as they often did with a drink in the library and a game of chess. 

“I am rather fatigued,” Dorian made up an excuse as they put away the board and got ready to retire for the night. He and Bull only ever shared a bed if they were going to have sex and every other night Bull went to the guestroom.

“Get a good night of sleep then, maybe I’ll wake you up early.” Bull winked at him with his one eye and pressed a kiss on Dorian’s forehead before heading to his room.

Dorian entered his room alone and went straight to his writing desk, opening the magically locked drawer and took out his Antivan brandy. He placed the bottle on the desk, along with a pair of drinking glasses, and moved over to the closest window, throwing back the curtains and opened it. Then Dorian lit the fireplace and sat down in one of the armchairs to wait. As the night wore on, Dorian’s eyelids fell shut and when he opened them again, he saw that he was no longer alone.

Alana sat in the other chair, her bare feet digging into the cushion on the seat and her knees drawn up to her chest. In one hand she held onto the bottle of brandy and in one arm she almost cradled the silk wrapped dragon’s tooth that Bull gave to Dorian years ago. The young woman was silently staring at the flames dancing in the fireplace and made no indication that she noticed that Dorian woke up.

“I’ll tell you this once. I’ll tear out your heart if you hurt my dad,” Alana said finally in a low and dangerous voice, her eyes not once glancing towards Dorian. The serious look she possessed dropped as she added, “Though I hate to think about what Mae will have done to Dad if he ever hurts you, shit, I don’t think I’d ever find his body.” Alana took a long drink from the bottle and held it out towards Dorian.

Taking the bottle, Dorian took a sip and bit back a complaint about not using glasses. “We did not mean for you find out this way. I can only imagine the shock you must have felt in seeing us that way.”

Alana snorted loudly, her face finally turning to Dorian, and she reached out for the brandy, which he relinquished to her. “As if you two were that sneaky.”

“True enough, though I suspect that your father doesn’t know that you know.”

“If he’s half the spy he brags to be, he should know that I know. I’ve known for years, today was just the first time I ever really saw you two doing anything.” Alana shuddered and took a drink. “Ugh, making out with you is not something I wanted to see my dad doing, but it could have been a fuck ton worse.” She took another inelegant gulp of brandy. “At least you two are discreet about the stuff you do.”

“We were not making out, it was a peck on the lips at best!” Then Dorian’s mind backtracked and stilted at her declaration that she knew for years. What Alana thought she knew, Dorian could only wonder at and he demanded clarification. “What do you mean that you knew for years?”

Blinking a couple times at Dorian, Alana said, “I’ve know about you and Dad being together for a long time. It’s not hard to figure out, you two are super close and talk on those crystals more than Mae and I do, Dad always gets that mushy look on his face when he talks about you, which is all the time, and he was always worried about you when you lived in Tevinter. Maker, you should have seen the way he used to wring his hands over your safety until you moved to Orlais. He just about had a heart attack every time your Magister friend told him about another assassination attempt.”

Dorian’s heart pounded in his chest and he could barely hear Alana over the rush of blood in his ears. “Your father and I have only been involved with each other for the last couple of weeks.”

Alana scrunched up her face. “You don’t need to lie about it, I’m an adult, I’m not going to throw a hissy fit. I mean, why the hell do you have this?” She lifted the silk wrapped dragon tooth in her other hand almost accusingly.

Dorian managed to laugh a little. “Your father gave me that tooth not long after Solas was defeated, it was for when I was ready to split it with someone I fell in love with. It was a rather optimistic and romantic notion for him, especially since I was returning to Tevinter.”

An incredulous expression overtook Alana. “He gave it to you to split with someone else? You’ve gotta be shitting me!”

“I am indeed not.”

Alana’s mouth opened and shut a couple times, before she shook her head. “No, you’re lying. You two have been together for years.”

Bewilderment filled Dorian at Alana’s assertions. “Why would I lie to you about this? Truly, we’ve only been together for a little over two weeks, if you can consider this being together. We are hardly making declarations of commitment to each other.”

She stared at Dorian like he was about to become an abomination before slumping in her chair and took another drink of brandy. “Seriously? Are you fucking serious? You’re saying that this is some sort of fling? Bullshit. Dad’s been half in love with you for years, it’s so stupidly obvious.”

Dorian stilled, her choice in words startling him. “What?”

“You have to know by now.” Alana studied Dorian’s expression and her face fell. “Oh shit, you don’t know.”

“Alana, your father is a dear friend, of course he cares and loves me, but no more than he loves Krem or his other close friends,” Dorian told her gently. Alana knew her father well, knew his heart, but she was overestimating his good and generous nature. Her misinterpretation of Dorian and Bull’s relationship made her see Bull’s kindness in a different light, it was an honest mistake.

“I—” Alana cut herself off and the exasperated tone and look she carried faded away as uncertainty took its place. “I guess so,” she finally conceded quietly.

A long stretch of silence overtook them before Dorian asked carefully, “Are you ok with all of this?”

Alana deflated and rubbed at her eyes with the back of her hand. “It’s not like I have a say in any of this.”

“You know that you do. The last thing your father and I want is to hurt either you or Mae.”

Alana shook her head and sniffed loudly. “No, I really don’t. Not after what I’ve said to Dad.”

“Alana?”

“I can’t. I can’t repeat it, I was so shitty to him and I didn’t even mean it.” Her voice came out small and young.

“Ok, ok, you don’t have to tell me.” Dorian touched her arm. “But no matter what you said to your father, he loves you unconditionally, you know that, right?”

She didn’t say anything, but her knuckles turned white as her grip on the bottle tightened.

“He loves you,” Dorian repeated. “If what your father and I are doing doesn’t make you happy, then he would want to know.”

“No, it’s nothing like that ... I’m happy that you make Dad so happy.” Alana put the bottle of brandy down on the floor and carefully handed the dragon’s tooth to Dorian. “Good night, Uncle Dorian.”

There were so many more questions that Dorian wanted to ask Alana. Why she was convinced that he and Bull were together for so long? Why she didn’t think she had a say in Bull’s relationship with Dorian? What she said to Bull that she couldn’t bring herself to repeat? Rather than asking, Dorian just simply said, “Good night, Alana.”

Before she headed out the door, Alana paused and with a touch a mischief, said, “Don’t tell Dad that I know.”

After she left, Dorian put both the alcohol back in its drawer, but he held onto the silk bundled dragon’s tooth. The bundle felt heavy in his hands as Dorian remembered helping Evelyn kill a dragon for the purpose of making Bull a necklace and her almost gleeful excitement as she pried the tooth loose from the dragon’s jaw. He had scoffed at the gesture and made a snide remark about Qunari traditions, but Dorian was quietly happy for his friend, even as a slight tinge of shameful envy filled him. 

When Bull gave him the tooth eight years ago from the last dragon they killed together, all Dorian could think about was the certainty that he would never find anyone to split it with. But now Alana’s declaration echoed in Dorian’s mind and it wouldn’t leave him alone, even as he rationalized it as a mistake. It was stuck to him now, a little needle of warmth and hope that was under his skin. 

Finally he tucked the tooth back into the drawer and securely locked it. But instead of going to bed, Dorian quietly exited his room and went across the hall to the guestroom Bull was staying in. He tried to be silent as he opened the door, but from the way Bull’s snores suddenly ceased, he knew he woke up the other man.

“Changed your mind?” Bull asked, sounding both sleepy and pleased as Dorian approached the bed, shedding his clothes along the way. 

Dorian slipped under the covers and pressed himself up to Bull’s side. Hiding his face in the grey skin of Bull’s chest as Bull wrapped his arms around him, Dorian mumbled back, “No, I just want to be here with you tonight.”


	9. Cruel Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian and the Iron Bull talk, and later Dorian receives another unannounced visitor.

_The Veil was not torn down, the world as they knew it did not end, and Solas was dead._

_It was cause for a celebration that Dorian had not seen since the defeat of Corypheus. Josephine really out did herself in the extravagance of the party. She, like many, was carrying her own personal grief, her husband was slain in the violence that erupted, but she carried on with grace and dignity. It helped that she threw herself into her work with passion and an almost unhealthy drive._

_The Seekers’ fortress in the Hunterhorn Mountains, which had acted as the base of operations for Evelyn and Cassandra’s agents, was momentarily transformed. It was the location of great jubilation, celebrating not only the agents, but Commander Cullen, who marched King Alistair's army to confront Solas. It celebrated Leliana, the Divine, and her Exalted March against the elven god. It recognized Fiona and Madame Vivienne for leading the College of Enchanters and the remnants of the Circle to battle. And dozens of Free Marcher armies that rallied against Solas, who threatened all of them._

_Many old friends were in attendance as well. Members of the old Inquisition had joined the fight in the last stretches, aiding the effort in any way they could. The only member of Evelyn’s old inner circle that was missing, besides Solas, was Cole. Though Dorian thought he saw the young man in the rafters of the fortress’ dining hall, but he could have been mistaken._

_But Dorian did not stay for the festivities and instead was leaning against the ramparts outside of his room, staring out at the dark and cold landscape of the Hunterhorn Mountains. He tucked the girls into bed not too long ago as both were exhausted from the event even though they didn’t stay long. Mae was intimidated at the sheer size of the crowd and Alana was not in the mood to speak to anyone._

_Alana stuck to Dorian’s side for the little they remained at the party as Bull was deemed a sort of guest of honor that evening, standing in for the slain Herald. So Alana clutched onto Dorian’s hand, only spoke to Mae and she uncharacteristically asked to leave early. Dorian wasn’t surprised, because in Alana’s young eyes there wasn’t much to rejoice about._

_“So this is where you’ve been hiding,” Iron Bull said as he approached Dorian and sounding a little worried even though his words were casual. He stood next to Dorian and took in a sharp breath of the chilly mountain air._

_“The girls tired out rather quickly and quite honestly, I did as well,” Dorian admitted. “I couldn't find you right away and they were both getting rather whiny, so I thought it best to leave before one of them imploded. They’re asleep now and I’ll be here, so you can return to the party.”_

_“Nah. Don’t get me wrong, Josie throws a good party, but I don’t feel much like celebrating. Evie and Cassandra’s people did good, I don’t want to bring down their high over their victory.”_

_Dorian knew the feeling and sympathized with Bull. Everyone wanted meet the husband of the Herald of Andraste, to shake his hand, express their sympathies, hand him a drink, and talk about war stories. But the haunting sadness in Bull’s single blue eye told Dorian that Bull was in no mood for it._

_“Thank you,” Bull said suddenly, the words were soft and sincere._

_“What are you thanking me for?” Dorian asked, perplexed at the thanks._

_“For … fuck, I don’t really know. For staying alive. For keeping me grounded. For needing me, I guess.”_

_That didn’t clear anything up for Dorian. “Pardon?”_

_Bull sighed and his heavy arm draped over Dorian’s shoulders. “After Evie was killed … I almost lost it. I wanted revenge, to tear Solas limb from limb, I think I was about to go mad. But you were barely clinging to life and I couldn’t leave you, especially not after you protected Evie and the way some people were blaming you. I had to hold it together, to focus on getting you here safely. Then once we were here, I focused on a keeping you alive until Mae and Alana came. By then, I knew I couldn’t leave and it was for the better, I know Solas would have killed me and Alana would be orphaned.”_

_“I really should be thanking you then,” Dorian’s voice wavered._

_“I needed you,” Bull said as he pressed his face into Dorian’s hair and his hand squeezed Dorian’s shoulder. “You kept me sane.”_

-

“I think Alana knows about us,” Bull stated as he and Dorian strolled through the Summer Bazaar after having lunch, their arms linked together. 

It was a lovely summer day and Bull lured Dorian away from his work with the promise of buying him a fine bottle of wine and to take him to any restaurant he desired for the midday meal. But Dorian knew that he didn’t need such persuasions to abandon his library and his work anymore. He was enjoying being seen out in public with the Iron Bull more with each passing day, and was pleased to find that while their appearance in public together fanned gossip, no one was hostile or rude to them.

Dorian turned his head away at Bull’s statement and concealed his knowing smile. “What makes you say that?”

“She saw me coming out of your room this morning and you should have seen the look she gave me. She has to know.”

“I believe she’s known for the last two weeks,” Dorian corrected, though he didn’t mention that Alana was convinced that they had been together for years.

“What!?”

“Alana saw us kissing at that café, the one from our days in the Inquisition.”

“And you’re just telling me this now?”

“She swore me to secrecy,” Dorian smirked.

“Well, that makes a whole lot of sense, because she’s been screwing with me this entire time. She suddenly became interested in my romantic life and has been asking me all sorts of questions, and I had to sit there with a straight face, not say anything.” Bull threw Dorian a mock glare, but the corners of his mouth twitched up into a grin. “So, how did you find out that she knew?”

“Oh, you know, Alana just threatened my life if I did anything to hurt you, typical daughter stuff,” Dorian answered. He hesitated for a moment and then added, “Alana seemed to think that she had no say in this and that she didn’t have right after whatever happened between the two of you.”

Bull’s eye darkened and his grin faded away. They stopped a bench and sat down, letting Bull stretch out his knee and a weighty quiet settled between them.

“I am not asking to know the details nor do I want to assert myself into the situation,” Dorian said hastily to fill the void, “however I am advising that perhaps some firm reassurance of your love for your daughter would not be remiss. Though from the outside, things between you and Alana seem smoother than usual.”

“Yeah, I’ll talk to her,” Bull agreed with a substantial sigh. “Things were rough there for a while. She was angry with me for trying to take her back to Ostwick, for not understanding her. The things she said …” Bull trailed off, his unfocused eye staring out at the Orlesians strolling about.

“I just wanted to let you know how Alana was feeling, you don’t have to talk about it, not unless you want to,” Dorian reminded him kindly as he took Bull’s hand.

After another long stretch of silence, Bull said softly, “She said she wished it had been me, not Evelyn.”

Alana’s careful approach to Bull suddenly made sense. Their lack of fighting, her subdued nature, and her eyes darting over to her father’s face, waiting for his approval or condemnation was all put into context. She was humbled by the terrifying extent of her anger and by words she uttered to a loved one that she couldn’t take back. Dorian understood those feelings all too well.

Dorian’s heart leapt into his throat and all he could say was, “Oh, Bull.”

“I know she didn’t mean it, I know that she was angry and frustrated with me, but damn if it didn’t hurt like fuck.” Bull blinked rapidly and turned his head away. “After she said it, I could see how horrified she was, but …”

Dorian’s grip on Bull’s hand tightened. “Alana loves you and she regrets what she said to you, I know that much. You might take comfort in the fact that she threatened to tear out my heart if I hurt you.”

Bull managed another smile, this time it was filled with warmth and fondness. “I’m glad that she can talk to you.”

“I am too. Maker knows I see a bit of myself in her when I was her age, always struggling against the path others wanted for me, bickering endlessly with my family, getting thrown out of schools, and trying to find myself in all of it,” Dorian said. “Of course, there are some key differences, I was much better dressed at the age of seventeen and Alana has the benefit of a much more understanding father.”

“I try.” Bull shrugged his massive shoulders. “Growing up under the Qun, your tama figured out what your path was and you just accepted it, I did and I was proud of what my tama chose for me. But Alana isn’t like that, she likes to make her own way and damn the consequences, kind of like her mother.”

“Alana has a lot of Evelyn in her, thank the Maker,” Dorian teased gently. “She would make for a dreadful Qunari.”

That got a laugh from Bull. “No shit. You know that Lady Trevelyan wanted Alana to take Chantry vows, can you imagine the disaster that would be? Alana is Evie all over.” 

“She is a bit of you as well. Need I remind you how much she likes hitting things?”

Bull’s smile widened with pride. “Yeah, she’s really good at that.”

They got up and walked back home. Just as they were entering the foyer of the house, Bull suggested offhandedly, “Maybe you should think about telling Mae soon. If Alana knows, it’s only a matter of time before she spills it to Mae and I bet your daughter would like to hear it from you first. It might help her with all those worries she has about you.”

Dorian fell quiet as an uncomfortable feeling filled his chest.

Bull noticed right away. “Or maybe not. You ok?”

The month that they had been involved with each other was easily one of the happiest times of Dorian’s life, even more so than during his time with Rilienus. There was no fear about a scandal destroying their families and Bull was a generous lover in bed and great friend outside of the bedroom. But Dorian was realistic and was waiting for the other shoe to drop, knowing that their relationship had a finite amount of time. Bull would go wherever Alana went and Dorian could already see her become disenchanted with Val Royeaux, despite the fun she was having as a Red Jenny.

He didn’t want to tell Mae if it all ended before she even came home and there was no need to raise her hopes so cruelly. If Bull was still in the city by the time she returned, then Dorian could explain things to her in person and make sure that she understood the nature of his involvement with Bull. It wasn’t that he didn’t want more from Bull, but Dorian learned too many hard lessons in the past.

However, the subject of the exact nature of their relationship couldn’t remain in limbo, not if Dorian wanted to salvage their friendship after Bull left. He avoided the topic because he knew it would be painful, it always was, but Alana’s insistence about Bull’s feelings for Dorian left him wanting and he needed to know if she was wrong before he fell in deeper than he already was. If Dorian could confirm Bull’s intention to leave, of his benign feelings for Dorian, then Dorian could distance himself emotionally.

Dorian couldn’t let it fester any longer. Not if he didn’t want Bull to become like Rilienus, a man Dorian occasionally saw and always wondered if there could have been more.

Dorian took in a long breath and brought his eyes to meet Bull. “How long do you expect to be in Val Royeaux, Bull? How long do you expect for this to last?”

Bull was taken aback and his single eye stared at Dorian with bewilderment. “Are you expecting me to leave you?”

A frustrated sigh escaped from Dorian at Bull’s obliviousness. “Yes, of course, do you really plan to live in Val Royeaux? I know that you will go wherever Alana goes and Maker only knows how much longer she will stay here. And I know that I cannot uproot Mae’s life again, not when she is making so much progress. This … I enjoy this, I enjoy being with you, but I still need to think about my future.”

A sad and rueful expression overcame Bull as he said, “I can’t follow Alana around forever and I’m sure she doesn’t want me to. I like it here, I like being with you, and I’m not really that eager to go back to Ostwick.”

His chest squeezed painfully. “It can’t be that simple.”

“It really can.”

“What are you even going to do in Val Royeaux in the long term? You surely can’t spend all of your time in bed with me.”

“I can’t?” Bull grinned, but he caught Dorian’s unamused gaze. “I can do the same thing here as I was doing in Ostwick. Vivienne’s asked me to train some of her guards and she can help me find some jobs with the nobles around here. Or I might just take it easy for once in my life and live the life of a kept man to a pretty Magister.”

“You’re making quite the presumption there,” Dorian said as if he was affronted, but Bull was unaffected.

“We can go as fast or as slow as you like, we don’t have a time limit and I don’t want to go anywhere without you. If you’re feeling rushed by me living here, I can find somewhere else to live in the city, but we don’t have to stop this, not unless you want to.”

Dorian swallowed and shook his head.

“Dorian, I’m not here just to fool around with you, I want this to work between us. I care about you a lot, you’re sweet and gentle, and I know you care,” Bull took Dorian’s face into his hands and tilted it up so Dorian was looking at him, his thumbs brushing through Dorian’s beard. “I think we’re good for each other.”

Dorian diverted his eyes before daring to look at Bull again. He wanted to believe Bull and he had no reason not to, there was nothing for Bull to gain by lying to him. The clear affection on Bull’s face made Dorian’s throat constrict and his voice lost its aloofness as he replied, “Considering that I am undoubtedly good for you, I would be unspeakably cruel to deny you the privilege of being with me. I suppose I will tolerate your presence for the foreseeable future.”

Later that evening, after Bull went to bed, Dorian went into the library, took up a pen and paper, and started writing to Vivienne. He thanked her for the honor of her help, but that he had found a more suitable situation.

-

Once Bull found out that Alana knew and made his intentions towards Dorian clear, it was startling how quickly and openly Bull integrated himself into Dorian’s life. 

Just in Dorian’s bedroom it was apparent as little tins of horn balm littered the surface of Dorian’s vanity, Bull had a side of the bed and a preferred pillow, letters addressed to Bull sat on the writing desk, and horrid striped pants occupied a full drawer in Dorian’s dresser. At certain point in the afternoon, Dorian knew to put away his work, because Bull would come by to insist they take a walk. He expected to take every meal with Bull, to finish the day with drinks and a game, and to retire to his room with Bull at his side, regardless if they were going to engage with each other physically or not.

Their closeness did not escape the household staff. The cook often spoke to Iron Bull about what he liked to eat and what kind of dinner he would like order instead of Dorian, the servants stopped checking the now mostly unoccupied guestroom to see if it needed to be cleaned, and the housekeeper gave Dorian a pointed and unimpressed glare when he referred to Bull as his guest.

What probably startled Dorian the most was how natural it felt, that the transition from friends to lovers was so easy.

Dorian was reflecting upon it one afternoon at his desk instead of writing to Maevaris about information on Venatori sympathizers that he received from the Divine’s spymaster. He had shooed Bull out of the house so he could get some work done, but Bull still diverted Dorian even when he was gone. He was jarred from his idle musings as the door to the library swung open and Dorian’s housekeeper came in to announce the arrival of an unexpected visitor.

“My lord, Captain Cremisius Aclassi has arrived and is requesting an audience with you,” the elderly elf told him.

Dorian took off his reading glasses and blinked in surprise, before answering, “Of course! Bring Krem in right away.”

He just finished up tidying his desk when Krem stepped into the library and crossed the room to give Dorian a crushing huge. In his mid-forties, the mercenary captain looked as dashing as ever, there wasn’t a grey hair on his head, a faded scar on his face made him look roguish, and years of a mercenary’s life left him fit and muscular. Krem took over the Chargers shortly after Evelyn died and the Iron Bull completely left the mercenary life to devote himself fully to being a father, though Bull had mostly retired at that point.

The Chargers were typically stationed in the Free Marches these days, Krem liked to keep close to Ostwick, unable to fully leave Bull behind. Dorian knew that Bull deeply appreciated the gesture, even though he nagged at Krem that the real money was in Val Royeaux and that he should take the Chargers back to Orlais. Most of the Chargers at this point hadn’t served under the Iron Bull, but they all knew of him, felt awe at his legend, and were always eager to meet him to earn a nickname. A few from Bull’s days were still around, but most were retired.

“It’s good to see you, Altus,” Krem greeted Dorian as he hugged him, referring to Dorian by his old nickname as he always refused to call Dorian by Magister Pavus.

“I would say that I am surprised to see you, Krem,” Dorian said as he pulled away from the embrace, “but considering who my current houseguests are, there is no mystery as to why you’re here and it is not for my sparkling company.”

“I’m that transparent, huh?”

“Dreadfully so. Anyway, you missed the Bull by about an hour and where he has gone off to, I have no idea. He will back for dinner, you are more than welcome to stay and wait for him. Do dine with us tonight, I expect Alana will be around as well, though I cannot guarantee it with that girl. Do you have a place to stay? If you can believe it, I do have a spare room, despite becoming a boarding house for Qunari.”

“That won’t be necessary,” Krem declined. “I’m staying at a hotel with my men. I need to get back to meet with our client before dinner, but I’m free in a couple of days.”

“Excellent, I will expect you then. Do you at least have time for a drink? I did bring many fine Tevinter ports with me when I left.”

A large grin encompassed Krem’s face. “I’ll never say no to a little slice of home.”

Dorian ordered a bottle to be brought up from the wine cellar and for refreshments to be brought out to the back porch for them. Krem admired the garden behind the house and asked about how he and Mae were enjoying living in Val Royeaux.

“Well, you look happier,” Krem declared after Dorian bitched about having to live amongst Orlesians. “It sounds like Mae is happy too. Too bad she isn’t around, I haven’t seen her in over a year, she must be tall now.”

“Mae is nowhere as near as tall as Alana, but she has grown like a weed this past year. And Mae is well accepted amongst the Orlesian nobility, so I cannot disparage all of them for their good sense in that area.”

Krem chuckled after swallowing a sip of port. “Don’t give Orlesians too much credit.”

“I will strive not to,” Dorian promised. “Now, tell me what brings you to Orlais, the Chargers don’t take very many jobs here anymore.”

“True, but after the Chief mentioned that he’d be staying here for a while, I couldn’t pass up the chance for a lucrative job in the city. I was also hoping to talk to him and Alana in person.”

“Oh?” Dorian lifted an eyebrow.

“I want to ask Alana to join the Chargers. Nothing on the front lines, Alana’s too inexperienced for it, but Stitches could use an assistant and Rocky’s been thinking about leaving soon, so we’ve been looking out for people who might be interested in helping to handle our explosives.”

Dorian’s eyes widened and he felt genuine joy at the idea. “I don’t think you could find a more eager recruit. Alana has wanted to be a Charger since she was a toddler.”

“I’m also hoping that the Chief might want to tag along too,” Krem added. “I know he can’t lead from the front anymore, but he’s good with strategies and negotiating with nobles, there’s plenty of other work for him to do. I think it’ll be good for both of them now that the Chief has given up on pushing Alana to finish her schooling. I think this will be a good chance for them to bond over something they both enjoy.”

All the pleasure Dorian previously felt instantly drained away and cold trepidation replaced it. Objectively, Krem scheme was a good one, Bull missed the Chargers and being close to his best friend. And while he physically couldn’t handle the constant fighting anymore, Bull was skilled a several different ways that would make him a valuable asset to the company. There was little for Bull to do in the city to keep him occupied, unless he wanted to start training city guards or take odd jobs from the nobility like he suggested.

But Dorian was fundamentally a selfish man. He wanted to tell Krem it was a terrible idea, to not bring it up with Bull and that Bull would not be able to handle such a life anymore. Dorian was struck by the fear that consumed him at the thought of Bull leaving, even though he was mentally preparing himself for it since Bull arrived in his home.

Dorian managed to keep up his pleasant mask, concealing his drastic shift in emotions, and replied happily, “I think that’s a wonderful idea. I can’t imagine that Bull would turn you down, he always talks about how he misses you and the Chargers. As long as you can keep the lummox from attacking the first dragon he sees, it would truly be an ideal situation.”

“I do have some experience in keeping that idiot alive. I think it’ll be a good arrangement, the Chief needs something to do.”

Thankfully for Dorian, Krem had to excuse himself to leave soon after to meet with his client. They said their goodbyes for the afternoon and made promises for dinner when Krem was free. Once Krem was gone, Dorian went back to the porch to sit in the sun and he stared out into the garden, his mind was empty and he felt completely numb.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to say a quick thanks for all of the really sweet comments! :) They are much appreciated.


	10. Exposed Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian and the Iron Bull talk, and Dorian admits to things he could never speak about before.

_“There is a dragon and she has nested not too far from the fortress. I am going to go kill it.”_

_Dorian stared stupidly at Cassandra over the rim of his coffee cup. She was sitting across from him as they had breakfast in the dining hall and he wondered if he misheard her._

_“I beg your pardon?”_

_That was how Dorian ended up in the mountains fighting a lightning breathing dragon with Cassandra, Cullen, Sera, and the Iron Bull. Bull was reluctant to let Dorian come along, because even though his injuries were healed up, Dorian still experienced stiffness and weakness on his left side and his stamina was reduced from his extended bedrest. But after a firm promise to stay back, to cast at a distance, and pointing out that they needed a mage, Dorian got his way._

_However, as the dragon swooped overhead, Dorian was beginning to wish that Bull had won that argument. Sweat poured down the back of Dorian’s neck and his body ached from the exertion as he refreshed everyone’s barriers and sent searing fire after the great beast, her pained screech filled the air. A couple of Sera’s arrows hit their mark and the dragon circled back towards her and the warriors waiting for it._

_This was what Evelyn would have wanted, Cassandra said over breakfast. Evelyn would have fought the dragon because the challenge was there in front of her and there were few things that she enjoyed more than dragon hunting. So Cassandra was determined to kill the dragon in Evelyn’s memory, to slay it as she helped to slay several other such beasts at her friend’s side._

_After the celebration of the victory over Solas, there was a terrible hollowness that overtook those from the old Inquisition. The knowledge that they had lost someone so dear weighed them down and without the immediate danger of the world ending hanging over their heads, they all felt their grief keenly. And while Bull’s preferred form of therapy was to be hit with a stick, Cassandra’s was apparently killing dragons._

_“Maker’s breath!” Cullen exclaimed as the dragon landed and snapped its jaws at them. But in spite of the wild look of wonder and fear in his amber eyes, Cullen charged towards the dragon without a moment of hesitation with Iron Bull laughing madly at his side._

_“Maker take you!” Cassandra bellowed as her steel flashed in the sunlight and Sera covered her back with a hail of arrows, cursing continuously under her breath between nervous cackles._

_Dorian summoned more fire and a wall of flames raced towards the dragon, forcing it to move away from his friends. Thankfully, fire was the element he was most comfortable with. Most of his necromancy would not do much good against a dragon, though he was gleeful when his Horror spell got a panicked reaction from the beast. Lightning spells would be useless on the creature and he couldn’t bring himself use the ice magic he knew as old echoes of cold agony still crept in his mind._

_The fight was soon ended after Dorian downed a lyrium potion and cast Haste upon himself and his friends, he’d been saving his focus for the spell. The world slowed down around them as Cassandra, Cullen, and the Iron Bull took one last charge against the dragon and the creature quickly fell to the assault, its body slumped uselessly to the ground._

_Standing there in the snowy mountains, covered in dragon’s blood and overcome with exhaustion, a sense of jubilation rose from the small group. There was a feeling of victory and accomplishment that none of them really felt during the party just a few weeks ago._

_Sera ran up to the dead dragon right away, declaring she was going to get the best parts. Cassandra and Cullen started talking about bringing in the Seekers to get trophies and rare materials from the carcass to bring back to the fortress. Dorian sat in the snow, his heart still pounding, but feeling lighter than he had in months. And Bull was busy prying something from the dragon’s mouth with Sera’s help._

_Bull’s prize was a dragon’s tooth and he clasped the bloody thing in his arm as he sat next to Dorian in the snow, his voice cracking as he stated, “Evie would have loved this.”_

_Tears started rolling from Bull’s eye and down his cheek, and it suddenly struck Dorian that he had yet to see Bull cry over Evelyn’s death. He witnessed Bull’s grief manifest itself in different ways as Bull allowed a million other problems to wash over him and pull him away from his mourning. He helped Cassandra plan for assaults, he obsessively mended weapons, he trained with Evelyn’s agents, he watched over Alana and Mae, and he tended to all of Dorian’s needs, making sure he survived and recovered. But slaying the dragon broke something within the Iron Bull. The pure anguish of losing Evelyn that he kept at bay finally came through._

_Dorian wiped away the tears from Bull’s cheek with his cold fingers and his throat tightened as Bull leaned into the touch._

-

Dinner with Captain Cremisus Aclassi was a simple affair with only the mercenary captain, Dorian, Bull, and Alana in attendance, the older members of the Chargers that knew Bull declined the invitation, promising to meet with Bull later. But Dorian suspected that they were planning for celebration in hopes that Bull would rejoin them. With such a small group, Dorian ordered his cook to make a traditional Tevinter meal with spiced meats, rice, and flatbreads specifically for Krem, knowing that the mercenary captain didn’t get much of it on the road. The large grin that consumed Krem’s face the moment he took his first bite told Dorian that he chose well. 

There were several bottles of wine on hand, all were northern origin to go with the meal, but Dorian shook his head when one the servants moved to fill his glass.

“You feeling ok?” Bull murmured to Dorian after he refused the wine and Alana was distracted with filling her Uncle Krem in on what she was up to as a Red Jenny.

Dorian forced a smile. “Perfectly fine, I’m just a little tired.”

The frown on Bull’s face only deepened and Dorian was forced to turn his head away. A slow and pounding pain was making itself known in Dorian’s head, sapping much of his energy, though he almost welcomed the diversion from his own miserable thoughts. He knew he wasn’t soothing any of Bull’s worries as the last couple of days Dorian’s mood was rather lackluster, making the other man fret that he was coming down with something. At the very least, Bull withheld his thinly veiled concerns from Mae.

“You guys took down two giants at once!?” Alana’s squeal of excitement drew Bull’s attention away from Dorian.

“It wasn’t easy and we had more than a few bumps and bruises, but Maker help me, it was fun,” Krem laughed at the memory of the job he was just describing to Alana, “and we got paid really well for it. Some of the boys actually retired after that job.”

“The only thing I miss fighting more than giants are dragons,” Bull said with a wistful grin. “There’s nothing better than fighting a dragon.”

“I keep asking Aunt Cassandra to take me dragon hunting, but she keeps saying that I’m not ready yet,” Alana very nearly pouted.

“With the progress you’ve made, it won’t be long, imekari,” Bull said encouragingly.

Alana absolutely beamed at his praise. Bull spoke to her not long after Dorian told him about how she felt and since then Alana seemed to breathe a little easier. But Dorian could still see the regretful way she looked at her father sometimes and the way she blinked back tears when she thought no one was looking. Bull forgave his daughter instantly, but it would take Alana some time to forgive herself.

Dorian’s grip on his fork tightened just the slightest bit as he thought about how good it would be for Alana if Bull went with her. They could mend the rift between them by spending time with each other and become closer through talking about their favorite weapons, about old battles and beasts of legend, and hopes for the future. Every time they sparred in the garden, Dorian could see how easily they bonded when they were engaged in something they both enjoyed. And without Bull trying to push Alana in a direction she didn’t want and with Alana understanding that her father loved and respected her, they got along much better.

Once dessert was finished, Krem suggested, “Let’s go to the tavern near my hotel. The Chargers will be there and we have a bit of a surprise for Alana and the Chief.”

“Really?” Alana’s face lit up with eagerness. “Let’s go now!”

“Sounds good to me,” Bull nodded. “Can’t wait to see some of the old timers and to give nicknames to the new boys.”

“Are you in, Altus?” Krem asked, though he appeared concerned as he really looked at Dorian.

“I’m afraid I’ll decline the honor this time around,” Dorian begged off the invitation. “But do go along without me, I would not deprive Alana of her surprise.”

“Come with us, Uncle Dorian, I won’t make fun of you when you get cuddly and sappy with Dad after a few drinks,” Alana urged.

Krem’s eyes widened, but Dorian did his best to ignore the reaction. “I’m beginning to feel a touch unwell and I would not be the best of company tonight.”

Bull’s hand settled on the small of Dorian’s back. “I’ll stay home with you.”

“Maker, you’re just as bad as Mae. Go enjoy yourself, Bull, I suspect that you’ll want to be there for yours and Alana’s surprise,” Dorian told him with a little smile.

Bull hesitated, but between Alana and Dorian, he was convinced to leave to meet with the Chargers. It was a relief to Dorian to be alone, to be able to drop his front and retreat to his room to rest and wallow in peace. Krem would certainly ask Bull and Alana to join the Chargers that night and he knew it was an ideal situation for both of them, but it didn’t mean that Dorian couldn’t grieve the death of his fleeting happiness.

But sleep eluded Dorian as he tossed and turned, his head continued to throb in pain, and his mind unhelpfully whispered to him about how he was unable to keep either Rilienus or Bull. It was an old wound, something that he buried and ignored as he threw himself into his work in the Magisterium and raising Mae. But now it felt raw and fresh with the heavy knowledge that he would not know romantic love and receive it in kind. The best Dorian could hope for was that he did not completely burn his bridges with Vivienne about making a match for him, he had yet to hear back from her after he sent his letter refusing her help.

It was late into the evening when Dorian finally heard Bull’s loud footsteps stop at the door. There was a long pause before Bull turned away and his steps echoed down the quiet hall towards the guestroom. Dorian sighed and rolled over onto his side, his back to the door and shut his eyes to try to force himself to sleep.

The suddenness of the door bursting open immediately roused Dorian out of bed a few minutes later. He was on his feet within seconds with fire crackling in his palm and his body steeled for whatever was coming his way. In Tevinter, this would have surely been an attack, but Dorian lived in Orlais and instead of an assassin, it was the Iron Bull. As menacing as Bull could be, he didn’t look the least bit threatening as he swayed on his feet, stumbled into the room, and muttered with drunken confusion.

Before Dorian could chastise Bull for his intrusion and the fright he caused, the other man closed the distance between them, his hands grasped Dorian’s shoulders and Dorian could smell the sour stench of whiskey and beer on him. 

“Don’t marry Max.”

Dorian’s jaw fell open and clicked shut when he found that he couldn’t form any words. Of all the possible things for Bull to say to him in his inebriated state, that was not one that Dorian could have ever predicted. It was so beyond the realm of possibilities for him that he didn’t know what to say.

“Don’t marry Max,” Bull repeated, his words slurring together and his grip on Dorian tensed. “He’s not good, not good enough for you. He’ll be a shit husband. He’s going to cheat on you and he’s lazy and he’s such a smug asshole.”

“Maker’s breath, Bull! What in the world are you talking about?” Dorian asked, puzzled by the entire situation. He thought about Vivienne’s letter about Maxwell, but he had no idea how Bull could have known about it.

“You marrying Max,” Bull maintained, shaking his head in an exaggerated manner. “You can’t marry him. I love you, so you can’t marry him.”

“I think you need to sleep this off,” Dorian said slowly and clearly, his body suddenly trembling at Bull’s unexpected confession of love. “Let’s get you to bed and we’ll talk about this in the morning.”

He grasped Bull’s wrists and tried maneuvering Bull towards the bed, Dorian was sure that if he could get Bull to lie down, then the other man would pass out instantly. But Bull had other ideas, pulled away from Dorian, and started rifling through the drawers of Dorian’s writing desk.

“What are you doing now?!” The question was much more strained and frustrated than Dorian intended, but Bull didn’t seem to notice.

“I’m looking for it,” Bull lifted his head up from an open drawer. “Alana said you still have it. I’m going to split it with you right now.”

Dorian tugged at Bull’s arm, trying to move him away from the desk and growled, “For the love of Andraste, Bull, _what_ are you looking for?”

“The dragon’s tooth.”

All the air escaped from Dorian’s lungs and he couldn’t explain the immediate ache the blossomed in his chest. His eyes stung as he squeezed Bull’s arm and drew in a deep, ragged breath. “Bull, please stop. Please just come to bed.”

Bull turned away from the desk and towards Dorian and his face instantly crumpled. “Don’t cry, Dorian,” Bull begged as he wrapped his arms around him and Dorian found himself pressed face first against Bull’s bare torso. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“I’m not crying,” Dorian insisted regardless of the wetness on his cheeks, “just come to bed.”

“Ok, ok, but don’t cry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

Thankfully Bull was compliant after that and let Dorian push him towards the bed while he muttered apologies. As Dorian predicted, Bull was out cold once his head hit the pillow and his snores filled the room within seconds. Dorian settled in next to him and pressed the heels of his palms against his watery eyes, taking a moment to just focus on breathing.

He didn’t know what to think of the whole display, of Bull’s drunken ramblings and search for the dragon’s tooth he gave to Dorian years ago. Bull’s casual declaration that he loved Dorian only served to confuse him because of the sheer uncertainty of his words. He didn’t know if he could believe a severely intoxicated Bull. The Iron Bull became affectionate and overly familiar when he was drunk, and his ramblings could very well be an expression of friendship and distress over the thought of Dorian marrying Evelyn’s brother, who Bull had reservations about.

Once Dorian managed to calm down, he let his hands fall away from his face and he laid there in bed, letting Bull’s snores and intermitted grumbles lull him to sleep.

The early sunrise woke Dorian up from his less than restful slumber and he kept to his rooms, only allowing his housekeeper in, who brought him a light breakfast that he halfheartedly picked at as Bull slept the morning away. Bull didn’t even stir to consciousness when Mae’s voice came from the sending crystal, calling for her father in the late hours of the morning. Dorian picked up the crystal eagerly and curled up an armchair, her gentle voice was an instant soothing balm on his heart. 

“You sound sad, Papa,” Mae observed after she informed him of her current activities, which were primarily made of up of spending time with Cullen’s children, especially Daniel.

“Ah, just fatigued, my love, nothing for you to worry about.”

“It’s more than that, I know. You’ve sounded off the last few days.”

“Well, the summer is coming to an end and I’m not looking forward to your Uncle Bull’s departure. I suspect he will rejoin the Chargers soon and I have become accustomed to the great brute’s company.”

“It’s ok to be sad that Uncle Bull is leaving, Papa, I know you’re fond of him.”

“Intolerably so, love, but you will be returning home next week and I shall forget that your uncle was ever here.”

“Maybe the Chargers will stay in Orlais? I’m sure Uncle Bull will visit often now that we’re in Val Royeaux.”

Dorian clenched his jaw at the thought of Bull constantly coming in and out of his life for a quick lay before heading back off with the Chargers. He pacified himself by acknowledging that it was an exceedingly unfair thought. “I’m certain as well. It’s getting close to lunchtime and I must be going. I love you, Mae.”

“I love you too, Papa.”

Dorian put down the sending crystal on the side table and curled up further into the chair, pulling his dressing gown closer to his body. Unconsciously, his hand drifted to the left side of his chest and he gritted his teeth at the texture of his scars underneath the silk.

“I’m not going to leave you.”

His gaze swung over to the bed where Bull’s pathetically pained voice came from. Bull was stretched out on the bed, the blankets tangled around his legs, and his arm covered the upper half of his face and his eye, blocking out the late morning sunlight that was streaming through the nearby window.

“I … uh … Did last night really happen?” Bull asked tentatively.

“I’m surprised you remember.”

“Aw, fuck.”

“Yes, I do believe that is the correct sentiment.”

“Aw, fuck, I made you cry. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”

Dorian sighed, “I will give you this one free pass, consider everything that happened and what was said last night to be forgotten. This is not something I wish to hold over you when you were in such a state, you did not know what you were saying.”

Bull slowly sat up on the bed with a groan, his eye was bloodshot and he blinked rapidly at the brightness of the room. “I meant it,” Bull whispered, “I meant all of it. Not the making you cry part, but the things I said, what I wanted to do, I meant it.”

“Bull, don’t—”

“I love you,” Bull said, his tired face was open and honest.

Dorian’s heart lurched.

“Vivienne wrote to me a week ago saying that she ran into Max at Lake Celestine and asked for my help to make a match for you. I didn’t take it very seriously, but Alana found Vivienne’s letter to you, don’t ask why she was snooping,” Bull rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, “and told me about it last night. I … aw, Dorian, the thought of you with that little shit, I couldn’t stand it and I ending up drinking more than I should have. But Alana said you still had that tooth I gave you and I hoped ...”

“What about going back to the Chargers?” Dorian asked, anxiety twisting him into terrible knots. “I know Krem was going to offer Alana a position and ask you to rejoin, I know it’s something you can’t turn down.”

“Are we even having the same conversation?” Bull asked disbelievingly.

“I wouldn’t begrudge you for leaving,” Dorian prattled on, his heart racing, “I know that you need to put Alana first, as you should.”

“Ok, we are not having the same conversation.” 

“Why must you make light of this?” Dorian snapped, rising to his feet. 

He knew that he was pushing back on Bull about something he so desperately wanted and he truly did want Bull’s affections and to stay with him. But on equal footing, Dorian didn’t want to be hurt anymore, Cole was right all those years ago when he said that Dorian thought hurting was a part of who he was. Dorian didn’t want that and he had fallen into the habit of accepting that his liaisons with his lovers had a finite time, even when he was with Rilienus, to protect him and Mae. Pushing Bull away now felt like the better option than waiting for him to grow resentful of Dorian for keeping him away from the Chargers and Alana.

His shoulders fell and Dorian added quietly, “Don’t you see that it’s easier to believe that you will leave, because everyone else does. And why wouldn’t you? You miss the Chargers and if Alana is with them, why wouldn’t you go with her?”

“Dorian, I turned down Krem’s offer, he understood after I told him about us.”

“Maker, why would you do that? It would be a perfect arrangement for you and Alana.”

“I told you that I want this to work out between us.” Bull got up and stood in front of Dorian, his large hands framing Dorian’s face. “But I never told you why I want this to work, not the real reason.”

“Bull, you don’t have to explain yourself.”

“Because I love you,” Bull continued on, “I’ve loved you for years. I couldn’t imagine it happening before, because of you living in Tevinter and me struggling to raise Alana, it didn’t seem possible. But now with you and Mae in Orlais and now that I’m in a better place with Alana, this can happen. Alana’s grown up, she doesn’t want me following her around all the time and I’m not going to leave with the Chargers, not when I have a chance with you. Is that so hard to believe?”

“You were always someone I could never think about in such away,” Dorian confessed, trying to look away, but Bull held onto him firmly. “It felt too much like a betrayal to Evelyn.”

“Oh, Dorian …”

“I have feelings for you,” he cut Bull off, “I’ve felt this way for a long time, but I could never admit it to myself. During the Inquisition, I couldn’t even admit to myself that I was attracted to you and after Evelyn died, I still couldn’t bring myself to think of you like that. I couldn’t betray her memory, especially after the way I envied her relationship with you and her situation in life. I wanted what she had so desperately and now I can only think back upon it with shame, after all she went through, how could I have ever been so jealous of her much deserved happiness? I am not a good man, Bull, and honestly, how could I ever compare to Evelyn in your heart?”

Those last words were said in a pained whisper and Dorian’s fears were finally exposed to Bull. These were truths that Dorian always knew, but never acknowledged and never said aloud before. To say and hear those words made his doubts real in a way that Dorian was not prepared for and he held his breath as he waited for Bull to respond.

“I didn’t think I could love someone again like I loved Evie, but I was wrong. You are my kadan, no less than Evie was,” Bull told Dorian gently, emotion thickening his voice. “Any guilt you feel about Evie, there’s no reason for it, Evie wouldn’t have blamed you for anything and neither do I, I’ve told you that before and I’m telling you again. I think she would actually be happy for us.”

“Bull—”

“You got me through the most difficult period of my life and I don’t think I would be here without you. You are a good man, Dorian, one of the best that I know, and I’ve wanted you for so long.”

Bull silenced any protests Dorian had with a soft kiss, his lips and mouth swallowing any sound coming from Dorian. Automatically, Dorian’s hands grasped Bull’s shoulders, on the edge of pushing him away, but instead he pulled Bull closer to deepen the kiss. When Bull’s lips parted from Dorian’s, the old mercenary rested his forehead against Dorian’s and smiled.

“Now that I have you, I’m not letting you go.”

-

The doors leading into the main entrance of the house were flung open and Mae ran across the marble floor, the heels of her shoes echoing loudly and announcing her arrival before the servants could. Cullen and his son brought Mae home for Lake Celestine and Cullen was punctual as ever, making it to the Pavus household within a quarter of an hour of when he told Dorian to expect them. Dorian briskly walked to the foyer as he heard her entrance and could hardly even open his mouth to welcome his daughter home before she wrapped her small arms around him and laid her head on his shoulder.

“Papa! Alana told me everything about you and Uncle Bull! Nothing could make me happier! Oh, I wish you had told me earlier. When did you fall in love with Uncle Bull? Alana says it’s been years, but is it really? I cannot believe you did not tell me sooner! Did you propose to Uncle Bull? Let’s go celebrate tonight and you can tell me every detail. This is the best possible news I could ever hear, I’m so happy for you and Uncle Bull, Papa.”

A fragile smile spread on Dorian’s lips and he embraced his daughter. “Welcome home, love.”

“I told you she wanted to hear it from you,” Bull teased as he approached the pair and pressed a kiss on Dorian’s forehead. “Good to have you back home, Mae.”

“I’m so happy for you two,” Mae repeated. She finally let go of her father and took a step back, wiping at her eyes before grasping Dorian’s hands with a brilliant smile. “There is no one else I would trust more with your heart than Uncle Bull, Papa, and I told him so before I left.” 

Dorian remembered seeing Mae speaking to Bull in the foyer before her departure, her voice in a low, thoughtful tone and Bull listening attentively to her. Dorian couldn’t catch what she was saying, but it sounded more serious than her reminding Bull to make sure Dorian wore his reading glasses. The realization of what she was telling Bull at that moment hit Dorian like a charging druffalo. 

“Wait, did you give Bull permission to court me before you left?”

“Don’t worry about it, Papa,” Mae glossed over her father’s indignant question. “It’s such a relief to know that you will be so well taken care of.”

“Taken care of? You do realize that I am the one who pays for this house and everything you see here,” Dorian said with unheated vexation. “If anything, I am taking care of your uncle!”

Mae ignored him as she continued, “Now that I know that you won’t be alone if I leave, I can tell you that Daniel and I are secretly engaged.” She perked up even more when she heard Alana’s voice up in one of the bedrooms and she started dashing up the stairs, calling out, “I have to tell Alana about Daniel!”

Cullen and his son stepped into the house in time to witness Mae running upstairs and to hear Bull’s great, booming laugh. They both appeared confused at the scene they stepped into.

“That’s not how secret engagements work, Mae!” Bull called out to her retreating form, his voice reaching just about every occupant of the house. He then nudged Dorian and winked with his one eye, “See, I told you to keep an eye on Cullen’s boy, I knew Mae was sweet on him! Dorian? Uh, Dorian?”

Dorian stood in shocked silence and stared at an equally surprised Cullen and a fiercely blushing Daniel.


	11. Bull's Kadan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bull learns a couple truths and has a moment with his kadan.

_The Iron Bull didn’t know why he took the tooth from the dragon. Especially from the first dragon he killed without Evie at his side, heaving her greatsword in righteous fury. He didn’t need a new axe and Alana probably didn’t want it, not after he gave her Evie’s necklace. But after Dorian announced that he and Mae would be departing for Tevinter soon, Bull knew exactly what he was going to do with the tooth._

_He carefully washed it, making sure all of the dried blood and gore was cleaned away and wrapped it a soft silken cloth. A quick inquiry to Mae, who was playing Alana in the courtyard, confirmed that Dorian was preparing for their departure. Bull made his way up to the residential wing of the fortress and stepped into the small room he shared with Dorian and the girls for the last several months, catching Dorian in the middle of packing up his and Mae’s things._

_“Dorian.”_

_Dorian paused in the middle of folding up Mae’s little dresses, their trunk sitting on the bed and filled with the few possessions they had with them. Everyone was going home now that Solas was defeated, that was how it needed to be, but Bull knew that Dorian was walking into the verge of a civil war in Tevinter. Solas’s people caused a lot of chaos in Tevinter with the lower classes and slaves revolting, but the Magisterium was cracking down on them now that the momentum of rebellion was dying. Dorian was determined to return and try to quell the violence._

_“Getting ready to leave, big guy?” Bull asked the obvious with a small quiver to his voice._

_“I cannot put it off forever. We’ll leave the day after tomorrow at first light.” Dorian tried to smile, though he didn’t sound enthusiastic. “Unfortunately, reason will not reassert itself in the Magisterium without me there to hold its hand.”_

_“That implies that there was reason in the Magisterium to begin with.”_

_“Fair point,” a genuine smirk lightened Dorian’s features, “but it’s only getting worse.”_

_Bull’s jaw tightened at the thought of Dorian going back to that snake pit. The memory of Dorian lying on the floor of the temple in a pool of his own blood, struggling to cling onto life after saving Evie, rose up in Bull’s mind. “You’re going to be in a lot of danger there.”_

_“It can’t be helped. However, I may rely upon you to take Mae in temporarily if the situation in Tevinter becomes untenable.”_

_Bull drew in a sharp breath. He knew Dorian wanted to send Mae either with Cullen to Ferelden or with Bull to Ostwick instead of taking her back to Tevinter with him and exposing her to more turmoil. However, the thought of being separated from her father again made Mae inconsolable until he promised not to send her away._

_“If it gets that bad, I want you to come too,” Bull pressed, a sudden cold fear gripped him. “I know you want to save your country, but you can’t do it if you’re dead.”_

_Dorian looked like he was about to protest._

_“I don’t want to lose you too, Dorian.”_

_That caught Dorian’s attention, his gaze filled with grief as he nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind.” The weighty expression Dorian carried was lifted as he forced himself into a false cheer, “So, is it time for my farewell dinner already? We’ve been having quite a few of those lately.”_

_“No. I just wanted to come and give you this.” Bull held out the bundle to Dorian and explained, “It’s a dragon’s tooth.”_

_Dorian took the tooth as confusion seized over his features. For some reason, seeing Dorian with the bundled up tooth made Bull think of Dorian’s dramatic retelling of how he followed Evie into Crestwood to slay the dragon there with Cole and Cassandra. He remembered the incredulous look Dorian always got as he described that he didn’t know that Evie took them out to fight a dragon so she could make a necklace for Bull until Cole said something about it. And he liked the way that Dorian’s expression became soft even as he talked about how he yelled at Evie for her strange notion of romance._

_“I want you to find someone to split this with,” Bull told him, his voice cracking and his hands gently cradling Dorian’s as the mage’s grip on the bundle tightened._

_He wanted Dorian to have what he had with Evie, someone who would love Dorian, to be his partner, and would take care of him and Mae. Bull doubted he would ever find anyone like that again and he could accept that as he accepted Evie’s death, but Bull wanted it for his friend. Dorian was a good man who needed someone, other than Mae, to love him unconditionally._

_“Split it with someone who loves you like you deserve.”_

_Dorian closed his eyes and his mouth became a firm line when he chin began to wobble._

_“I want you to find your kadan.”_

-

The Pavus house was filled with people eating and drinking after the rambunctious Satinalia celebration in Val Royeaux. Wine flowed easily, the servants moved through the crowd with trays laden with food, and loud laughter and conversations resonated throughout the house. It was a lively group comprised of old and dear friends, along with new acquaintances from the city. The Rutherford family was all in attendance, as was Josephine and Thom, Sera and Dagna made the trip, and Varric would be arriving soon, though he was waiting on Cassandra, who was coming from the Hunterhorn Mountains.

The Iron Bull was happy to see so many of his old friends together in the place that he quickly identified as his home. The party at the house was officially for Josephine and Thom’s engagement along with the holiday, Leliana invited them to visit to celebrate their upcoming nuptials with her. But there was great buzz about the potential union of Mae and Daniel, especially since Lady Rutherford made a point of bringing her family to Val Royeaux to spend the Satinalia with Mae and Dorian. The engagement was not officially announced, but the rumors alone drove Dorian crazy and few things brought Bull more amusement than teasing Dorian about it.

The only downside to the event was Alana’s absence, Bull couldn’t remember the last time he missed a holiday with her. While he didn’t have the codependent relationship with Alana that Dorian and Mae had with each other, Bull began to feel the dower depression Dorian experienced when Mae went away for the summer. The Chargers took a job outside of Val Royeaux and would not return until the following month when they planned to spend the winter in the city.

Even with Bull’s sadness over his daughter’s departure, pride was the overwhelming emotion he felt when he thought about her. When he last saw her a few weeks ago, the first time since she left with Krem and his men in the summer, Alana looked happier than Bull had ever seen her since Evie died. She was more confident and emboldened by her experience, she even proudly showed off a small, thin scar on her forearm from breaking up a bar fight. Bull’s heart skipped a beat at Alana’s grin as she enthusiastically pointed to the scar, reminding him strongly of her mother.

“It’s weird seeing you with someone, even if it is Uncle Dorian,” Alana had said to Bull after showing off her scar, a smirk tugging on her lips in the sardonic way Evie used to smile. “But in a good way, you know? I haven’t seen you smile this much since Mom died, it’s a good look for you. Uncle Dorian seems happier too, you should see how he stares at you.”

When Bull closed his eye, he could still see his daughter’s half smile, almost a mirror image of Evie. He could still feel her large, calloused hand grabbing his own as she told him quietly, “I love you, Dad.”

Vivienne appeared next to Bull, her hand clasping his arm and startling him out of his thoughts. “Bull, darling, I am in need of a bit of air, come take a turn with me in the garden.”

“Of course, ma’am.”

He escorted Vivienne out into the gardens as she commanded, away from the laughing and chattering crowd. The air was crisp and chilled in sharp contrast the cozy house, but the setting sun provided enough warmth to make for a comfortable walk. Bull was glad to have a moment alone with his friend, if he dared to call Vivienne that. He hadn’t seen much of her since she departed for Lake Celestine in the summer, a brief strife within the court kept her at the Empress’s side. Now that the court was calmed and the Empress’s throne was secured again, she decided to make an appearance for Satinalia, despite some of the less than desirable company, namely Sera, and her own disapproval of Josephine’s choice of fiancé.

“I’m surprised that Dorian has not officially announced Mae’s engagement with Cullen’s son,” Vivienne commented as they strolled through the carefully manicured hedges and trees with falling leaves that were in vibrant shades of reds, oranges, and yellows. “Today would have been as good as a time as ever with everyone here and Mae does look exceptionally well. Autumn tones always suit her best and Dorian out did himself with her gown today.”

Bull chuckled, knowing the turmoil Dorian was going through over Mae’s surprise announcement. “You know he’s having a hard time with it, ma’am. He and Cullen agreed not to start negotiating an official betrothal until the kids are sixteen, so they won’t be making any formal announcements until then. Even then, I can’t imagine Dorian letting her get married before she’s done with school and he still wants to send her to the University of Orlais. I’m sorry you didn’t get to arrange Mae’s engagement, you must be disappointed, ma’am.”

“Who says I didn’t arrange it, darling?”

Bull paused to stare at her as she smiled slyly.

“When I saw Mae at Lake Celestine in the summer, I encouraged her little crush with Cullen’s son and counseled her on what actions to take. It was painfully obvious that she favored Ser Daniel above anyone else and if Dorian would not act on her behalf, I thought it prudent for Mae to take her future into her own hands,” Vivienne told him. “It is a most beneficial match on both sides.”

“But Cullen’s boy isn’t going to inherit much,” Bull noted. “Most of the lands and stuff goes to Rosamond.”

“Yes, all those Fereldan lands and titles that King Alistair showered upon Cullen will go to Lady Rosamond, but Lady Aimee’s _Orlesian_ lands and titles will go to young Ser Daniel,” Vivienne replied. “Granted, Lady Aimee’s estate in Lake Celestine is rather small, but they will be able to make improvements to it with Mae’s substantial dowry and she will inherit even more from our dear Lord Dorian. I imagine that they will be very well off and will be a most respected family due to their wealth, connections, and their devout and generous natures.”

Bull had to laugh as he thought about how Dorian would react if he knew about Vivienne’s hand in Mae’s engagement. “You really think of everything, ma’am.”

“Of course I do, darling. I put just as much thought into your own arrangement with your darling Dorian as I did with Mae and her Fereldan beau.”

That made Bull come to a full stop. “What?”

“Darling, did you really think that I was going to arrange a match between Dorian and Lord Trevelyan?” Her smile turned coy and rather smug. “The only worthwhile person to come from that family, besides your own daughter, was our excellent Inquisitor, Maker rest her soul. Even after Dorian wrote to me that he no longer needed my help, I knew a little push in the right direction was needed to get the two of you to finally talk to each other and to make a commitment, Andraste knows it took you long enough.”

“What?” Bull repeated.

“I consider you a dear friend, Iron Bull, and I look out for my friends,” Vivienne explained condescendingly. “I knew you could not always stay with the Trevelyan family, especially after Alana was grown, and going back to your life as a mercenary was completely out of the question for a man of your status. Truly, the Inquisitor’s widower working like a common thug? I could not abide by it, especially since Inquisitor Trevelyan was a dear friend.”

“So you thought to set me up with Dorian?”

“What better place for you other than at our Lord Dorian’s side? Dorian was certainly in need of a keeper and you were in need of a comfortable situation in life, which I am glad to see that Dorian seems to be more than happy to provide.”

“Did you make it up?” Bull felt a little lightheaded at Vivienne’s skillful manipulation. “That Mae refused to marry before Dorian?”

“Certainly not, my dear, but I was happy to use it to your advantage, along with expressing to Mae my intention to set her father up with Lord Trevelyan. She did not take that scheme too kindly and she made it clear that she did not feel that your brother-in-law was a good fit for her father. Of course, she confided with Alana in the matter, concerned about the match between her father and Alana’s uncle.”

“And then Alana talked to me.”

“Your daughter is much more protective of your interests than you know, my dear. She may have no interest in an advantageous marriage of her own, but she had to know that Dorian was your best hope. I dare say that she is nearly as protective of you as Mae is of Dorian.”

Bull blinked slowly. “Were you trained by the Ben-Hassrath, ma’am?”

“Just a skilled player of the Game,” Vivienne sniffed. “Now, darling, I do urge you to marry Dorian as soon as possible. I am sure he would never stray from you, he is such a soft hearted thing, but you must work to secure your future and have a contract drawn up. I would be pleased to sit in as your advocate to make sure everything's in order and to make helpful suggestions about an acceptable venue.”

Bull snorted softly and only half listened to Vivienne’s lecturing, that sort of meddling he could live without, though he was grateful for her push in the right direction. He and Dorian were happy and their daughters were happy, and that was all that mattered to Bull. Everything else, the house with its fine furniture, the servants and their accommodating ways, and Dorian’s money that paid for it all, was all inconsequential. Bull didn’t want to stay with Dorian because he made Bull’s life comfortable, but because he loved Dorian.

His feelings were something slow and warm that overcame Bull in the years after Evie’s death. His attachment to Dorian didn’t surprise him, Dorian understood his grief, understood Bull’s struggles as a father, and was an unflinching sympathetic ear as they spent long hours speaking to each other over their sending crystals. Bull started looking forward to Dorian’s visits to Ostwick with increasing pleasure and found that he couldn’t wait to see Dorian’s smile, to see him play with their daughters, and the simple comfort of his hand on Bull’s wrist or arm as they talked and the smell of his perfume as he sat close to Bull.

It was hard not to fall in love with Dorian, not when Bull got to see the sides of him that few ever did, he saw the loyal friend, the truly devoted father, and the gentleness under all that bluster. Bull liked to think that Evie would have approved of his choice.

As the evening came to an end, Dorian and Mae went to bid their guests farewell in the foyer and Bull found himself helping the servants pick up the empty wine glasses, plates, and napkins scattered throughout the parlor. The servants still balked at what they considered Bull’s odd manners and familiar way of speaking with them, but they no longer hushed up when he helped and Bull found that their conversations were in many ways the same as the attendees of the parties.

They chatted about how well everyone looked and the rumors they heard about the old members of the Inquisition. They admired the beautiful red and gold gown their young mistress wore, adored her performance on the piano earlier that evening, and gossiped with hope about her supposed engagement. They talked about how handsome and kind Ser Daniel Rutherford was, how well he danced with Mae, but they all agreed that no one was good enough for their mistress. One bold servant, an older man and freed slave who served Dorian in Tevinter, asked Bull when they might hear an announcement regarding himself and their lord.

“We’re good enough as it is,” Bull answered with an easy grin. “If that’s what Dorian wants, he knows he can have it.”

The servants shook their heads at Bull’s non-committal answer and continued their gossiping as they cleaned up. Once the worst of the mess was cleaned away, Bull went in search of Dorian, who had disappeared upstairs after all of the guests were gone. The lateness of the hour led Bull up their room and sure enough, Dorian was inside, stripped of the warm outer layers of his robes and his boots were long kicked off, and was by his desk holding something.

Bull opened his mouth to say something, but he lost his voice the moment he noticed what Dorian was holding in his hands. He had two matching dragon tooth necklaces set in dawnstone with a sturdy, white gold chain. After Bull’s drunken assertion that he wanted to split the tooth with Dorian, neither of them had talked about it as Bull was admittedly ashamed of his behavior that night. Seeing it again for first time since he gave the tooth to Dorian made his eye smart as tears welled up.

“I wanted to wait until Wintersend to give this to you, but they just came in yesterday and …” Dorian trailed off. He squared his shoulders and with renewed determination, continued, “You once told me to split this with someone who loves me.”

Bull nodded slowly. “Yeah, I did.”

“I don’t think there is anyone who has loved me like you do and Maker knows it’s taken me long enough to believe it.” A small, self-conscious smile tugged on Dorian’s mouth. “I am ashamed to admit that I never really paid attention to Evelyn when she made that necklace for you and getting a hold of a written copy of the legend, then translating it into Common doesn’t help clarify things for me either. All I know is that I’m supposed to give this to someone who is my heart.”

Dorian held out the necklace to Bull and he could see the slight tremor in Dorian’s hand. Reaching out, Bull steadied Dorian’s hand in his own, his fingers brushing the dragon’s tooth with reverence. “You’ve got the important part down,” Bull answered, taking the necklace and placing it around his own neck. “You are my kadan.”

Bull knew that the word made Dorian uncomfortable, because Bull called Evie by kadan as well, but Bull meant it when he called Dorian his kadan. The word kadan was more of a title than a nickname or term of endearment, it was an affirmation of Dorian’s place in Bull’s life. Taking the matching necklace, Bull helped Dorian put it on, his throat tightening at seeing the other half of the tooth resting on Dorian’s chest. He remembered how life took him away from Evie before Alana was born, how he touched the necklace she gave him and knew that her heart with him. This time though, older and wiser, he would not leave his kadan’s side and would make the most of the time he had with Dorian.

Almost immediately, Bull took Dorian to bed, stripping him of everything besides the necklace, and relished the slow, lazy slide of their bodies together. Enjoying the quiet kisses, soft touches, and hushed gasps of pleasure he shared with Dorian. They were both admittedly tired from the earlier festivities, but Bull appreciated the slow pace of their love making, showing Dorian that they could take their time and find their pleasure at their own speed.

It was late when they finally snuggled in bed, Bull laid awake as Dorian slept, drifting somewhere between the point of sleep and his post sex haze, and not quite ready to completely nod off. He liked the moments when he just got to lay in bed with Dorian, listening to his little snores and appreciate the weight of his body against his own. Bull’s hand traveled down the length of Dorian’s body, he was pressed along Bull’s side and very purposefully lying on his left side to hide the mass of old scars on his chest and stomach. 

Bull snorted silently, he worshipped those scars, the evidence of Dorian’s unselfish sacrifice for Evie and Bull’s family, but he knew the guilt that Dorian still carried with them as much as he tried to ease that burden. They were still working it out, all of it. They were still navigating from their friendship to a deeper commitment, working through the guilt that bubbled up in Dorian from time to time, and Bull adjusting to the needs of his new partner. But they were good for each other and Bull hadn’t been lying when he told Dorian that he thought that Evie would be happy for them.

“You were right, the Iron Bull.”

Bull blinked into full consciousness with a healthy dose of confusion at the familiar voice that rang out quietly, but clearly, in the stillness of the night. Carefully untangling himself from Dorian, making sure not to wake him, Bull got out of bed. In the dim light from the moon coming through the windows, Bull could see Cole sitting on the desk, his hands gripping the edge, his legs swinging, and his head bowed and face obscured by the wide brim of his hat. 

“Cole?” Bull couldn’t remember seeing him since Solas was defeated, though he had often heard Cole’s voice in his ear in the days after Evie’s death and as he struggled to keep Dorian alive, trying to unravel the pain that was lodged solidly in Bull.

“You were right. She’s happy,” Cole stated.

Bull’s heart stopped.

“A spirit worn and faded, but clinging on and hoping, strengthened with knowledge that the Iron Bull is no longer alone, someone to watch him, care for him, love him, be his kadan. She’s happy it’s Dorian. Older brother she never had, a gentleness hidden, too generous and always hurting, she wants him to have more, wants him to know that he deserves more. The Iron Bull is more.”

A sudden weakness consumed Bull’s limbs and he thought he might just collapse under his own weight. “Thanks, Cole,” his voice was hardly a whisper. Swallowing, he added, “I think … I think Dorian would like to hear that.”

The brim of the hat tilted up, Cole’s gaunt face was still too young for the years that passed, but signs of aging were apparent. “Yes, he would. I will,” Cole confirmed. “I’d like to talk to him and Evelyn Maevaris, they are my friends. A quiet soul, soothing, soft, wistful, filled with simple desires, she is Dorian, but she doesn’t carry old hurts, no one tries to bend her shape to make her fit.”

Bull’s reply got caught in his throat for a long minute, before he said, “They’d like to see you. It’s been a long time.”

“Yes,” Cole agreed, his hat bobbing up and down with his head.

“Amatus?”

Bull turned towards the bed, seeing Dorian’s sleep ruffled head peeking up from the covers, his silver eyes darting in the darkness, looking for him.

“I’m here, Dorian, I’ll come back to bed in a second,” Bull reassured him. Looking back at the desk, Bull wasn’t surprised to see that Cole was gone. He stood there in the darkness, waiting for his heart to calm and gripping the necklace, thinking about its twin just feet away from him. Finally, as his nerves settled, Bull went back to bed and Dorian attached himself to Bull right away.

“Love you, amatus,” Dorian said in a sleepy murmur, his voice muffled against Bull’s skin. It was hardly audible, but Bull never tired of hearing Dorian say those words.

Despite his moments of loss, Bull thought he was pretty lucky. After Seheron, he was fortunate to end up being sent to Orlais, forming the Chargers, and saving Krem. When he was declared Tal-Vashoth, he had the Chargers and he had Evie with her support and her love. After Evie was killed, Bull still had Alana to make him smile, Krem to laugh about old times with, and Dorian to be his rock, to keep him sane. And when he thought that he might never have another kadan, he finally got to have Dorian.

“Love you too, kadan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this monster of a story! And thank you for all of the really sweet comments and the kudos!


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